[ In the studio, Gonzo watches the end of the soap opera, and sighs. ]

Gonzo

Pfft. Brother. 

Leon

Gonzo... are you upset about something?

Gonzo

Well, Kermit put THAT on the air instead of my chickens! 

Leon

Urgh! I can do better than THAT!

Gonzo

Sure! But, then, Kermit's the guy in charge... 

Leon

Say... who PUT Kermit in charge?

Gonzo

I don't know... 

[ Leon gives Gonzo a shifty look. ]

Leon

Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? 

Gonzo

... Naw ...

Leon

Neither am I. Nah.

[ Digit comes by on roller skates. Kermit is chasing him. ]

Kermit

Okay, Digit, stand by with Fozzie Bear -- Digit! Wait a second, there... 

Leon

Excuse me, Kermit! 

Kermit

Uh... just a second, guys, I'll be with you in a minute, uh... Go ahead and cue Fozzie now. 

[ Digit presses a button on his remote. ]

Fozzie

Oh -- here it is! The doorway to my future. He must be right in there -- the king of TV weathermen -- Willard Scott! Oh, my behavior must be dignified, yet casual. Respectful, yet relaxed.

Willard

[ coming up behind him: ]  Hi there!

Fozzie

Whaaaaa! 

Willard

Hey! It's the funniest face on television -- except for Gene Shalit, of course -- Fozzie Bear! What can I do for ya? 

Fozzie

Oh, Mr Scott, sir -- I am here to learn how to be a TV weatherman, just like you!

Willard

Well, that's very flattering, Fozzie, thank you very much.

Fozzie

I've got my very own pointy weatherstick here, see?  

Willard

Right... 

Fozzie

And I also have a toupee... 

Willard

Right...

Fozzie

Yeah, what more could a weatherbear need, sir? 

Willard

I don't think you need much! You're on your way to TV stardom! Pretty soon, you'll be getting fruitcakes from your adoring public! 

Fozzie

Fruitcakes.

Willard

Yeah. You see, they don't pay me here. I live like a KING on the fruitcake of strangers! Would you like a piece?

Fozzie

Oh, yes, SIR!  

Willard

I got some in here that are real beauts... They're almost like antiques! Maybe three or four dollars in value!

Fozzie

Wow!

Willard

[ going into the Fruitcake Archives: ]  Uh, Foz?

Fozzie

Yes? 

Willard

The light's burned out...

Fozzie

Oh...

Willard

Could you do me a favor?

Fozzie

Yeah? 

Willard

Would you hold the door?

Fozzie

Oh, sure...

[ The door slams shut. ]

Fozzie

... You mean NOW. 

[ Fozzie tries the door -- it's locked. ]

Fozzie

Oh, no... Do you have the keys?

Willard

[ inside: ]  Yeah, Foz... I've got 'em right here in my... hand...

Fozzie

Ohhh... uh, uh, don't panic, I'll go get help! Oh... 

Willard

[ inside: ]  Make it fast, Foz!

[ Jane Pauley is at the Today Show desk. ] 

Jane

Welcome back to Today. It's time for the weather... with Fozzie Bear? 

Fozzie

Help! Help! Help! Willard is -- [ He stops short. ] -- Is that camera ON? 

Jane

It certainly is!

Fozzie

Ahhhhh-hhhh! Good morning, America! 

Jane

Watch your LANGUAGE, Fozzie! Now, what were you saying?

Fozzie

Oh, uh... Nothing. Nothing. Except, uh -- I am your new weatherbear! See, I got my pointy stick and everything.  

Jane

That's very professional, but... isn't that Willard's job?

Fozzie

No. No. Uh... funny you should ask, uh, Willard could not make it, uh, he told me to take over. 

Jane

Wait a minute. Where's Willard?

[ Fozzie goes to the weather map. ] 

Fozzie

Hi! I'm your new weatherbear! Ha ha ha. And -- [ He gets a look at the confusing map ] -- HO-LY COW... Uh... Oh! Ha ha! Well, I guess, as you can plainly see, there's, uh... well, there's all this white stuff over here... and, oh -- cute little pennants up here... and there's a giant L over here near Nebraska! All you people in Nebraska -- you STAY in your HOMES until we can find a way to get the L out of there! Ah ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Well. Um. Now, over here -- 

[ Willard busts through the map. ]

Fozzie

... We have a man with a fruitcake...  

[ Fozzie puts his head in his hands and whimpers. ] 

Willard

Awww, Fozzie... Fozzie, I'm afraid you're just not cut out to be a weatherbear. 

Fozzie

No... ohhh... 

Willard

But, listen, I've found some great stuff in my closet that I think you are going to love.  

Fozzie

What? 

Willard

Take a look at this... A big nose with glasses? 

Fozzie

Oh! Yes!  

Willard

And a slightly used whoopee cushion... 

Fozzie

Oh! My old friend! 

Willard

And wait a minute... I saved the best for last, baby! This is it! A hilarious banana peel!  

Fozzie

Now, THAT's funny! 

[ Willard whips off his toupee and mugs for the camera. Fozzie does the same. ]

Willard

Wocka wocka! 

Fozzie

Wocka wocka! 

Willard

Wocka wocka! 

Fozzie

Wocka wocka! Ah ha ha ha! 

[ Back to the studio. ] 

Gonzo

He's never going to go along with this! 

Leon

Ssssh! Ready? 

Gonzo

Yes...

Kermit

Did you guys want to talk to me about something? 

Leon

Yes, we do, cuz! Has anyone ever suggested that a few more people should have a hand in running this show?

Kermit

How do you mean? 

Gonzo

Well... letting someone else have a turn.

Kermit

Well, that's a good idea. 

Leon

Now, before you reject this out of hand, uh... what did you say? 

Kermit

I said, that's a great idea! I don't know why I've never thought of it myself! You know, I could use the time away.  

Gonzo

Away? B-b-but... where would you go?

Kermit

Oh, well, uh... See that up there? Doesn't that look nice? 

Gonzo

Yeah...

Kermit

I tell you what, guys. Have fun, keep the ratings up, and don't forget to roll the credits when you're through. 

[ Kermit exits. ]

Gonzo

'Kay. Bon voyage. 

Leon

GREAT!  

Gonzo

Yeah! 

Leon

He bought it! Yes! Yes! Ha ha ha. 

Gonzo

Uh, Leeee-on...  

Leon

Yeah? 

Gonzo

Uh... what do we do now? 

[ They look at each other... then up at the monitor. On the monitor, Kermit enters a beautiful beach scene. ] 

Kermit

Oh, this is great. Peace and quiet.  

[ As Kermit gets settled, Gonzo and Leon stare at the camera. They have no idea what to do next. ]