Tough Pigs Anthology

May 2003

 

Breaking News

Part 11: That's Wonderland

 

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Fran Brill (Alice), Jerry Nelson (Announcer).

 

    

 

 

Announcer

 

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!

 

Kermit

 

Yeah, well, where's the White Rabbit? Late again, huh? Well, we'll just have to start without him. What? Oh! Hi ho, this is Kermit the Frog, speaking to you from Sesame Street News, in Wonderland -- where anything can happen, and it usually does! And with me is Alice here... 

 

Alice

 

Hi.

 

Kermit

 

Yes, and Alice, you've been having some pretty strange adventures here, haven't you? 

 

Alice

 

Yeah, I'll say.

 

Kermit

 

Uh huh. And, uh -- incidentally, you're kinda small, even for a little girl, aren't you? 

 

Alice

 

Yeah. Musta been somethin' I ate.

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Uh huh. Well, uh, tell me, Alice, what is your next amazing adventure going to be?

 

Alice

 

Well, I'll tell ya, Kerm. I have this little bottle of water that says: Drink me.

 

Kermit

 

Little bottle. Yeah.

 

Alice

 

And I'm, uh, gonna drink it.

 

Kermit

 

You are! Is that it, huh? 

 

Alice

 

Yep. Drinking the water. 

 

Kermit

 

Okay, well, it's probably gonna be pretty exciting, uh, won't it, folks? She's going to drink the water, and then, what's going to happen?

 

Alice

 

I don't know. We'll see.

 

Kermit

 

Uh huh. Well, that's Wonderland, folks! That's Wonderland, you never know what's going to happen when you drink some water, so, uh... there she goes, she is drinking the water.

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Alice drinks some water... and quickly grows to Kermit's size. ]

 

Kermit

 

Hmm, wait a minute. What's happening?

 

Alice

 

Wow.

 

Kermit

 

Wha-ho! You got big fast, didn't you?

 

Alice

 

I did, I did.

 

Kermit

 

Yeah... uh, listen, uh, look how big she is, she took a drink and she really -- she really got big!

 

Alice

 

You know, that was curiously refreshing.

 

Kermit

 

Yeah?

 

Alice

 

I think I'll drink some more.

 

Kermit

 

Uh... you sure?

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Alice drinks some more... and grows even bigger. ]

 

Kermit

 

My goodness!

 

Alice

 

My my!

 

Kermit

 

This is curiouser and curiouser! You're bigger now, you know! 

 

Alice

 

I know, I know I'm bigger.

 

Kermit

 

Yeah.

 

 

    

 

 

Alice

 

Well, uh, I might as well finish this drink.

 

Kermit

 

Well, do you think that's smart? I mean, there's a fairly low ceiling in this place...

 

 

[ Alice gulps down the rest of the water... and gets even bigger... ]

 

Kermit

 

Look out for the ceiling, Alice!

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Alice hits the ceiling with a huge CRASH! Plaster falls down onto Kermit's head. ]

 

Alice

 

Oh, no.

 

Kermit

 

ALICE!

 

Alice

 

Oh, dear.

 

Kermit

 

You hit the ceiling!

 

Alice

 

I know.

 

Kermit

 

Are you okay?

 

Alice

 

I'm okay. I'm sorry about the ceiling, though.

 

Kermit

 

Well, how do you feel?

 

Alice

 

I... I feel very big!

 

Kermit

 

Well, you are certainly the biggest little girl I've ever seen!

 

Alice

 

This is the biggest I've ever been.

 

Kermit

 

Yes, well, you're certainly -- you're real big!

 

Alice

 

I am big.

 

Kermit

 

Yeah. Well, you know, Alice, I think I'm getting a stiff neck just from talking to you...

 

Alice

 

Oh.

 

Kermit

 

So I think the interview is over.

 

Alice

 

Oh, okay. Well, I'll see ya later, Kerm.

 

Kermit

 

Okay, Alice.

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Alice thumps away. ]

 

Kermit

 

Whoa! She is -- she is big, folks. I have seen big in my life, but she is really BIG! Uh... wait a second... Hmm... She left a cupcake here. Look at that, I think maybe I'll just take a little bite of this...  [ He takes a bite of the cupcake. ]  Oh! That tastes... rather strange...

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Kermit shrinks, all the way down to a couple inches. He struggles with his microphone to finish the report. ] 

 

Kermit

 

Whoa-oa-oa! Uh... this is Kermit the Frog, and, uh... How am I going to explain this back at the office? Eesh...

 

 

    

 

 

Next in the Anthology:

 

"Wait -- aren't you the Princess

from The Princess And The Pea?"

 

Part 12: The Wrong Princess

 

News Flash contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

Tough Pigs Anthology Contents

March 2003 -- The Early Days of the Muppet Show Comic Strip

Feb 2003 -- Ernie vs Bert

Aug/Sept 2002 -- The Road to Hollywood

July 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part two: The Fall

June 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part one: The Decline

May 2002 -- Giant Frogs!

April 2002 -- April Frog's Day

March 2002 -- The Muppets Take Madison Avenue

February 2002 -- Kermit and Piggy : That Magnificent Hankering

January 2002 -- Off the Street

December 2001 -- It Feels Like Christmas

November 2001 -- Muppets: 1, Host: 0