[ Queen Peuta and Scred are browsing through The Joy of Sex. ]

Scred

Well, what'll it be tonight, your horniness? Shall we wrap ourselves in linguini? Or shall I just play with your moogies? Hee hee hee...

Peuta

SCRED!  [ POW! ]

Scred

Oh, oh oh oh. Hmmm. That was kinda nice. I like that too. Hit me again!

Peuta

Ohhh... when will you ever grow up? All you men make sex sound so... so vile.

Scred

[ looking through the book: ] WOW... Hey, Peuta, could we start right here on page 92? Look at that picture! How do they make their bodies do that, anyway? [ He tries to crane his neck into the pose. ] Owww. 

Peuta

Scred, stop that!

Scred

Hmmm?

Peuta

I want to talk to you about something very serious.

Scred

Ohhh... can't it wait?

Peuta

I mean, right NOW!  [ POW! ]

Scred

Wow. I love a woman who takes charge.

Peuta

Scred, Scred, Scred! This affair of ours can't go on any longer. I'm starting to feel so guilty about it.

Scred

Guilty? Why, we've been meeting like this for four hundred years! It's kinda fun!

Peuta

Ha ha... I know, but still and all, darling, it bothers me that Ploobis doesn't know about us.

Scred

Okay. I'll tell him. Sometime.  [ He nuzzles Peuta, kissing her neck. ]

Peuta

No, Scred... you must tell him NOW! Otherwise... you'll have to do without!

Scred

Without what?

Peuta

Without... THIS!  [ She raises her shirt to flash her moogies. ]

Scred

Oh, NO!

Peuta

Think about it, Scred!  [ She walks off with her nose in the air. ]

Scred

Ohhh... what a dilemma! Wow. Without Peuta, I'd just DIE! But if I tell Ploobis... he'll KILL me! Ohhhh... 

[ Cut to: King Ploobis at his desk, writing a letter. ]

Ploobis

Gruuhhhrrr... Dear Abby... 

[ Scred enters. ]

Scred

Hey, Ploobis! I gotta talk to you about something.

Ploobis

Not NOW, can't you see I'm busy?  [ POW! ]

Scred

Heyyy... he's almost as good as Peuta!

Ploobis

Scred... I'm very upset.

Scred

Ohhh... what's wrong, your cuckoldness?

Ploobis

Well, you know I've been married to Peuta for over six centuries...

Scred

Mmm hmm...

Ploobis

Mostly, it's been a happy marriage, but... I think my wife is seeing another man.

[ Scred starts to quiver. ]

Ploobis

Yes, I... I just don't know what to do about it... I think, Scred, I think I may cry.

Scred

Ohhhh! That's the saddest thing I ever heard!

Ploobis

Mmm hmmm.

Scred

Any idea who the rat is?

Ploobis

No. But I'll tell you one thing... if I ever get my hands on him...  

[ Ploobis grabs Scred by the throat... ]

Ploobis

I'm gonna grab him by the throat... and then I'm gonna twist his neck... and then I'm gonna stick my fingers in his ears... and I'm gonna SHAKE him... until he is DEAD!

[ Ploobis throws Scred down on the ground. Scred gasps for air as he gets up. ]

Scred

WOW! What page is that on?

Ploobis

Oh, Scred, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you, I just got carried away there, please excuse me, my friend, my pal. Incidentally, uh -- what was it you wanted to talk about?

Scred

Uhhh... oh, nothing! Just wanted to wish you a nice day! Heh.

Ploobis

Oh. Yes, it probably is, isn't it. Somewhere...

[ Ploobis walks off, the model of dignified sorrow. ]

Scred

Oh, no. What have I done? Ohhh... imagine me, Scred -- a home wrecker! A ladies' man! A gigolo! Hey, that's kind of exciting... Oh, what am I saying? This is serious! Oh, I've gotta talk to somebody...

[ GONNNNG! ]

Favog

THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. TALK TA ME.

Scred

Oh, Favog... I've got a problem!

Favog

HMMMM. IT'S GONNA COST YA. WHAT IS IT -- BUSINESS, SPORTS OR PERSONAL? 

Scred

Sexual.

Favog

AWRIIIIGHT! THAT'LL BE, UH, FOUR CHICKENS.

Scred

Hmmm. Wow. That's kinda steep.

Favog

IS THIS REAL JUICY STUFF?

Scred

Yeah. It's about me and Peuta.

Favog

AWRIIIIGHT! TWO CHICKENS!

Scred

And Ploobis...

Favog

NO CHARGE! AWRIGHT, TALK TA ME. HURRY UP.

Scred

Oh, I'm really in trouble.

Favog

YEAH, YEAH?

Scred

Yeah, ya see...

Favog

YEAH?

Scred

Peuta and I have been having an affair.

Favog

I LOVE IT!

Scred

Yeah, but the thing is that Peuta says I can't see her anymore, unless I tell Ploobis!

Favog

MMMM. THAT IS A PROBLEM. 

Scred

Yeah.

Favog

BUT YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE. YOU CAN FIND SELF FULFILLMENT BY YOURSELF.

Scred

What do you mean?

Favog

LOOK IT UP. PAGE 212 IN THE JOY OF SEX.

[ Scred's eyes widen... and he runs off to find his book. ]