Announcer

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!

Kermit

[ Kermit is facing the wrong way. He realizes his mistake and turns around. ]  Oh! Uh. Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street News, and I'm standing in the forest here, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood, who's supposed to be coming this way on her way to her grandmother's house! And, uh -- hark! I think that's her coming now.

[ Little Red Riding Hood enters, humming. ] 

Little Red

Uh oh. I think I'm lost. Excuse me, Mr Frog?

Kermit

Uh, yes, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street News, ma'am? 

Little Red

Hello.

Kermit

Hi. 

Little Red

Could you please tell me how to get to Grandmother's house?

Kermit

Oh, I would be very happy to. Matter of fact, I happen to have a map of the entire area, right over here... 

Little Red

Oh, great!

Kermit

If you'll just step over here, I'll show you...  [ Kermit reaches up and pulls down a map. ]  ... this map of the entire area. You see, right here -- 

Little Red

Uh huh.

Kermit

This is the entire area. 

Little Red

Uh huh. 

Kermit

Now, where we are is, we're standing in the woods, right here, you see?

Little Red

Mm hmm.

Kermit

Now, in order to get to Grandmother's house, which is right up here... 

[ As Kermit explains, Little Red gets distracted brushing off her cape. ] 

Kermit

... you have to walk down this road right here, till you come to the shopping center. And then, um...

[ Kermit notices that Little Red is distracted. ]

Kermit

Excuse me, uh, Miss Riding Hood...

Little Red

Yes?

Kermit

You're not listening to me.

Little Red

Oh, I'm sorry. I had some lint on my pretty new red cape. Please, please. Go on.

Kermit

Well, I will, but I think I'd better start all over again, because you weren't listening.

Little Red

Oh, okay. Uh huh. Thank you.

Kermit

Well, starting all over again, you see, we're in the woods, here.

Little Red

Mm hmm!

Kermit

Now, to get to Granny's house, you have to go down this road here, until you come to the shopping center.  [ Little Red starts brushing more lint off her cape. ]  That's where you have to make a left turn, go through the covered bridge, until you... uh, Miss Hood.

Little Red

Hmm? What? Oh. Hiya.

Kermit

You're not listening!

Little Red

Oh, I'm sorry.

Kermit

Now, how do you expect to get to Granny's house, if you don't listen?

Little Red

By taxi.

Kermit

Taxi?

Little Red

Yeah, I just hop a taxi. TAXI!

[ A taxi immediately screeches up, and Red gets in. ]

Taxi Driver

Yeah, where to?

Little Red

Could you please take me to Grandmother's house?

Taxi Driver

Grandmother's? Uh, that's by the railroad track, right? 

Little Red

Well, I'm not sure...

Taxi Driver

Eh, never mind. We'll find it! Heh heh heh. Okay!

[ The taxi speeds off, leaving Kermit behind. ] 

[ The Big Bad Wolf approaches. ]

Wolf

Hey, Mac! I've kinda lost my way here.

Kermit

Wait a second! Are you the Big Bad Wolf? 

Wolf

You got it, frog! Hey - would you happen to know the way to Grandma's house?

Kermit

Well, as a matter of fact, I do, and I'll be happy to tell you, if you'll only listen to me.

Wolf

Hey, I'd be glad to listen! I wanta find out real bad! If I don't -- there'll be no story! 

Kermit

Yes, right. Okay. Well, I happen to have a map of the entire area right over here. Now, you see, we're in the woods right here... 

[ Granny enters, moaning. ]

Granny

Oh me, oh my...

Wolf

Why, Grandma! What do you know! I was just trying to get to your house.

Granny

Oh, were you! Well, I was too! But I got lost...

Wolf

Well, hey... this frog here said he knows the way!

Granny

You DO?

Kermit

Yes, I do, and I'd be happy to tell you all, if you'll just listen to me.

Wolf

Hey, Mac, I'm ALLLLLL ears!

Granny

And I'm all ears too, Mac!

Kermit

Uh, okay... well, now, let me just tell you all. You see, we're in the woods right here...

Granny

[ not paying attention to Kermit ]  Speaking of ears, you got an awful big set of ears! They're kinda cute, too, heh heh.

Wolf

Awwww... well, thank you there, Granny... I was just kinda admiring that hairdo of yours...

Granny

Oh, were you! I just had it changed recently! I had it a different way for years! I had trouble with my hairdresser, you see...

Kermit

Hey, listen... uh... Will both of you PIPE DOWN and LISTEN TO ME? 

[ The taxi pulls up again. ]

Taxi Driver

Yeah, uh... where are we?

Little Red

I told you it was left at the shopping center!

Taxi Driver

No, no... if we'da gone left, we woulda gone through the toll bridge...

Little Red

No, no, no, no, no...

Taxi Driver

It would have cost ya an extra quarter!

Little Red

Oh, look, there's Grandmother... Grandmother!

Granny

Mm hmm?

Little Red

Do you turn left or right at the shopping center to get to your house?

Granny

What shopping center?

Wolf

I thought you turned at the video arcade!

Little Red

No, no, no.

Kermit

Uh, listen... QUI-ET!

Kermit

Listen, nobody's going to find out how to get to Grandmother's house unless you listen to ME!

Taxi Driver

Well, uh... okay, man! I mean, frog. We're all ears.

Little Red

Yeah. 

Kermit

Okay. Well, let me just show you on the map, over here. You see, right now, we're in the woods right here... Now, when you go out of this...

Wolf

Aw, why don't we just forget all this going to Grandma's stuff, and have a picnic here?

Little Red

Okay. Although I know it was at the shopping center...

Kermit

Now, when you get to the... uh... what's going on?

Little Red

We're having a picnic! If you'd been listening, you would know what we're doing! 

Taxi Driver

Yeah! Pass the mustard, will ya?

Kermit

Uh... This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled... program...