Kermit

Hey, Benny, put two dollars on Goody Two Shoes in the 4th. Hm? On camera? No, on Goody Two Shoes. Oh, I'm on camera. Oh! Ahem. Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street Sports, and we're coming to you now from the famous race between the Tortoise and the Hare -- or the Turtle and the Rabbit, as they're sometimes known to sports fans -- and the race is about to begin here. We'd like to have a couple of words with some of the racers... here's Mr Rabbit here. 

Kermit

Pardon me, Mr Rabbit! Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street Sports here -- can I ask you a couple of questions?

Rabbit

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Kermit

Well, some people say that you're the fastest animal on paws. Is that correct?

Rabbit

Oh, yeah, Jumpin' Jack Rabbit, they call me. Hey, you wanna see fast, frog?

Kermit

Yeah, I certainly would.

Rabbit

THIS is fast!

Kermit

Let's see it.

[ ZIP! The rabbit zips away. ]

Kermit

Wow! That is really, uh -- [ ZIP! He goes by in the other direction ] -- You're not kidding, that is -- [ ZIP! ] -- That is really fast, folks, that is really fast, and you saw it here on Sesame Street Sports, uh, but here comes the other runner right now, this is the Tortoise, or the Turtle... 

[ The Turtle approaches -- and walks right into Kermit without noticing. ]

Kermit

Uh, pardon me, uh, Mr Turtle, uh, excuse me, excuse me, this is Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street Sports here, can I ask you a couple of questions, Mr Turtle?

Turtle

Hmmmmmmmm?

Kermit

I was wondering, uh, some people say that you're too slow to win this race, uh, what do you say to that, uh, Turtle, are you too slow to win this race?

Turtle

I don't ... know ...

Kermit

Uh huh, well, that doesn't --

Turtle

... why ...

Kermit

Oh.

Turtle

... they ... say ... that ...

Kermit

Yeah, well, it, uh --

Turtle

... I'm ...

[ Kermit isn't sure whether to wait for the Turtle to finish or not. He puts the microphone to the Turtle's mouth, takes it away, puts it back. Finally, he takes it away. ]

Kermit

Well, I just...

Turtle

... slow ...

[ Kermit is saved by a trumpet fanfare. ]

Kermit

Oh! I think the race is about to begin. In one second, you're going to see it here, folks.

Anncr

Will the racers report to the starting line for the feature race!

Kermit

Yes, folks, it's going to happen in just one second, folks! And remember, you saw it here on Sesame Street Sports!

Anncr

They're at the starting mark... and... they're OFF!

Kermit

And they're off, folks! And they're off! And there goes the race! And the Turtle is heading on down the track! Look at the Turtle go! The Turtle is actually moving out, folks! But the Rabbit -- the Rabbit hasn't moved! The Rabbit is still at the starting post! Folks, let's go over and talk to that Rabbit -- can we? Uh, pardon me, Mr Rabbit -- the Turtle's already moved out -- he's heading out down the track, and you're just standing here, can you tell us, uh, exactly, uh, why you're just standing here, huh? 

Rabbit

Hey, listen, I'm so fast, I can afford to just hang around here for a while, and STILL win this race! Now, buzz off, frog!

Kermit

Well! You heard it on Sesame Street Sports, folks! But I think I'm gonna head on down to the finish line and see who actually wins this race, huh?

Rabbit

[ sings: ]  Camptown Races five miles long, doo dah, doo dah, Camptown Racers sing this song, all the doo-dah day...

Kermit

Well, here we are at the finish line, folks...

Anncr

The winner of the race is... KERMIT the FROG!

Kermit

What?

[ Animals crowd around Kermit adoringly, and drape a wreath of flowers over his neck. ]

Animal

The frog won, yay! The frog won! Terrific, frog!

Animal

Great race, froggie!

Animal

Did you see that? That was terrific!

Kermit

Thank you, uh...

Animal

I knew you could do it!

Animal

Wow! That was great!

Kermit

This is Kermit the Frog... uh, the new champion... returning you to your studio...

Animal

Look at the legs on that frog! Is that powerful!