Tough Pigs Anthology

December 2005

 

Santa Maybe

Ernie and Bert meet Sinterklaas

 

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Saint and Pete Visit Us  (Sint En Piet Op Bezoek)

 

Ernie

 

Grover, Grover, take it easy. I have an idea. I'm glad you're here.

 

Grover

 

Oh, are you really happy I am here?

 

Ernie

 

Yes, because now the three of us can sing a canon.

 

Bert

 

A cannon? The thing that goes kaboom?

 

Ernie

 

No, that's a cannon. But a canon is a lot more fun.

 

Grover

 

Yeah, that's fun for sailing in, on a lake or a river.

 

Bert

 

No, that's a canoe.

 

Ernie

 

And some canoes are edible, if they're made of biscuit. But now I'll start the canon. I wrote it myself. I'll tell you when you can join in.

 

All

 

Saint and Pete visit us

Saint and Pete visit us

It's a fun party

And we've been very good

And we'll get candy and cookies

And no scolding

 

Sinterklaas, come on in

Let the party begin

We're ready, so come in and sing along

 

Black Pete, get off that roof

Take that big sack along

And we won't go to bed, hola-dee-yay

 

 

 

 

Doubts  (Twijfels)

 

Grover

 

I cannot take this anymore!

 

Bert

 

Me neither!

 

Ernie

 

I can! And we'll keep on singing until Sinterklaas comes.

 

Bert

 

But then we'll be too tired to sing for Sinterklaas, when he eventually comes in. Eventually.

 

Grover

 

SINTERKLAAS, COME ON IN, WITH YOUR LITTLE HELPER!

 

Bert

 

Stop that, Grover!

 

Grover

 

Excuse me.

 

Bert

 

Is being naughty a bad thing?

 

Ernie

 

Maybe only if Sinterklaas noticed it.

 

Bert

 

Sinterklaas knows everything. We'd better watch out. He's sitting on his horse on the roof right now, listening...

 

Ernie

 

Sinterklaas is just a nice man. And he's coming to celebrate with us.

 

Bert

 

But isn't being naughty bad?

 

Ernie

 

Everyone is naughty at times. Sinterklaas too.

 

Bert

 

Watch out, Ernie. Otherwise you won't get any presents.

 

Ernie

 

And riding a horse on a roof. That's not even possible without falling. It's just a funny story, just for fun.

 

Grover

 

I do not know... I do not know...

 

Bert

 

There they are!! Sinterklaas! I'll open the door!

 

Grover

 

Where is the closet?! WHERE IS THE CLOSET?! QUICK!

 

Bert

 

Hello, Saint Nicholas. Welcome.

 

Sinterklaas

 

Thank you, young man. Ha ha ha.

 

Bert

 

Get away from that chair, Ernie. Sinterklaas has to sit there. Take a seat, Sinterklaas.

 

Ernie

 

Hello. Are you Black Pete? I am Ernie.

 

 

 

 

It's Sinterklaas' Birthday  (Sinterklaas Is Jarig)

 

Sinterklaas

 

There, Bert and Ernie. I heard many things about you. You are good friends, right?

 

Bert

 

Yes, Sinterklaas, we are. We live here together.

 

Ernie

 

It's your birthday, right?

 

Sinterklaas

Tomorrow is my birthday, but I celebrate it today. So you live here together. I knew that. Do you share everything with each other, too?

 

Bert

 

Yes, we do, Sinterklaas.

 

Ernie

 

Not everything.

 

Bert

EVERYTHING. That chocolate pigeon too, huh, Ernie?

 

Ernie

 

Uhm, yes. That chocolate pigeon... We shared that together. But I don't remember how it tasted.

 

Bert

 

It was delicious, Sinterklaas. And big. Big and delicious.

 

Ernie

 

Was our house easy to find?

 

Sinterklaas

 

Pete keeps track of those things. He knows exactly where I have to be. Right, Pete?

 

Pete

Not always, Sinterklaas. We once got lost. We wanted to go to Grover's and ended up at Kermit's. 

 

Grover

 

(in the closet) ACHOO!

 

Sinterklaas

 

Did I hear someone sneezing?

 

Bert

 

I didn't hear anything. (PRRFFFT) Oh. Excuse me.

 

Ernie

 

Did you hear that?

 

Bert

 

Quiet.

 

Ernie

 

Bert broke wind. Did you hear that, Sinterklaas?

 

Sinterklaas

 

No, but I can smell it.

 

Bert

 

I'll be back later...

 

Ernie

 

He couldn't help it, Sinterklaas.

 

Sinterklaas

 

It's okay. It's just that the smell is a little unpleasant. But that is a matter of taste.

 

Grover

A-CHOO! (stumbles out of the closet) Oh, I fell down... oooh!! OOOH!

 

Sinterklaas

 

Who are you?

 

Grover

 

(scared) I am Grover, and I... I...

 

Sinterklaas

 

And where did you come from?

 

Grover

 

Out of the closet. I just wanted to check, but I'd rather go back...

 

Sinterklaas

 

I am Sinterklaas.

 

Grover

 

Oh, you can clearly see that. But I'd rather get back into the closet, because I have not found... I am looking for something.

 

Sinterklaas

 

Why don't you take a seat, Grover.

 

Grover

 

All right, Sinterklaas. Good, Sinterklaas. Where should I sit? Here, or there? WHERE SHOULD I SIT?! Which seat is Bert's? ERNIE! Which seat is Bert's?

 

Ernie

 

Bert sat here.

 

Grover

 

Good, then I will sit here. Can I sit here?

 

Bert

 

I'm back. Would you like a drink, Sinterklaas? A glass of soda or a glass of lemonade?

 

Ernie

 

Or milk. I don't like milk much...

 

Sinterklaas

 

No, thank you. I already drank too much and I still have to ride my horse.

 

Grover

 

Listen, do you want me to sit here, or should I sit over there? WHERE SHOULD I SIT?!!

 

Ernie

 

Just stay where you are, Grover. Quiet.

 

Sinterklaas

 

Pete? Where are the presents?

 

Pete

 

Here, Saint. A whole sack full.

 

Sinterklaas

 

Hold it, hold. First you have to sing, yes.

 

Bert

 

See, Ernie?

 

 

 

 

De Pakjespolka  (The Presents Polka)

 

Sinterklaas

 

Do you know the song called "The Presents Polka," the one that goes "hop faldera, the Presents Polka"? Pete, would you be so kind to accompany the youngsters on your electric organ?

 

Pete

 

Me? I hope I can do that, because...

 

Bert

 

How did that start again? Oh, yes...

 

Pete

 

Like this?

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

 

Ernie

 

What did I get, what did you get?

 

Bert

 

Is there something for me?

 

Ernie

 

Look over here, look over there

 

Bert

 

Do you have the scissors?

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

 

Ernie

 

Grover! You have to sing too!

 

Grover

 

What is this, what is that?

It looks like a bag of french fries

 

Ernie

 

I think it's a "sur-prise"

 

Bert

 

The pepper makes me sneeze

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

 

Ernie

 

Look at that, Bert. It's wrapped real tight.

 

Bert

 

I have a humming top!

 

Ernie

 

That's not a humming top, that's a flying saucer! Look at this pretty present... oh no, that's yours.

 

Bert

 

Read the poem first!

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

 

Ernie

 

Presents full of pretty things

But sing a silly song first

Presents filled with foolish things

Sinterklaas is very generous

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

 

Sinterklaas

 

Peppernuts, marzipan

And those who haven't been sweet this year...

Will be sweet now! Hahahaha!

 

But don't forget to brush your teeth afterwards.

 

Bert

 

Yes, Sinterklaas, you can count on that.

 

Bert & Ernie

 

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

The Presents Polka, hop faldera

Hop faldera, the Presents Polka, 

Presents everywhere

Presents everywhere

Presents everywhere

 

 

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Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

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