(In her trailer, Miss Piggy has worked herself up.)

Kermit

Piggy, what's wrong? 

Piggy

Oh, Kermie... We're on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and they won't give me a script!

Kermit

Piggy, there is no script. It's a reality show! 

Piggy

Ah ha ha ha! Reality? 

Kermit

Mm hmm. 

Piggy

Kermie, I'm from Hollywood. I don't do reality. 

Kermit

No, no, no. It just means that there's no script. We just say whatever we want, and they tape it!

Piggy

Whatever we want?

Kermit

Whatever we want.

Piggy

Dear, come in for a close-up.

Kermit

Uhh...

Piggy

Yes. That's good.

Piggy

Hello, ABC! This is Miss Piggy! And I think it's about time I got my own show! Something classy -- yet steamy! Oh, I know... Desperate Divas! Yes! Ah ha ha ha! 

Kermit

Piggy, will you come on? We've got to get to work. There's a house to build!

Piggy

Kermie, we're divas. We don't build homes -- we wreck 'em!

Kermit

Ty's waiting...

Piggy

Outta my way!

(Piggy charges right over Kermit, out the door and into a montage.)

Animal

Oh, my hand, my hand...

Kermit

I'm a frog in a T-shirt!

Kermit

How'd they do that?

Constance

It was so great having the Muppets with us this week. 

Animal

MAKE-OVER! MAKE-OVER! HA HA HA HA HA... Cut.

Ty

We had the Muppets, they came to help, and they were awesome... 

(Kermit barks at a dog outside the trailer. Then he hears a motorcycle revving up.)

Kermit

Oh! My hog.

Piggy

But I'm your hog, Kermie!

Paul

There's no one like the Muppets.

(Fozzie struggles with a large box.)

(He drops the box with a loud, horrifying crash. He looks down at the wreckage, then turns to the people standing nearby.)

Fozzie

Hey, you guys are doing great. Keep up the good work!

Michael

I'm not exactly sure those little critters actually helped us. But it was fun, having them around. 

(Michael surveys Kermit's look.)

Michael

You need a tan. 

Kermit

Yeah... Well, I have to be careful. I have very sensitive skin.

Michael

Do you burn? 

Kermit

Oh, yeah. Bright red.

Kermit

Well, I tried to pitch in wherever I could, y'know? Fozzie and I, and Miss Piggy's around... 

Kermit

(shrieking into his megaphone:) Come on, come on, come on, we only have TWO HOURS TO GO!

Kermit

Y'know, we're fairly handy.

(Fozzie approaches Paul at the workbench.) 

Fozzie

So, Ty... 

(Paul reacts.) 

Fozzie

No, you're not Ty! You're the other guy! 

Paul

I'm Paul. 

Fozzie

Sorry! 

Paul

What's amazing about Fozzie is everybody thinks, oh, you know, he's not real smart, Fozzie's not -- he's very, he's a bright guy.

Fozzie

Ty told me to come over and help you.

Paul

Yeah, so what can you do?

Fozzie

I can tell jokes.

Paul

You know what, how about a picture frame? You put a picture in it, give it to Michael, and they'll hang it in the house.

Fozzie

I like it!

Kermit

You know, Paul was very, very nice to Fozzie.

Paul

You need to borrow any of my tools? What do you need --

Fozzie

Oh, no, no. I got my own tools right here.

Ty

Fozzie Bear and Paul ended up working on a project together, and it's kinda funny, Fozzie's a comedian.

(Fozzie starts unpacking his tool box.)

Fozzie

Rubber chicken...

(He pulls an egg out of the box.)

Fozzie

Ah ha ha! I guess the chicken came before the egg, huh?

(Paul looks up from his work. Fozzie tosses the egg over his shoulder, and goes back to the box.)

Ty

And, Paul? Well, he's kinda funny, but he gets tired and grumpy, so seeing those guys working on a project together was hilarious. 

(Fozzie takes out a mop, a baseball, and juggling pins. Paul struggles to balance all of this on the workbench.) 

Paul

You want me to get you your own table? 

Fozzie

This is okay. This is fine.

Paul

This'll work for you? 

Fozzie

This'll work for me.  

(Fozzie pulls a plastic pepperoni pizza out of his box, and carefully lays it on the table.)

Fozzie

In case we get hungry later. 

Kermit

Paul was very patient and nice. I don't know what everybody's talking about. Didn't seem grumpy at all. 

(Fozzie tries to hammer with his rubber chicken. He swings wide, and smacks Paul in the face.) 

Constance

Who knew Fozzie was a carpenter? 

(Fozzie shows off the picture frame he made.) 

Fozzie

What do you think? 

Ty

Now, it didn't turn out that great, but he really put his heart and soul into this thing. 

Paul

I think it's, it's great. It's great.

Fozzie

Yeah? 

Paul

It's missing something, aren't we? 

Fozzie

We are? 

Paul

A picture. 

Fozzie

Oh, a picture! Oh, right! A picture. Yes.

Paul

He's just a great guy. He really helped me out a lot. He did a great job on his little picture frame.

(Michael grimaces as he hangs Fozzie's picture on the wall.)

Michael

Lovely. Not.

Paul

Yeah, a little narcissistic of Fozzie to put his own picture in the frame, but, you know... it works.

(The Muppets and the Makeover team get a picture taken.)

Photog

One more time! One, two, three!

Michael

You're in my LIGHT!

Piggy

Oh, really.

Michael

Oh, really!

Piggy

It's MY light!

Michael

MY light.

Piggy

MY light!

Ty

Miss Piggy was... interesting. She's a bit of a diva.

Piggy

For a makeover show, you sure are shy with the blush. Come on, lay it on thick! Come on!

Michael

That pig had enough blush on her. But noooo, Miss Piggy wanted more.

Piggy

Well, I would have been here sooner, but I misunderstood! I thought this was Extreme Makeover: Rome Edition. I just spent the last three days wallpapering the Sistine Chapel. (She's unsatisfied.) I didn't hear any laughs. 

(Off screen, people laugh.) 

Piggy

That's more like it. 

(They laugh more.) 

Piggy

Don't patronize me! 

Ty

She's great. Very aggressive. I mean, very aggressive. Very forward. 

Piggy

Ho-ly maracas! Who's the guy with the hair! 

Kermit

Oh, that's Ty, Miss Piggy. He's the one who invited us here. 

Piggy

Oh. Heh heh. Hello, Ty.  

Constance

She's got a little thing for Ty. 

Piggy

Ty is every girl's dream. He's charming... he's witty... and he knows how to operate a power saw. 

Ty

Well, you look great. 

Piggy

Because I'm a fabulous star.  

Ty

Yes. 

Piggy

Like vous. Ah ha ha! 

(Ty cracks up, and it takes a minute for him to get it together. Piggy turns and walks away.) 

Piggy

Okay, let's get this show on the road! 

Kermit

You know what? If Piggy wants to throw herself at Ty Pennington, who am I to stand in the way? 

Piggy

Outta my way! 

Kermit

Hmph. Why should I care. I mean, I sorta care, but.  

Constance

You know, those kinds of things should be left off the job site, Miss Piggy.  

Kermit

You know, we were sort of honored to be a part of this, to be able to do something so nice for such a great family. It's wonderful. The Muppets love to do things like that.   

(The family arrives in their van.)  

Kermit

It's the Harrises! Yaaaaaaaay! 

Ty

Welcome home, Harris family! 

Kermit

Look, there they are! 

Ty

And of course, the sextuplets! 

Kermit

Wow. 

Piggy

I think I want six, Kermie! 

Kermit

Six what? 

Piggy

You know... 

Kermit

Good grief. 

Kermit

You know, it was very touching when the Harrises came home. I personally shed a small tear. From each eye. One on each eye.

Piggy

How do I look? Do I look good? I'm not shining too much, am I? I mean, I'm a star, I don't want to shine too much, you know. Yes. I want Ty to really like me. I want him to like me. Okay. Oh, thank you, dear.