Tough Pigs Anthology

 

Muppets: 1, Host: 0

November 2001

 

November Anthology -- Anthology Contents

 

 

Part Three : Ladies First

Kermit and Miss Piggy 

on CNBC's Al Roker Show

February 17, 1996

   

   So, are you ready for more pulse-pounding Muppet interview action? Check out what happens when Kermit and Miss Piggy go on the road together, to promote Muppet Treasure Island...

 

 

Al

 

Welcome back to the Al Roker program... We are here with the stars of Muppet Treasure Island.

 

Piggy

 

Oh, you're too kind. 

 

Al

 

Yes. And I don't know which I should do... Should I introduce you, Miss Piggy, first?

 

Kermit

 

Oh, sure.

 

Al

 

Kermit, who gets top billing?

 

Kermit

 

Ladies first. Ladies first.

 

Al

 

Then, ladies and gentlemen...

 

Kermit

 

Well, I get top billing, but ladies first.

 

Piggy

 

Me. ME. ME.

 

Al

 

Miss Piggy...

 

Piggy

 

Yes. 

 

Al

 

... and Kermit.

 

Piggy

 

Don't you have some adjectives in front of Miss Piggy?

 

Al

 

The incredible, the fabulous...

 

Piggy

 

Keep goin'. 

 

Al

 

... the incomparable...

 

Piggy

 

I'll take it; I'll take it. Thank you, Al.

 

Al

 

... the amazing...

 

Piggy

 

Thank you, dear!

 

Al

 

The... porcine... 

 

Piggy

 

All right! That'll do! Cut it! CHILL!

 

Al

 

All right. That's it. And of course... Kermit the Frog.

 

Piggy

 

Oh, yeah. Him.

 

Kermit

 

I'm happy with that. Don't need the adjectives. Thank you.

 

Al

 

Now, you guys have worked together in so many movies...

 

Piggy

 

Wait, Al, didn't you get married recently?

 

Al

 

Yes, I did. 

 

Piggy

 

How long have you been married?

 

Al

 

I've been married for five months now.

 

Piggy

 

And are you happy?

 

Al

 

I am very, very happy.

 

Piggy

 

[to Kermit]  He is very HAPPY being married

 

Kermit

 

Uh huh. Ahem.

 

Piggy

 

That's all. I just wanted to say that.

 

Kermit

 

Next!

 

Al

 

I detect a little tension, uh...

 

Piggy

 

There's no tension, Al.

 

Kermit

 

No, there's no tension, Al.

 

Piggy

 

I just wanted him to know that there are HAPPY marriages. Yes, Al?

 

Al

 

Yes. Commitment. 

 

Piggy

 

COMMITMENT!

 

Kermit

 

I know that. I KNOW that!

 

Piggy

 

Frogs don't understand commitment.

 

Al

 

They don't! Really.

 

Kermit

 

I do. I understand that. 

 

Piggy

 

You understand, Al.

 

Al

 

Well, I do, but I would think somebody as --

 

Piggy

 

Because you got MARRIED.

 

Al

 

Well, yes, I did.

 

Piggy

 

Fine.

 

Al

 

Yes, yes. I did. But, y'know, sitting on a lily pad, I would think, takes commitment too. Doesn't it, Kermit?

 

Kermit

 

Sure. Sure. Oh, listen. It takes --

 

Piggy

 

What is this, mano a mano against el piggo, here?

 

Al

 

It's a guy thing.

 

Kermit

 

It's a guy thing!

 

Al

 

It's a guy bonding...

 

Kermit

 

Sitting out on the lily pad. 

 

Piggy

 

Fine! Fine. I'll go find a pig thing to talk about.

 

Kermit

 

Yeah! Like the sty!

 

Al

 

Uh oh...

 

Kermit

 

Or eating SLOP!

 

Piggy

 

I just, I -- Are you going to hurt me, in front of Al? 

 

Kermit

 

Oh, am I going to hurt you in front of Al?

 

Piggy

 

Well, you're saying sty, and slop, and all those things...

 

Kermit

 

What, that hurt?

 

Al

 

Guys, guys, guys...

 

Kermit

 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 

 

Piggy

 

Butt OUT, Al!

 

Al

 

Okay... I'll just... You guys work this out. 

 

Piggy

 

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

 

Kermit

 

No, no. Go ahead. 

 

Al

 

Well, I just was wondering, with this kind of... closeness... did you have any problems together while you were doing Muppet Treasure Island? I mean, any...

 

Kermit

 

Well... We, uh, did one scene together that was a little, uh, that took a little bit of, uh, work...

 

Piggy

 

What? 

 

Kermit

 

You know, our one, we had kind of an argument scene...

 

Piggy

 

What?

 

Kermit

 

In the movie. You remember that scene?

 

Piggy

 

No.

 

Kermit

 

You know, we're sitting by the water... and, uh, you know, the whole scene about where I supposedly -- supposedly!

 

Al

 

Supposedly...

 

Kermit

 

Left her at the altar, and all that stuff... Remember that scene?

 

Piggy

 

No.

 

Kermit

 

You don't remember that scene?

 

Piggy

 

Mm-mmm.

 

Al

 

Do you guys... Are you like this all the time?

 

Piggy

 

Ohhh! THAT scene!

 

Kermit

 

Yes, you know.

 

Piggy

 

All that I remember is... See, when moi acts, moi is enveloped in the mood, and I just don't see anything else, that's all.

 

Al

 

You really enjoy that word, "moi." Don't you, Miss Piggy?

 

Piggy

 

Well, it's French.

 

Al

 

Yes! Yes. The language of love.

 

Piggy

 

It has flair, and love. Yes, exactly, Al. You know, because you're married

 

Al

 

Yes. Yes, I am.

 

Kermit

 

Sheesh!

 

Piggy

 

You know about love and commitment, cause you're married

 

Al

 

I am. I am, Miss Piggy.

 

Piggy

 

And you must love her. Very Much. Don't you, Al?

 

Al

 

Yes! Yes, I do. Yes. Yes. 

 

Piggy

 

I suppose you're both going to see Treasure Island together. 

 

Kermit

 

Piggy! Will you stop this! We need to get on with the interview, okay?

 

Al

 

That's right. In fact, I'm going to be taking my daughter, who is nine years old, Courtney...

 

Piggy

 

Ahhh!

 

Kermit

 

Oh, yeah?

 

Al

 

Yes, she's looking forward to it. 

 

Piggy

 

Oh, you have children!

 

Al

 

Well, I... I have a child...

 

Kermit

 

Al... You're making this very tough on me. 

 

Al

 

I'm sorry, Kermit.

 

Kermit

 

I know you don't mean to be, Al, but um...

 

Piggy

 

I'm sorry. Just go ahead.

 

Al

 

Well, you guys have had a torrid affair, a love that has gone through the ages...

 

Kermit

 

What?

 

Al

 

When are you gonna finally get married?

 

Kermit

 

Well, uh -- I -- uh -- Al, I have to say that, you know, way back in the old days, there might have been a little spark between us, but these days, our relationship is just extremely professional.

 

Al

 

Oh, really.

 

Kermit

 

Yes. That's all there is.

 

Al

 

So, it's not a romantic thing anymore?

 

Kermit

 

Well, no. Only on the screen.

 

Piggy

 

Al? Al.

 

Al

 

Yes.

 

Piggy

 

We're adults. 

 

Al

 

Mm-hmm.

 

Piggy

 

Kermie has his life...

 

Kermit

 

Yes.

 

Piggy

 

Moi have my life. We have our own separate lives.

 

Kermit

 

Yup.

 

Piggy

 

It's at night... that we go gangbusters.

 

Kermit

 

Wait a minute!

 

Al

 

Oh, well! Now, is it true, I've heard about you and Costner... I've heard your name linked with Stallone...

 

Piggy

 

Mmm-hmm.

 

Kermit

 

Stallone?

 

Piggy

 

My publicist has been workin' overtime!

 

Al

 

Banderas...

 

Kermit

 

You've been with Antonio Banderas? Gee...

 

Piggy

 

I have not BEEN with Tony...

 

Kermit

 

No, but you've been... been seen with...

 

Piggy

 

Tony and I talk. 

 

Kermit

 

Tony?

 

Piggy

 

Long distance. We talk.

 

Kermit

 

Sheesh.

 

Continued on Page 2

 

November Anthology -- Anthology Contents

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com