Tough Pigs Anthology

April 2003

 

Breaking News

Part 2: The big cow jump

 

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Cat), Jerry Nelson (Natalie).

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Yeah, well, I tell you, Charlie, if she's able to do this, I'll eat my -- what? Oh. Ahem. Hello there, Kermit the Frog here, to report on one of the world's greatest athletic events -- for in just a few moments, you are going to see an actual cow jump over the moon!  [ Cheer ]  Yes! That's what you're going to see right here, folks! Uh, maybe you've heard about this classic feat before, you know, they wrote a poem about it, it went: Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon.  [ Cheer ]  The crowd is roaring, here they come now! 

 

 

    

 

 

Cat

 

Make way for the cow! Make way for the jumpin' cow! And here she is, folks -- the jumpin' COW!  [ Cheer ]

 

Kermit

 

Listen to that crowd roar!

 

Cat

 

Stand over there, Natalie...

 

Kermit

 

Uh, pardon me, may I ask the cow a few questions?

 

Cat

 

I'm her manager, frog, what do you wanna know?

 

Kermit

 

Well, uh -- just why is it, Ms Cow --

 

Cat

 

Call her Natalie!

 

Natalie

 

Call me Natalie.

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Oh, okay... uh, well, how come, Natalie, how come is it that you want to jump over the moon, how come.

 

Natalie

 

Because it's there. Because I want to prove that we cows can do anything we set our minds to. 

 

Cat

 

Terrific answer, kid.

 

Natalie

 

People think we do nothing but moo and give milk all day -- but they're wrong. We can do anything we set our minds to.

 

Kermit

 

Well, I believe it. 

 

Cat

 

Yeah, yeah! All right, everybody, stand back, it is time for the jump! Ready, sweetheart?

 

Natalie

 

All systems go, Cat!

 

Cat

 

Then let's have a fanfare, please!  [ The Cat plays a fanfare on his fiddle. ]  All right! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Countdown for the moon!

 

Kermit

 

This is a very exciting moment, folks.

 

Cat

 

All right! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Good luck, baby! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! BLAST OFF!

 

 

 

    

 

 

Natalie

 

Moo-OO-OO-OO!

 

[ Natalie blasts off into the sky. The Cat accompanies her flight with a rendition of "Wild Blue Yonder" on the fiddle. ]

 

Kermit

 

WOW! There she goes! It looks like a beautiful jump... She's thirteen miles down range now... All systems green... Approaching first stage shutdown...

 

Cat

 

Atta way, baby!

 

Kermit

 

The G-forces are decreasing... We have escape velocity and trans lunar injection... and THERE SHE GOES!

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Lunar gravity is taking over... She's reaching apogee... She's over the moon!

 

Cat

 

She did it! She did it! 

 

Kermit

 

And now she's starting her return flight! Or should I say PLUNGE! Here she comes, folks, she should be contacting Earth at any moment... Her retros are firing...

 

Natalie

 

[ falling ]  Eeeeeeeee-YAAAAAAAAA!

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ C-RASH!!! Natalie falls, smashing into the platform and knocking Kermit and the Cat to the ground. Kermit struggles to get up. ]

 

Kermit

 

SPLASHDOWN! There you have it, folks! The cow jumped over the moon!

 

Natalie

 

Oh, my! A small jump for cow, a giant leap for cowdom!

 

Cat

 

You all right, sweetheart?

 

Natalie

 

Phew! You don't know the hoof of it.

 

Kermit

 

Well, that's all from here... Kermit the Frog reporting... Tune in next week for the first annual Jack and Jill hill climb!

 

Cat

 

Let's get outta here...

 

 

    

 

 

Next in the Anthology:

 

Aladdin had a little lamp...

 

Part 3: Aladdin's lamp

 

News Flash contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

Tough Pigs Anthology Contents

March 2003 -- The Early Days of the Muppet Show Comic Strip

Feb 2003 -- Ernie vs Bert

Aug/Sept 2002 -- The Road to Hollywood

July 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part two: The Fall

June 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part one: The Decline

May 2002 -- Giant Frogs!

April 2002 -- April Frog's Day

March 2002 -- The Muppets Take Madison Avenue

February 2002 -- Kermit and Piggy : That Magnificent Hankering

January 2002 -- Off the Street

December 2001 -- It Feels Like Christmas

November 2001 -- Muppets: 1, Host: 0