Tough Pigs Anthology

 

The Decline and Fall of Gorch

Part One: The Decline

June 2002

   

The Gorch Anthology

Anthology Contents

 

Chapter 4.  No More Gligs

 

in which Ploobis endangers a species

 

(November 8, 1975 -- host Candice Bergen)

 

 

[ King Ploobis is chomping on a bone greedily, as his servant Vazh waits in attendance. ]

 

Ploobis

 

Mmm, grrmmm. Oh. Yeah. These gligs are really claw-lickin' good. Tell me, Vazh, is there any more extra crispy left?

 

Vazh

 

Oh, no.

 

Ploobis

 

No?

 

Vazh

 

No.

 

Ploobis

 

Well, why didn't you prepare more? You know the gligs are my favorite dish.

 

Vazh

 

Oh, but Ploobis, there are only a pair of them left. A male and a female.

 

Ploobis

 

Whurrrg. But I remember that once the prairies of Gorch used to teem with great flocks of gligs!

 

Vazh

 

I know. But we've used them all up. What should we do with the last two? Hors d'oeuvres? Or maybe a hat to go with my gligskin coat?

 

Ploobis

 

A coat? Nrrrrhhh! You see, it's people like you that have brought the gligs to the verge of extinction.

 

Vazh

 

But, Ploobis... you gave me that coat, remember? On that long weekend...

 

Ploobis

 

Ooorg. Yeah. Listen, uh, Vazh -- why don't you just keep that weekend between you and me...

 

Vazh

 

Oh. Oh, sure...

 

 

 

[ Ploobis canoodles with Vazh as Queen Peuta enters, shrieking as usual. ]

 

Peuta

 

PLOOBIS!

 

Ploobis

 

Uhrr! Ruhhr! Yeah! Yes, m'dear!

 

Peuta

 

What's going ON out here?

 

Ploobis

 

Uh, nothing! Nothing. I was just, uh, I was just giving some advice to the servant here. Uh. Vazh, why don't you go out and, uh, milk the gorkon.

 

Vazh

 

Again?

 

Ploobis

 

Now, just get on out here... [ Ploobis hustles Vazh out. ]

 

Peuta

 

Well, dear. How do you like my new shoes, hanh?

 

Ploobis

 

Mmm?

 

Peuta

 

And handbag?

 

Ploobis

 

Wait a minute! That -- that's made out of gligskin!

 

Peuta

 

Uh huh!

 

Ploobis

 

Yeah! And those shoes! Why, it must've taken three gligs for those shoes alone!

 

Peuta

 

That's right! One for each foot.

 

 

 

[ Peuta exits. ]

 

Ploobis

 

Rrrruhhr... Scred! Scred, come in here!

 

 

 

[ Scred enters. ]

 

Scred

 

(singing) Don't ask me if I love you, I'd have to tell a lie...

 

Ploobis

 

Scred! Com'ere. Listen. It has come to me that there are only two gligs left in all of Gorch.

 

Scred

 

Hmmm.

 

Ploobis

 

What do we do?

 

Scred

 

Hm. How's about we stuff 'em and put 'em in the Gorch museum?

 

Ploobis

 

SCRED! [ POW! -- Ploobis cuffs Scred on the head. ]

 

Scred

 

I guess not, huh?

 

Ploobis

 

No. What we do is... we ask the advice of The Mighty Favog!

 

 

 

[ GONNNNG! ]

 

Favog

 

THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. TALK TA ME.

 

Ploobis

 

OH, MIGHTY FAVOG!

 

Favog

 

DON'T SHOUT...

 

Ploobis

 

Oh, Mighty Favog.

 

Favog

 

DAT'S NICE.

 

Ploobis

 

I got a problem.

 

Favog

 

BUSINESS, SPORTS OR PERSONAL?

 

Ploobis

 

Uh... Scred?

 

Scred

 

Ecological, oh grand polluter.

 

Ploobis

 

It's ecological!

 

Favog

 

(sniff) IT'S GONNA COST YA. TWO CHICKENS AND A GLIG.

 

Ploobis

 

Pay him, Scred!

 

Scred

 

Oh, yeah. Hmm hmm hmm. Two chickens! [ Scred dumps two chickens into the sacrificial well. ] Get in there, ya little guys.

 

 

 

[ The chickens fall in, but there's no splash sound-effect. That's live TV for ya. ]

 

Ploobis

 

Mmm hmm. And one glig.

 

Scred

 

Oh, we don't have a glig. Let's see. Oh, look!

 

Ploobis

 

Ah! There, there!

 

 

 

[ Ploobis and Scred dive for a passing glig. They grab it, and it struggles to get free. ]

 

Glig

 

Oh, please! Don't hurt me! Oh, please! Ya got me! Oh, please! HELLLLLLPPPP!

 

 

 

[ Ploobis tosses the screaming glig into the well. It falls with a splash. ]

 

Favog

 

EMOTIONAL LITTLE DEVIL. AWRIIIIIGHT. WHAT'S YER PROBLEM?

 

Ploobis

 

Well, the problem is this. You see, we only have two gligs.

 

Scred

 

Mmm mmm. Sire, sire... [ Scred whispers in Ploobis' ear: ] Wuzza fuzza two gligs wuzza wuzza one glig wuzza Favog.

 

Ploobis

 

Mmm? Uhhhh... We only got one glig in all of Gorch. And the problem is... how do we get more gligs?

 

Favog

 

YA SHOULDA SAID SOMETHING SOONER. AWRIGHT. TAKE BACK YER GLIG.

 

 

 

[ The glig pops up from the well, gasping for air. ]

 

Glig

 

Thank goodness!

 

Ploobis

 

Ahh! Come back here, you! 

 

 

 

[ Ploobis grabs the glig, and tosses it into the air. ]

 

Ploobis

 

Go forth! Be fruitful, and multiply!

 

Glig

 

I'M COMING, BERNICE!!!

 

 

Gorch Fact

   The Glig is voiced by Frank Oz. "Bernice" is also the name of Bert's favorite pigeon; make of that what you will.

   This is Fran Brill's first appearance performing Vazh. 

   Something that I think is interesting about this sketch is that it's starting to create a richer environment for the Gorch characters. I don't know who wrote these sketches, but I doubt it was the Henson team, since they tend to have an anti-climactic non-punchline structure that doesn't seem very Henson. Still, it's interesting to see another Muppet "world" getting sketched out over time. It's like everything that Henson touched started a new "world," with a more or less rich environment for the characters to move around in. 

   It's a shame, then, that before long the characters are forced to leave Gorch and wander alone in the world. (That's foreshadowing. Stay tuned.)

 

Next ...

Ploobis has a migrane in

Chapter 5. Ploobis Has A Migrane

 

The Gorch Anthology

Anthology Contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com