Tough Pigs Anthology

 

The Muppets Take Madison Avenue

March 2002

   

March Anthology  --  Anthology Contents

 

 

Part Five : Tender, Meaty Richness

Esskay Meats ads

Late 1950's and early 60's

 

   Ladies and gentlemen, frogs and pigs, Muppet Fans around the world, let's take a moment to bow our heads and give some respect to Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage. Why? Well, for one thing, it's delicious. But also because Esskay Meats was the sponsor of Sam and Friends, and it's thanks to them that Jim Henson got the chance to break into TV puppetry. 

 

   Remember the "Ol' Black Magic" number that they always show on the Henson documentaries, with Sam and Kermit dancing on a prop TV screen? Well, the documentaries always cut away when the song's over... but when that segment originally aired, here's what happened next:

 

Esskay Meats -- Interruption

 

[ Sam and Kermit finish their song, and the "TV screen" goes dark. Then Omar appears on the screen, dressed in a suit and tie.]

 

Omar

 

Folks, tonight I'd like to talk about --

 

[ Omar is interrupted by Professor Madcliffe, a wild-eyed professor who runs into the room and talks back to Omar on the TV screen. ]

 

Madcliffe

 

Hold it! Stop the presses!

 

Omar

 

Excuse me, Professor, but I'm in the middle of a commercial.

 

Madcliffe

 

Nope, I've decided we're going to call off the commercial tonight. You're all getting sloppy on your delivery. Come up here, everybody.

 

Omar

 

The Esskay people aren't going to like this...

 

[ Harry and Yorick enter. ]

 

Madcliffe

 

All right now, gentlemen. We've got a problem. We're not getting the Esskay Quality story across to our audience. Here's a company that's been turning out the finest quality products for over a hundred years. And what are we doing about it?

 

Omar

 

Well, if you'd stop interrupting --

 

Madcliffe

 

NOTHING! Those listeners out there are doing the important thing when they shop. They're buying for the most important people in the world -- their family! And that means they shouldn't be buying anything but Esskay quality products, right?

 

Omar

 

Right!

 

Madcliffe

 

All right then. Let's do a good job, now. Try it, Omar. And give it some gumption!

 

Omar

 

I can't. Our time is up!

 

 

 

Esskay Meats -- Megaphone

 

[ Professor Madcliffe enters, shouting through a megaphone. ]

 

Madcliffe

LADIES and GENTLEMEN! Introducing the new --

 

[ Harry enters. ]

 

Harry

Hold it! Wait a minute. You can't come shouting in here. We're on the air.

 

Madcliffe

Blast off! I've got news that's too hot to keep! LADIES...

 

Harry

Hold it. Look, Professor, I'm a patient man, but what could be important enough to shout about? All this confusion could cost us our jobs.

 

Madcliffe

[ softer ]  Ladies and gentlemen, I'll try to remain calm as I tell you about the new Esskay idea in flavor. It's the new Esskay PORK and BACON SAUSAGE! It combines the wonderful taste of pure PORK SAUSAGE with the delicious flavor of hickory-smoked quality BACON!

 

Harry

 

Well, why didn't you say so sooner? Pork and Bacon is the brand new flavor for tasty breakfast. And it cooks to a tender, meaty richness every time.

 

Madcliffe

 

The people over at Esskay make it fresh EVERY DAY!

 

Harry

 

Get some new Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage soon.

 

Madcliffe

 

TODAY!

 

Harry

 

Remember... with Esskay Quality meats, you can taste the difference Q-wal-ity makes.

 

 

 

Esskay Meats -- Kitchen

 

[ Kermit is in the kitchen with Esskay spokesmodel Pat. Pat is frying up some breakfast. ]

 

Kermit

 

Hey, Pat, what would most people like for breakfast?

 

Pat

 

Well, uh...

 

Kermit

 

I mean, what would really make 'em sit up and say Mmmmm!

 

Pat

 

Well, I think that...

 

Kermit

 

I tell ya, something new and delicious. Look. You take this Esskay hickory smoked bacon and Esskay pure pork sausage. And you combine 'em. Now wouldn't that taste terrific?

 

Pat

 

It does. And we're having some right now. It's Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage!

 

Kermit

 

Them Esskay people don't miss a trick.

 

Pat

 

No, sir. It's tender pork sausage, blended with tiny morsels of bacon -- a different delicious idea from Esskay, the people who make all of their meats up to a standard, not down to a price. And it goes great with eggs! Here, now, doesn't that make you want to sit up and say --

 

Kermit

 

Mmmmmm! Folks, Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage is another wonderful way to taste the difference Q-wal-ity makes.  [ Kermit kisses the package. ]

 

 

 

Next in the March Anthology:

Who else likes Esskay Meats?

Rowlf the Dog does!

 

March Anthology  --  Anthology Contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com