Martha

Well, today we're so lucky to have with us the master cookie connoisseur of all time.

Cookie

Hi.

Martha

The one and only... what's your name?

Cookie

Cookie Monster.

Martha

Oh, good.

Cookie

Cooooo-kie Monster!

Martha

You know him, don't you?

Cookie

Not just Cookie Monster, but Cooooo-kie Monster!

Martha

All right, all right. What's your favorite cookie, Cookie Monster?

Cookie

Chocolate chippy.

Martha

Oh, Alexis' famous chocolate chippies?

Cookie

Who?

Martha

Alexis, my daughter!

Cookie

Oh, really? She like that too? She smart girl.

Martha

Yes. She makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the whole world. And maybe -- if you're good, and patient, we can do a project together.

Cookie

Really? Like, build a house? 

Martha

Uh, something like that.

Cookie

Yeah? Okay, me get hammer.

Martha

And we're also going to learn how to keep snakes as pets.

Cookie

Me going to miss that segment.

Martha

You don't like snakes?

Cookie

No, me got to get a taxi for that one.

Martha

And we're also going to see some wonderful carved wood replicas. You know what those are? Replicas?

Cookie

Rep-a-lick-as?

Martha

Replicas.

Cookie

Rep-a-lick-as. No, me no know that.

Martha

Of Noah's Ark, and those wonderful animals who spent a rather long time -- how many days and nights? On the Ark?

Cookie

Uh... I think, uh, with room service, two weeks.

Martha

I think they spent a little longer...

Cookie

You know what? Me have no idea what you talking about.

Martha

Okay. But stay tuned, we have a really great show. Including... Cookie Monster.

Cookie

What she say.

[ Theme song ]

[ Open with Martha combing Cookie Monster's fur with a fork. ]

Martha

How does that feel?

Cookie

Good. You getting fleas?

Martha

No, no fleas. You're very clean.

Cookie

Thank you very much. That feel good.

Martha

Well. We love to make cookies on this show.

Cookie

COOKIES?

Martha

Yes, cookies!

Cookie

Cook -- me wonder why me here! You going to make COO-KIES?

Martha

We have a cookie of the week...

Cookie

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Martha

Guess how many cookies we've made over the years, of the week.

Cookie

... Whuh?

Martha

One hundred and fifty different cookies of the week. 

Cookie

Name them all.

Martha

Oh, my gosh. Well, they start with Alexis'...

Cookie

Never mind! Me no want to hear. Me just want to eat. Where the cookies? Where cookies?

Martha

No cookies, no cookies. We're trying to make a project first.

Cookie

A house?

Martha

No... I'll tell you what it is, as we go along. This is a very special recipe, in your honor.

Cookie

Hey, Martha?

Martha

Yes?

Cookie

Why are all lights and cameras here, in your kitchen?

Martha

Oh, because this is a studio.

Cookie

Oh. Because on Sesame Street, me have all lights and cameras around. Me no understand that. Me no get it.

Martha

Oh, yes you do. You're a professional.

Cookie

Professional what?

Martha

You're a professional.

Cookie

Me professional monster.

Martha

Yes, exactly.

Cookie

What you doing?

Martha

Well, I'm cutting up some chocolate. It's one of the ingredients of our project. And in this big electric mixer -- I just want it chunky.

Cookie

That a big electric mixer. Yes. Wow.

Martha

Yes. You're very nice. I've never met Cookie Monster in person before...

Cookie

You like touching me, don't you?

Martha

Yes, I do. I like furry animals.

Cookie

Really.

Martha

I do. We're going to make what we call Chewy Cherry Chunk... that's the code name. So, in this bowl, we have already creamed some butter. Half a cup. How much is half a cup of butter? 

Cookie

Oh... 'bout my mouth full.

Martha

One stick. Right. One stick of unsalted butter at room temperature, and a half a cup of granulated sugar, and a half a cup of light brown sugar. So keep the speed on medium until it's well combined... add one egg. I like blue eggs. They matches you, Cookie Monster, look.

Cookie

Oh, look, a blue -- it's Easter time! Easter Bunny! Where Easter Bunny?

Martha

No, he's not here yet. That's a way away. So, one egg into the mixture. Does this sound familiar, this kind of recipe? What has eggs and sugar and butter?

Cookie

Cake?

Martha

Yeah, cake. But you don't like cake that much, do you?

Cookie

Oh, me could go for cake. But me LOVE COO-KIES!

Martha

One and three-quarters teaspoon of pure vanilla extract... Smell, smell. You like the vanilla?

Cookie

[ sniffs ]  That delicious.

Martha

I like it. Don't put your nose too far in there, you might get hurt.

Cookie

Me looking at the thing going round.

Martha

And then we're going to sift one and a half cups of flour... just tipping that in... Flour...

Cookie

[ watching the mixer: ]  Me getting sick...

Martha

Are you really an expert in cookies?

Cookie

Scuse me. Got to stop that. Reminder to self: Not look at MixMaster. 

Martha

A quarter of a teaspoon of salt... and half a teaspoon of baking soda.

Cookie

Why you saying this aloud?

Martha

Well, I'm trying to teach you a recipe, but you seem to be...

Cookie

Should me write this down?

Martha

No, no, don't write this down, because you know why? All these recipes are always on the website. And you are internet savvy, aren't you?

Cookie

Say wha'?

Martha

Internet savvy.

Cookie

What website?

Martha

Savvy. Savvy. Knowledgeable. You know how to go to the website, right?

Cookie

Go to website?

Martha

Yes.

Cookie

What website?

Martha

My website. MarthaStewart.com. 

Cookie

Dot wha'?

Martha

Like SesameStreet.com.

Cookie

Martha... me only monster. Me not know that much.

Martha

You are a very smart monster. Now, I'm putting in all the dry ingredients...

Cookie

Anyone know what website is? Anybody?

Martha

Website... Internet...

Cookie

Nobody knows what website is. Me think you imagining it. Web-Site.

Martha

Now, look. This is an important ingredient, Cookie Monster.

Cookie

What?

Martha

These are cherries, dried cherries. They were sour cherries at one time, and they were dried. And now we are reconstituting them, slightly.

Cookie

They look wet to me! They look wet! 

Martha

Smell, smell.

Cookie

Truth in advertising! They not dry!

Martha

Well, they're wet now, cause I reconstituted them in water.

Cookie

You re-what-uted them?

Martha

So that's one cup of dried cherries, and you plump them in water. Three quarters of a cup of chopped white chocolate...

Cookie

You sure me should not be writing this down?

Martha

Don't write it down, believe me, it's on the website. And don't forget, one half cup of coarsely chopped milk chocolate, which I love. This is my favorite ingredient in this whole... thing that we're making. This whole project. Milk chocolate.

Cookie

Me like it too. 

Martha

And pecans.

Cookie

Are we taping?

Martha

Oh, definitely. So now I'm going to turn this on, last little mix. And don't mix it too much because you don't want to mess up all those chocolate chunks. Now, this is Project X. Can we call it Project X, Cookie Monster?

Cookie

Martha, it your show. You can call whatever you want. You could call it Shirley. Couldn't we call it Shirley?

Martha

Yes.

Cookie

Okay.

Martha

Now, here -- three on a tray.

Cookie

Three Shirleys on tray!

Martha

Pre-heat your oven to 350...

Cookie

Me no got oven on me.

Martha

Okay, but we have one over on the wall.

Cookie

Oh, lucky.

Martha

Yes, we're very lucky.

Cookie

Almost as if it were planned!

Martha

Yes. Big scoops! Bigger, better.

Cookie

Ohhh... delicious looking. Oh, that great. Like ice cream. You making ice cream!

Martha

Yeah, so... just like ice cream, only this is hot ice cream, to start.

Cookie

Hot ice cream! Oxymoron.

Martha

Yes.

Cookie

Heyyy! That not bad! Don't know what website is, but know oxymoron!

Martha

You're pretty smart, Cookie Monster, you see? I always thought you were very smart. Now, these are very large cookies. What do you think? Too big?

Cookie

... Cookies?

Martha

Uh oh. Code word. No, no, project, project.

Cookie

... You making cookies?

Martha

No, I made a mistake...

Cookie

Oh, no! Please! Please! Please! Me want cookies!

Martha

No, they're not cooked yet!

Cookie

Please! Me begging!

Martha

Wait till they're cooked...

Cookie

[ pulling on Martha's shirt: ]  Martha! Please! Me need cookies!

Martha

[ ignoring him: ]  Bake until golden, in a 350 degree oven... and rotate the baking sheets halfway through. 

Cookie

Martha! Please, Martha! 

Martha

I will take very good care of you, in just a few minutes, okay?

Cookie

Martha. Me begging. Just give me cookies please.

Martha

He really goes nuts, doesn't he? So we are never going to say cookies ever again.

Cookie

PLEASE, Martha! Me no can take it. Me no can take it...

[ commercial break ]

[ Coming back from commercial: Cookie Monster is actually tied down with rope, wound all around him. He's struggling against the rope, screaming desperately for cookies. ]

Cookie

Oh, oh! Please!

Martha

I had no idea that Cookie Monster was so voracious, and so... you're a little bit rude, Cookie Monster.

Cookie

Please! Give me cookie!

Martha

So we had to tie him up... And we're working on a project. This is Project Cookie Monster, actually. And these wonderful little cookies -- these are cut-out cookies! And these are so charming... the template is on the website! 

Cookie

Please! Please!

Martha

And now I've put on some wonderful black icing, and that's the mouth of Cookie Monster...

Cookie

Have pity!

Martha

And now I cut out the eyes...

Cookie

Please! Have pity on monster! Me no can reach!

Martha

You just have to ignore him, because he is really noisy...  You know, you are struggling too much, Cookie Monster! Wait a little bit...

Cookie

Okay. Me bribe you. You know what me give you if you give me cookie?

Martha

What will you give me?

Cookie

Um... Me got nothing to give you! Pleeeease! Pleeease, Martha!

Martha

Now, you can use these wonderful sprinkles, too...

Cookie

Sprinkles!

Martha

Yes, sprinkles! You don't like sprinkles, do you, Cookie Monster? Now, this is Project X... Ah-ta-ta-ta! Cookie Monster, oh -- he's so exhausted... But look! Once you're done, look what you have!

Cookie

Okay, here's what me do for you. You let me loose, I get you date with Bert.

Martha

Really? Bert?

Cookie

Bert. Mister Excitement.

Martha

I love Bert.

Cookie

Really? Untie me, please.

Martha

I love you better, though, Cookie Monster. Can I have a date with you if I give you a cookie?

Cookie

Please, lady!! Don't make me beg!!

Martha

Okay, let's take this off... Just put your little head down...

Cookie

Oh! OH! Aaaah! Aaah!  [ Cookie Monster goes absolutely nuts, eating every single cookie in sight, smashing the baking sheets on the ground and shoving everything into his mouth. Finally, when everything's gone, he calms down, panting. ]

Martha

Cookie Monster, you made a mess of my kitchen!

Cookie

Oh, that good. 

Martha

Okay, now. Relax. How many cookies do you need to be satisfied?

Cookie

Me satisfied now. 

Martha

Okay. God, you're choking yourself, Cookie!

Cookie

Me no care. Me no feel pain. Cookies like novocaine!

Martha

Well, there, Cookie Monster. I hope you're okay. I hope you're sated.

Cookie

Me what?

Martha

Sated. Satisfied. Are you?

Cookie

Oh, very. Except one thing.

Martha

What?

Cookie

Next time? Personal request from me. Hold the cherries.

Martha

I have just the thing for you.  [ gives him a cookie ]  Alexis' famous chocolate chips. No cherries.

Cookie

Purity! Thank you.  [ Cookie walks off screen, chomping on the cookie. ]  Oh, that good!

Martha

Very interesting, and very rambunctious guest. Wouldn't you say? I'll be sure to start making cookies months in advance for his next visit.