Kermit

Okay, welcome back, everybody. Now, our next guest has the rare distinction of serving in three different presidential administrations for two different political parties. He's been an important part of the Nixon, Reagan and Clinton White House. It's an honor to welcome the counselor to the President, Mr. David Gergen. Welcome, Mr. Gergen.

David

Good evening, Kermit. It's good to see you.

Kermit

Well, it's really good to be here. Now, I have to ask you, can't you find work anywhere else? You've spent so much time in the White House.

David

Well, some people think you and I are related. Some people think that I'm a chameleon.

Kermit

I see. Oh, I get it. You just kind of change with the flow.

David

But it's good to see you.

Kermit

Well, it's really good to see you, too. You know, you've been in politics for a very long time. About how long is that?

David

About twenty years.

Kermit

That's a long time.

David

In and out of politics and journalism.

Kermit

Now, you've done some television hosting as well, right?

David

I have from time to time. But I'll tell you, Larry King must be nervous tonight, Kermit.

Kermit

Oh, you think so?

David

I think so. I think Miss Piggy is going to come on and host any time now.

Kermit

Oh, well, that remains to be seen.

David

Yeah. I'm sorry to miss her. Now, what's happening here? You're all alone here the evening in Washington. It's a dangerous town, Kermit, to be all alone as a frog.

Kermit

Yeah, well, I know. I know it's tough for frogs. It's tough for everybody, I guess.

David

Well, there's a lot of swamp land here, so there might be a lot of other frogs here. I'm surprised she let you out along tonight.

Kermit

Oh, you know... well, she's in another place. I think she's in Hollywood.

David

Okay.

Kermit

She likes to hang out there and try to attract the attention of big producers and stuff. Doesn't work, but she tries.

David

I see. Okay, well, it's good to have you here.

Kermit

Well, you know, it's very good to be here. I've been in Washington before, but I've never -- you know, I was here for the inauguration, which was great.

David

Yeah, didn't you sit on the First Lady's shoulder that day?

Kermit

I sure did.

David

Well, that's terrific. But I have to tell you right now, Kermit, frogs -- in fact, you'd be pleased to know this about the White House right now. You know, we fired the French chef.

Kermit

Oh, I read that.

David

Yeah, so no more frog legs are being served at the White House.

Kermit

Oh, thank goodness.

David

But thank God you're not a chicken, Kermit.

Kermit

A chicken?

David

Chicken. We may get a lot of chicken legs there, now.

Kermit

Yeah, I guess you're right. Thank God I'm not a chicken. I think a lot of people say that every morning on the way to work.

David

Yeah, well, you tell Miss Piggy that hogs are in these days at the White House.

Kermit

Oh, yeah?

David

Yeah.

Kermit

Okay, well, listen, we have a call... It's a very suspicious call from Hollywood.

David

Okay, terrific.

Kermit

I guess we'll take it. Hello, Hollywood.

Piggy

[ on the phone ] Hello, David Gergen?

David

Yes, Miss Piggy.

Piggy

Hogs are in?

David

Hogs are in. You've been watching the President for the last two weeks, every time he walks around, he says, "Sooo-ey."

Piggy

... Could you repeat that?

David

I can only do it once. We'll get Ted Koppel back here to sing it.

Kermit

Ah, I think what he said, exactly, Miss Piggy, was that the President has been going around saying "Soo-ey." 

Piggy

I see.

Kermit

You probably remember that from your days on your farmyard.

Piggy

May I please ask a political question of Mr. Gergen?

Kermit

Well, sure. He's a political guy.

Piggy

Thank you. Davey --

David

Yes, ma'am.

Piggy

Don't you feel that Kermit should have had moi on the show tonight?

David

I think that it was -- in the days when, you know, women are in in politics, it is unbelievable to me. I think it's an outrage that he would not have invited you in. And it seems to me now, that you're due a night of your own. I saw the two of you when you were guests here, on the pre-Christmas show, back in December. And it just seemed to me that you were -- you were not exactly shy and retiring, Miss Piggy.

Piggy

Well, no, no.

Kermit

That's the understatement of 1993, there, David. You are a diplomat, aren't you?

David

Absolutely.

Piggy

Davey? Davey?

David

Yes, yes.

Piggy

Do you think possibly you could wrangle me a state dinner invitation?

David

I think that you would be an honored guest at a state dinner invitation.

Kermit

Bring your own apple.

Piggy

Kermit?

Kermit

Yes.

Piggy

You're skating on thin ice.

Kermit

I'm sorry. You really set me up there.

David

Oh, I know. He was saying something about bringing you to dinner with the French.

Kermit

Yes, yes. That's exactly right. Yes.

Piggy

I have just one more important question. That's all.

David

Yes.

Piggy

Davey?

David

Yes, ma'am.

Piggy

Can you get me two tickets for Barbra Streisand?

Kermit

Piggy, Piggy, I think we better get off the phone here.

David

Can you sing like Barbra Streisand?

Kermit

Oh, is she still there?

Piggy

No, I'm gone.

David

Oh, you're gone?

Kermit

Oh, good.

David

Okay. I'm sorry. But you come. 

Piggy

Oh, thank you. And thank you very much for the co-host thing. I'll talk to Larry about that.

David

You come back.

Piggy

Thank you, sweetheart.

David

Okay.

Kermit

Okay, Piggy, we have to go. We have another phone call coming in from Orlando. And I know the Hulkster hasn't had time to get back there yet. So, hello, Orlando.

Caller

Hi. I was wondering, for Mr. Gergen, have you ever thought of hiring the Swedish Chef to take the French chef's place?

Kermit

That could be interesting.

David

Well, I would certainly welcome it. But as long as frog legs are not being served, I think we're all safer here tonight.

Kermit

Yeah, the Swedish Chef and I have an agreement.

David

Yeah, what's the deal there? No frog's legs.

Kermit

No frog legs, ever. No no no. My legs stay right here in my little polyester pants.

David

Kermit, you are a frog of many talents. I found your book in a bookstore. I brought it here on the set. I knew you'd like a plug on the Larry King show.

Kermit

Oh, look at that.

David

It's One Frog Can Make a Difference.

Kermit

You're plugging my book.

David

Yeah, right here. It says Kermit's Guide to Life in the 90's. Now, Kermit, I looked through here, and the chapter titles in there were very impressive. You had a chapter title on Frogs of Madison County.

Kermit

That's true. There was that one. They go on and on.

David

Now, who did you leave behind in Madison County, Kermit?

Kermit

Oh, well, I... That's kind of a sore subject with Piggy and I. I think we'd better take a break. And we'll be back in a few minutes, if you don't mind there, David. We'll be right back, folks, after this, with a very, very special guest from the White House. Thank you.