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Tough Pigs
Anthology
The
Muppets Take Madison Avenue
March
2002
March
Anthology
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Anthology
Contents
Part
One : Want a Cup?
Wilkins
Coffee ads
Late
1950's
In 1957, when Jim and Jane Henson were producing Sam and Friends in
Washington DC, they were approached by a local coffee company to produce ads for
Wilkins Coffee. The local stations only had ten seconds for station
identification, so the commercials had to be lightning-fast -- essentially,
eight seconds for the commercial pitch and a two-second shot of the product.
Henson took those eight second slots and created magic. Over the next few years,
he made more than 300 commercials for Wilkins Coffee and other Wilkins products,
including Community Coffee, Wilkins Tea and Kraml milk.
The ads starred two new Muppets -- the cheerful Wilkins, who liked Wilkins
Coffee, and the grumpy Wontkins, who hated it. And they were nutty beyond
belief. How nutty? This nutty.
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"Grenade" |
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[
Wilkins and Wontkins are in a foxhole, wearing shelter hats. Wilkins is
holding a grenade. ]
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Wilkins
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Let's
take a Wilkins Coffee break!
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Wontkins
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No.
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Wilkins
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Then
hold this while I have a cup.
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[
Wilkins zips away. Boom! ]
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Wilkins
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Some
people just go to pieces without their Wilkins Coffee!
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"Close
Shave" |
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[
Wilkins is a barber, with a white coat. Wontkins is in the barber chair,
face covered in shaving cream. ]
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Wontkins
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Gimme
a close shave!
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Wilkins
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Do
you drink Wilkins Coffee?
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Wontkins
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Never!
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Wilkins
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My
friend... [ Wilkins brandishes a huge razor. ] This is gonna be the closest
shave you ever had!
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"Blow
Torch" |
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[
Wilkins and Wontkins are working in a factory. Wilkins has a welder's mask
and a blow torch. Wontkins has a cigar in his mouth. ]
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Wontkins
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Let's
take a break!
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Wilkins
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Ah!
Community Coffee time. Want a cup?
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Wontkins
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No,
gimme a light!
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[
Wilkins blasts the blow torch in Wontkins' face. Wontkins is blackened, the
cigar burnt to a crisp. ]
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Wilkins
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He's
smoking more now and enjoying it less!
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"Club" |
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[
Wontkins looks warily at a pile of Wilkins Coffee cans. Wilkins has a big
wooden club. ]
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Wilkins
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Have
some Wilkins Coffee?
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Wontkins
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Well,
I --
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[
Thunk! Wilkins hits Wontkins with the club. ]
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Wontkins
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I
say, uh --
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[
Thunk! ]
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Wontkins
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I'll
take some!
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Wilkins
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Surprising
how many people are switching to Wilkins Coffee!
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"Bank
Robber" |
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[
Wilkins is a bank teller, holding a coffee cup. Wontkins enters, with a mask
over his face. Wilkins looks around furtively. ]
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Wontkins
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This
is a stickup! Gimme the money!
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Wilkins
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Sorry,
I'm on my Comunity Coffee break!
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Wontkins
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C'mon,
lemme have it!
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[
A panel opens in the desk, revealing a machine gun. Wilkins shoots Wontkins,
who collapses. ]
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Wilkins
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I
hate interruptions!
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"Falling
Safe" |
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[
Wilkins and Wontkins are standing on a street corner. Wilkins is holding a
string tied to something out of view. ]
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Wontkins
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Hey,
where can I get a cup of coffee?
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Wilkins
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Wilkins
Coffee?
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Wontkins
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Any
kind of coffee!
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[
Wilkins pulls the string. A safe drops on Wontkins' head, crushing him. ]
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Wilkins
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I
guess he must be what you'd call accident prone.
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"Jingle
in Bed" |
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[
Wilkins and Wontkins are sleeping together in a double bed. Wilkins sits up
in bed and sings a Wilkins jingle. ]
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Wilkins
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More
and more people are waking UP to Wilkins Coffee!
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[
Wontkins wakes up. ]
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Wontkins
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QUIET!
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[
Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club. Wontkins falls back on the pillow. ]
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Wilkins
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Some
people go to sleep with it. Wilkins Decaffeinated, of course.
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Next in the
March Anthology:
You
think those are weird?
Wait
till you see
the Kraml milk
ads.
March
Anthology
--
Anthology
Contents
Danny@ToughPigs.com
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