Tough Pigs Anthology

Summer 2004

 

Hipsters and Squares

Part 2: Too Cool for School

 

 

   Roosevelt Franklin was a popular hipster character in the early days of Sesame Street -- he even cut his own LP in 1971, The Year of Roosevelt Franklin. Roosevelt was so cool that he could even take over his elementary school classroom, and kick out important lessons, Roosevelt-style. His foil was the know-it-all square, Smart Tina...

 

 

Voice cast: Matt Robinson (Roosevelt Franklin), Sonia Manzano (Smart Tina),

 unknown (Hard Headed Henry and other students).

 

    

 

 

 

(Roosevelt and his friends appear over a shot of the school, singing their theme.)

 

Students

Hail to thee, our alma mamma -- 

Roosevelt Franklin Elementary School!

 

(Students sit in the classroom, restless.)

 

Henry

We want Roosevelt!

 

Tina

I want to learn me somethin'.

 

Students

Oh, here he comes -- here he comes!

 

    

 

    

 

(Roosevelt be-bops in and takes his place at the head of the class.)

 

Roosevelt

Here I come, here I come! Here I am! Now. Who knows what Africa looks like?

 

Tina

I do, I do!

 

Students

Ohhhh... 

 

Tina

I do too, I know everything. I know all about Africa. It's a jungle, just one big jungle. I know because I saw it all on the Tarzan movie.

 

Roosevelt

BZZZT! Wrong! Wrong, Smart Tina.

 

Students

Wrong! Wrong!

 

Tina

Ohhhhhhh...

 

    

 

Roosevelt

You and Tarzan are both wrong. Look at this. (He points to the map.) Only this little teeny bit of Africa is a jungle. (A snare beat starts behind him, and the lesson becomes a scat.) All this... is a desert. 

 

Students

Ooooh!

 

Roosevelt

All this... is a whole bunch of beaches.

 

Students

Ooh, that's nice!

 

Roosevelt

And water.

 

Students

Water!

 

Roosevelt

And fishing places.

 

Students

Mmmmm!

 

Roosevelt

And these...

 

Henry

Huh?

 

Roosevelt

Are big cities.

 

Students

Cities!

 

Roosevelt

With buildings!

 

Students

Look at that tall one...

 

Roosevelt

And lakes.

 

Students

Lakes, too...

 

Roosevelt

And parks.

 

Students

Mmm hmm!

 

Roosevelt

And schools.

 

Students

Schools, yeah!

 

    

 

Roosevelt

And up here... is oil.

 

Students

OIL!

 

Roosevelt

And down here... is diamonds.

 

Students

DIAMONDS! 

 

Roosevelt

And here... is gold!

 

Students

GOLD!

 

Roosevelt

And this whole place... is next to... the Biggest! Piece! of Land! in the whooole world!

 

Students

WOW!

 

(The snare ends.)

 

    

 

Roosevelt

Now do you know what Africa looks like?

 

Tina

Yes. I guess I was wrong, for once.

 

Students

For once?

 

Henry

Well, I know what Africa looks like... and I know what Smart Tina looks like, too. 

 

Students

Tell us, tell us! 

 

Henry

She looks like an African queen.

 

Students

Awwww...

 

Tina

Oh, that's nice!

 

Henry

With diamonds and gold all around her, and -- dig it, dig it -- she has a smile like the desert sun...

 

Students

Ohhhh....

 

Henry

And eyes like the cool waters of the lakes...

 

Students

Oh, nobody talks to me like that!

 

Henry

And she's tall, like the buildings in the great cities. 

 

Students

Ohhh, that's nice. 

 

Henry

And, dig this, she's got feet like an African elephant!

 

(The students all burst out laughing! Tina is furious.)

 

Tina

Let me at him!

 

(The classroom erupts in chaos as Tina gets out of her seat to clobber Henry. They run around the room as other students throw paper.)

 

Roosevelt

I think class is dismissed... I know it's dismissed now, cause I'm not gonna stay around here to see what she says to him! I'm gonna dismiss myself... In fact, I think I'll give myself a pass to get out of class...

 

(Roosevelt zips out the door as Tina chases Henry around the room...)

 

    

 

 

Next: Once Upon a Time

 

Hipsters and Squares contents

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

Tough Pigs Anthology Contents