Tough Pigs Anthology

March 2005

 

New Muppet Stuff

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

 

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March 6, 2005: The Muppets appeared on ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, helping Ty Pennington and the team rebuild the home of the Harris family, who have the first ever set of surviving African-American sextuplets. The Harris' home was damaged by Hurricane Ivan, and the Muppets were there to pitch in... or maybe make things worse.

 

 

   

 

(Host Ty Pennington explains the situation on Day 6...)

 

Ty

So we're running out of time, right, and we're building a house for a family that's got seven kids... So I got us some extra help, some folks who have been working with families a lot. 

 

   

 

(A heavy box is set down on the table.)

 

Ty

And they should be arriving... right now!

 

 

   

 

   

 

(He lifts up the box, revealing Fozzie and Kermit, who cough and sputter as they take off the packing material.)

 

Ty

Hey, you guys made it!

 

   

 

Kermit

Phew. Oh, hi there, Ty!

 

Fozzie

I've seen some small rooms in my time, but that was ridiculous!

 

Kermit

Mmmm.

 

Fozzie

That box was so small --

 

Kermit

Uh, Fozzie? Not now, Fozzie.

 

Fozzie

Oh, good. I didn't have a punchline for that joke anyhow.

 

Kermit

Good. Hey, we're so glad we could help; I know exactly what the Harrises are going through. You know, as a tadpole in the swamp, I had 3,265 brothers and sisters!

 

Ty

Really!

 

Kermit

Yeah.

 

Ty

So, hey, where's Miss Piggy?

 

Kermit

Oh. Well, you know how it is. She wasn't quite on board with being shipped overnight... so they say when pigs fly, they fly first class.

 

Ty

Right.

 

Kermit

She should be here any minute, though.

 

   

 

Kermit

Oh, look!

 

Piggy

Oh, oh, sorry I'm late, but my limo driver got lost on the way from the airport...

 

(Piggy stops short when she sees Ty.)

 

   

 

   

 

Piggy

Ho-ly maracas! Who's the guy with the hair?

 

Kermit

Oh, that's Ty, Miss Piggy. He's the one who invited us here.

 

   

 

(Piggy makes herself comfortable.)

 

Piggy

Oh! Hello, Ty... My name's Miss Piggy! 

 

(At a loss, Ty gets to business.)

 

Ty

... So, listen! Maybe we should all kind of get busy.

 

Kermit

Yeah, sure.

 

Piggy

Oh, yes! Yes!

 

Ty

What can you guys do... Carpentry? Drywall? Roofing?

 

Kermit

Uhhh... well, not really...

 

Piggy

Oh, I know! I can massage your back! How about that?

 

Kermit

Good grief. We're willing to try anything, Ty.

 

Ty

That would be great.

 

(They all walk away, excited.)

 

Ty

I love the hair. Are those extensions?

 

Piggy

Oh, you...

 

   

 

   

 

   

 

(After they walk away, a box marked DANGER suddenly comes to life. With a shout, Animal bursts out of the top of the box.)

 

Animal

MAKE-O-VER! MAKE-O-VER! Ah ha ha ha ha!

 

   

 

Kermit

Ah. Nothing like a little yard work to make ya feel great. 

 

(Fozzie walks behind him, carrying a ladder.) 

 

Kermit

Ah -- be careful with that ladder, Fozz!

 

   

 

   

 

(Fozzie turns around to answer; Kermit quickly ducks under the swinging ladder. He pops up, and then ducks when Fozzie swings it round again.)

 

Fozzie

Kermit?

 

(Kermit pops up again, behind Fozzie.)

 

Kermit

Phew, he almost got me. Jeez --

 

   

 

   

 

   

 

(Fozzie swings around again, clocking Kermit and knocking him over. Fozzie shrugs, and keeps moving with the ladder.)

 

Fozzie

Oh, well.

 

   

 

   

 

Paul

You know, we take whatever help we can get -- from neighbors, from celebrities -- and to have the Muppets come in, Kermit and the gang... they certainly helped. They helped big time. 

 

(Kermit walks by, stumbling under the weight of his box.) 

 

   

 

(Fozzie comes by with a box marked FRAGILE. He trips, and drops the box -- which falls to the ground with a horrifying smash.)

 

   

 

   

 

(Fozzie looks around, sees that nobody's watching, and picks up the box again as if nothing happened.)

 

   

 

Michael

So I thought they were supposed to help me. Miss Piggy's sitting there, lounging on the chair... 

 

   

 

   

 

Michael

Hey, guys... That goes in the living room, right by the fireplace. 

 

(Piggy looks down at the guys carrying the chair.) 

 

Piggy

You heard the man. Chop chop! 

 

(She leans back in the chair as they carry her inside.) 

 

   

 

Michael

She didn't lift a finger. She's a diva. 

 

Ty

It was just awesome that they were a part of this thing... We had such a blast. In fact, I think Animal is still in the house somewhere. 

 

   

 

   

 

(Animal is carrying heavy boxes when he sees two girls walk by. He drops the boxes and gives chase.)

 

Animal

WO-MAN! WO-MAN! 

 

Ty

Animal and I should probably talk at some point about ADHD. 

 

   

 

Kermit

Well, y'know, I have to say that we were all kind of honored to be asked to be a part of this. To be able to do something so nice for such a great family... They're great people, and they're good to their kids... Welcome home, Harris family! Welcome home. 

 

   

 

(The next morning, Ty starts getting hyper.) 

 

Ty

So, listen, I don't know if you're aware of this, buddy, but you're wearing slippers. It's not really a slumber party. Well, you have been working some long hours, haven't you. Okay. Probably need to brush your teeth, right? Get a shave in there. And then just amp back up, buddy, because guess what: WE'VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS BEFORE THE FAMILY COMES HOME, SO SNAP OUT OF IT, SUNSHINE! STAY IN LINE, WE GOT A LOT MORE TO DO! LET'S DO IT!!! 

 

(Cut to Ty, in an interview spot.) 

 

Ty

Kermit... The guy is just a natural born leader. He's got his own megaphone. 

 

   

 

   

 

(Kermit startles Michael by shouting into his ear.)

 

Kermit

MICHAEL, HURRY! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS! THOSE GUYS ARE GONNA --

 

(Michael silences him with a glare.)

 

Michael

Not you, too...

 

   

 

(Kermit attacks Paul, who's under a bed.)

 

Kermit

PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME FOR AN OIL CHANGE! WE HAVE TWO HOURS! TWO HOURS TO GO! HURRY!

 

   

 

Ty

WE GOT TWO HOURS, PEOPLE! LET'S MOVE IT! TWO HOURS!

 

Kermit

POLISH! POLISH! POLISH! POLISH!

 

   

 

Ty

WE'VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS TO FINISH!

 

Kermit

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! AAAHH!

 

(Kermit is startled by an oncoming toy train, and runs away.)

 

   

 

   

 

(Kermit yells at a row of stuffed animals.) 

 

Kermit

COME ON, YOU MONSTERS! WE'VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS TO GO! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHAT'S -- 

 

(He takes a closer look.) 

 

Kermit

Oh. Not real. Heh heh. 

 

  

 

Kermit

TWO HOURS TO GO! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS TO GO! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 

 

(They finish up, the family comes home, and that's the last we see of the Muppets until the end credits...) 

 

   

 

   

 

(Fozzie is trying to hammer a nail with a rubber chicken. Swinging vigorously, he smacks Paul in the face with the chicken.) 

 

   

 

   

 

Fozzie

I don't think that's gonna work. Do you have a hammer? 

 

Paul

Yeah, I do have a hammer. 

 

Fozzie

Yeah. 

 

(Paul looks around... and then rethinks.) 

 

Paul

I wonder if I should keep the hammer away from you. 

 

   

 

The Muppets also appeared the next night

on the "How'd They Do That?" show,

with some more funny clips...

 

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