Digit

Whoa-oa! This beauty contest from outer space is fantastic!

[ Leon rushes in: ZIP! ]

Leon

Beauty contest? What, what are they doing? What part?

Digit

The swimsuit competition!

Leon

[ gasp! ]  Digit, my friend, there must -- I say, there must be a way for all of us to see this! 

Digit

Well, as a matter of fact --

Leon

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Digit

There might be...

Leon

Oh, good good good! 

[ Digit unplugs a lead from his ear, and plugs it into a machine. ]

[ We see the Miss Galaxy pageant, hosted by Marty the Earthling. A crowd of aliens cheers. ]

Marty

... You join us at a very thrilling point in the Miss Galaxy pageant -- the judges are about to announce our winner. They'll be awarding points for beauty, intelligence, and genetic originality. While we're waiting, let's talk with two of our lovely finalists -- Jo Beth Garfdehoo, Miss Crab Nebula...

[ Jo Beth enters, a hideous alien monster. She burps, and steam comes out of her ears. ]

Marty

... and Zsa Zsa Porkmustard, from the planet Koozebane!

[ Zsa Zsa enters, a fuzzy piece of foam. ]

Marty

Jo Beth... hi, Jo Beth.

Jo Beth

Hi.

Marty

Are you nervous?

Jo Beth

A little.

Marty

Well, you shouldn't be, because you're LOVELY, you're LOVELY!

Jo Beth

Thank you.

Marty

What is your favorite thing about being a beauty queen?

Jo Beth

Well... uh... that's a hard question.

Marty

You mean, there are so many favorite things.

Jo Beth

No, I mean, that's a hard question. Could you ask me an easier one?

Marty

Um... how about, what are your goals in life?

Jo Beth

I want to work with underprivileged children.

Marty

Uh huh.

Jo Beth

And then eat them.  

[ Jo Beth burps. Disturbed, Marty turns to Zsa Zsa. ]

Marty

Now, Zsa Zsa.

Zsa Zsa

[ high-pitched squeals ]

Marty

For the talent spot, many of our contestants like to sing a song.

Zsa Zsa

[ squeal ]?

Marty

You chose instead to excrete ammonia while setting fire to your nose.

Zsa Zsa

[ squeal squeal squeal ]

Marty

Oh -- I'm sorry to interrupt, hold that thought. This is the moment we've all been waiting for... the new Miss Galaxy is about to be crowned... so it's over to the judges!

[ Jo Beth is swallowing the last of the judges. ]

Jo Beth

Too late.  [ burp ]  I've already eaten them.

[ The audience boos and hisses. ]

Marty

And so, here at the Hotel Swank in Ursa Major, this is Marty the Earthling, saying, I may be tasteless, but at the moment, that's all that's keeping me alive.

Jo Beth

Maybe with a little hollandaise...

Marty

Stay away from me!

Leon

Whoa -- that was disgusting! Let's see some more of this stuff.

Digit

All right, but I need more power.

Leon

You got it, Digit!  [ He zips off. ]

[ On the monitor, lfl makes a paper airplane. He throws it, and it flies out of the monitor and down to the studio floor with a huge CRASH. ]

Louie

Gee. That's good paper.

[ Leon returns with a big cable. ]

Leon

Here ya go, Digit!

Digit

Oh, thank you --

Kermit

Whoa, wait a second! That's the master input! 

[ Digit plugs the cable into his chest. ]

Kermit

That cable contains every video feed on the planet!

[ Digit's chest explodes in a shower of sparks. Kermit cringes. ]

Leon

Whoa!

Digit

[ shaking ]  Lucy, I'm home! And here's bachelor number two. One of these days, Alice -- Pow! Right in the kisser! Dr Welby, will he be all right? Nanu nanu!

[ Digit faints. ]

Louie

Bad news, Kermit. He's got the reruns.

Kermit

Uh... cut to commercial!

[ Digit's hand pops up, and presses the commercial button. ]