Announcer

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story!

Kermit

I don't know why they call it the Tortoise and the Hare. I mean, why don't they just call it the Turtle and the Rabbit? Hm? Oh. Hi ho, Kermit the Frog, here to report on what is being billed as the Race of the Century, a rematch between the Tortoise and the Hare. Now, as you track fans will recall, the first time these two met, the Hare was a heavy favorite! But the Tortoise, using a strategy which he called "slow but steady," won the race! And now these two competitors will meet again. In just a moment... 

[ The crowd starts to jeer and boo as the Hare arrives. ]

Hare

Aw, who ASKED ya? Whatta YOU know?

Kermit

Let's see if we can get a word with him. Excuse me, Hare -- Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street News -- uh, could you give us a prediction on the outcome of today's race? 

Hare

Yeah! I'm gonna WIN!

Kermit

Mm hmm, and, uh, why is that?

Hare

Whatta you think? Because I'm FAST!

[ ZIP! The Hare zooms off screen. ZIP! He screeches back up to Kermit. ] 

Kermit

Wow!

Hare

FAST! See? 

Kermit

Yes, indeed, and yet, last time, you lost the race. 

Hare

I took a nap, okay? This time I'm gonna WIN! Ya know WHY? 

Kermit

Um...

Hare

Because I'm FAST!

Kermit

Mmm, yes, I think you mentioned that already, uh...

[ The crowd starts to cheer. ] 

Kermit

Wait a second, listen to that roar, I think here comes... Here comes the Tortoise! The Tortoise, ladies and gentlemen!

[ The Tortoise crawls in. ]

Hare

Yeah, LOOK at this guy! Pathetic! PaTHETic! I'm FAST, he's SLOW! I'm FAST, he's SLOW! FAST! SLOW! FAST! SLOW! Nyah nyah ny-nyaah nyaaaaah!

Tortoise

Ex-cuse me...  [ The Tortoise exits. ]

Hare

Ha ha! He's giving up before he even STARTS!

Kermit

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it does seem to be true, the Tortoise does seem to have left the track!

Referee

Runners to the starting line!

Hare

Ex-cuuuuuse ME!  [ The Hare ZIPS! to the starting line. ]

Kermit

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the race is about to begin, and there is no sign of the Tortoise.

Hare

Ha ha! He's not even gonna TRY! 

Referee

On your marks!

Hare

That's no Tortoise... he's a CHICKEN!

Referee

Get set! 

[ Just behind the starting line, the Tortoise is rigged up with a rocket. ] 

Tortoise

Ex-cuse me...

Referee

GO!

[ The Tortoise starts up his rocket, and blasts through the starting line. ]

Hare

What was THAT?

Kermit

That, folks, was FAST! 

[ The Tortoise circles the track, and blasts through the finish line. ]

Referee

The WINNER!

Kermit

The Tortoise! The Tortoise is the winner once again, ladies and gentlemen! 

Hare

What do you mean, he's the winner? He wasn't -- he didn't even --

Referee

Yes, he was, and he did!

Hare

Hey, somebody look up under the rule book! Look under C for CHEATING! He -- he didn't -- I wasn't -- they, they -- I couldn't -- that wasn't FAIR!