[ Scred enters, carrying a big cardboard box marked "SCRED: c/o Gortch" ]

Scred

Hee hee hee. Oh boy! It finally arrived! It's here, Peuta!

[ Queen Peuta enters. ]

Peuta

What? What are you talking about?

Scred

Oh, why, the marital aid that I sent away for!

Peuta

Marital aid?

Scred

Yes, your kinkiness!

Peuta

Why, we're not even married!

Scred

Oh. Well, then it must be an extra-marital aid. Heh heh heh. Let's see what we have...

[ Scred opens the box and pulls out a weird device -- a rusty silver box about the shape of a portable radio, with switches, knobs and a big red lightbulb at the top. ] 

Scred

Oh, boy! Look at this!

Peuta

OH! Scred... what is that thing?

Scred

I don't know! But isn't it beautiful? And it's guaranteed to enhance our enjoyment! Hee hee hee hee!

Peuta

Ahhh.

Scred

Oh boy, yeah. This is gonna be fun.

Peuta

Where did you get that thing?

Scred

Oh, I got it in an ad from a magazine I was reading... it's called Bound and Gagged. Hee hee hee. Oh, this is going to be so much fun... Ploobis is away, it'll just be the three of us. You... me... and The Monster. 

Peuta

Oh, Scred, I've never done anything like this before... I'm frightened!

Scred

Oh, don't worry... there's an instruction pamphlet that came with it.

Peuta

Very well, then, dear. I'll be right back. I'm going to slip into my Frederick's of Hollywood!

Scred

Oooh, la la la! 

[ Peuta exits. ]

Scred

Ah, boy. Whatta gal. She may not be beautiful, but she sure knows how to ring my bell. Let's see, I gotta find those instructions. Oh, yeah, here they are. Uhh... oh, NO!

Peuta

[ offscreen: ]  What's the matter?

Scred

It's the instructions! I can't read 'em! They're in Japanese!

[ Peuta enters, wearing a purple-fringed robe. ]

Peuta

Urrrgghhh. Aren't they all.

Scred

Aw, don't worry, I think I'll be able to figure it out. Yeah. I know what to do. Just get ready there.

Peuta

Oh, I'm so excited! Ha ha! What do you want me to do, Scred?

Scred

Uh... if you could just put your head down on the top of it there.

Peuta

Okay... How should I do it? Like this?

Scred

Yeah, yeah... that looks right.  [ Nothing happens. ]  Mmm hmm.  [ He taps her head. ]  Feel anything yet?

Peuta

No. Can't say I do.

Scred

Oh. Well, here. How about this. 

[ He picks up the device and whacks her across the face with it. ]

Scred

Feel anything now?

Peuta

Urrrghh. Hardly. Oh, here. Maybe you're doing it wrong. Let me try.

Scred

Oh no no no no, give me one more chance! 

[ He holds the device up to Peuta's moogies. The red light flashes, and a siren blares. Peuta moans. ]

Scred

It's working! It's... it's starting to WORK!

[ The siren sounds as they fall to the floor, moaning and giggling. Bits of clothes fly up over the boulders. Peuta screams. ]

Peuta

Oh! OHHH! SCRED! SCRE-E-E-ED!

Scred

OH, your MUTUALNESS! Oh! WHOA!

Peuta

OHHH!

Scred

Oh! Oh! Oh! Your togetherness!

[ The siren fades. Scred and Peuta come up for air. ]

Scred

Oh! WOW! That was something else!

Peuta

Oh. Well... Is that all there is?

Scred

Some people are never satisfied.

[ He dives under her, and they fall to the floor again. ]