Anncr

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story!

Kermit

Now, y'see, Charlie, there's gonna be a lot of "puh" sounds in this interview. No, "puh". That's the sound of the letter P. See the sign right there? See those big P's, there? Piper's Pickled Peppers. No, that's Piper's Pickled Peppers. Uh... what's that, Charlie? Wipe off the microphone? Oh.  [ He wipes it off on his coat. ]  Oh, uh... hi ho there! This is Kermit the Frog, and I'm speaking to you from the pickled pepper patch of Peter Piper, who's famous for picking a peck of pickled peppers. 

Kermit

And as a matter of fact, here comes Peter Piper now. Excuse me, pardon me, sir, but are you indeed Peter Piper?

Porter

Nope! Nope, I'm his brother, Porter Piper.

Kermit

Uh... Porter Piper. I see. But you have also picked a peck of pickled peppers.

Porter

Well, all we Pipers pick pickled peppers. We're pepper pickers. 

Kermit

I see. Uh huh.

Porter

But Pete gets the publicity.

Kermit

Oh.

Porter

Excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. Pardon.

Kermit

Oh, okay. All right. So, uh, so that was Porter Piper.

Kermit

But, oh! Oh! Peter Piper, I presume? 

Potter

No, sorry, pal. I'm Potter Piper, his other brother. 

Kermit

Oh, I see, uh, Porter Piper and Potter Piper... but no Peter Piper. Well, let's see, uh, what do you call this place we're standing on, sir?

Potter

Oh, it's where we put the pickled peppers after picking. Yeah, it's our pickled pepper pile. Oh, excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. 

Kermit

A pickled pepper pile. I see. Oh, uh, pardon me, uh, sir -- or madam, I suppose... I guess you're not Peter Piper. 

Piper

Oh, positively! I'm his sister, Piper Piper.

Kermit

Piper Piper? 

Piper

Is there an echo here? 

Kermit

But, listen, tell me, after you've picked these pickled peppers, what do you do with them?

Piper

Oh, we pack them. 

Kermit

I see. So sometimes you're picking pickled peppers, and sometimes you're packing peppers. 

Piper

Mmm.

Kermit

Uh... what do you pack them in, Piper? 

Piper

Paper. 

Kermit

I should have guessed.

Kermit

Ah, well, let's see, uh... Oh! Pardon me, sir. You -- YOU must be Peter Piper!

Poppa

Nope, nope! I'm his father, Poppa Piper.

Kermit

Poppa Piper. Well, you certainly have quite a family here.

Poppa

Oh, yep, yep, yep. There's, uh, Peter Piper, and, uh, Porter Piper, and Potter Piper, and, uh, Piper Piper... 

Kermit

Yeah. And who's this, right here? 

Poppa

Oh, that's our dog, Pepper Popper.

Kermit

Uh, Pepper... 

Poppa

Pepper Piper. Right. 

Kermit

Pepper Piper. I thought that's what you meant. 

Poppa

Right.

Kermit

And who's this thing, here?

Poppa

Oh, that's our pig, Porker Piper. Yup, and we got a parrot... 

Kermit

A parrot. 

Poppa

Yep, a parrot called Polly Piper.

Kermit

Polly Piper! I should have known. 

Poppa

Mm hmm. She pecks pickled peppers. 

Kermit

She PECKS them! Oh ho! Very good! Uh huh! 

Poppa

Yep! Well, I gotta go pick a peck. 

Kermit

Right... This is ridiculous. Oh! Now, wait a second. Pardon me, are YOU Peter Piper, or what? Don't tell me you're his nephew.

Parker

No, I'm his cousin, Parker Piper. 

Kermit

Now, wait a minute! I came here to meet Peter Piper! I've met Porter Piper, Potter Piper, Piper Piper, Poppa Piper, Pepper Piper, Porker Piper and Parker Piper, all picking peppers, and WHERE IS PETER PIPER?!?

Parker

Ah. He's in Portland, pressing pants.

Kermit

Oh, phooey.  [ Kermit sighs, and sits down in the pile. Peppers fall on his head. ]  Well, from the pickled pepper pile in Piper's Pickled Pepper Patch, this is Kermit the Frog, returning you to the program in progress... Anybody got a letter Q? 

[ A pepper basket falls on his head. ]