Tough Pigs News Extra

Sept 1, 2003

 

Johnny's Kids

Johnny Fiama and Sal on the

Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon

 

This Labor Day, the Muppets did their bit for charity by sending a couple friends to help co-host the Jerry Lewis telethon for muscular dystrophy. Unfortunately, they sent Johnny Fiama and his associate Sal. They appeared live from Hollywood at 3am (6am Eastern)...

 

          

 

Host

 

This is a very, very special moment, folks at home. We're very excited. We've got truly a performing legend. 

 

Host 2

 

I mean, the reason I got into the business, to be quite honest, is this man right here. 

 

Host

 

I think he actually, he toured with Zamfir the Pan Flutist, I know, for years. 

 

Host 2

 

Yeah, and then they had a falling out, because, uh, there was a problem with the flute. 

 

Host

 

But, yeah, Johnny Fiama is just... he's a true legend, and I think we're very, very lucky to have him perform for us. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Mr Johnny Fiama. 

 

Johnny

 

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. You know, when I was asked to sing this evening, I'm really honored to be here, and I just... [ He turns ] ... Sal, where's the band?

 

Sal

 

Well, it's three o'clock in the morning, Johnny. They went home, they went to sleep!

 

Johnny

 

They went HOME? 

 

Sal

 

Well, yeah.

 

Johnny

 

Sal, this is my shot! Where's my music? 

 

Sal

 

No, it's all right, look, I got a karaoke tape here. You ready? I'm gonna press play here.

 

    

 

Johnny

 

... Okay. 

 

Sal

 

You sing along, here we go. Ready? 

 

Johnny

 

Yeah. 

 

Sal

 

O-kay.  

 

[ He presses play, there's a few bars of jumpy music. ] 

 

Johnny

 

Oh yeah, baby... 

 

[ With a horrible screech, the tape gets eaten. ] 

 

    

 

Sal

 

[ hitting the machine ]  Aw, jeez, aw... doggone thing! Keeps doing that! 

 

Johnny

 

Ohhhh.... 

 

[ Johnny puts his head down. With a groan, he walks offstage. ] 

 

Sal

 

Sorry, Johnny. Uh oh... wait, wait, in my ear -- oh yeah, they're telling me, that now we can go to the a capella contest winners who are truly har-monn-ious. Here's Sandy, Jackie, Sue, Katherine, and Pat on the piano!  

 

Johnny

 

Thanks a lot. 

 

Sal

 

The Mood Swings!... 

 

    

 

 

 

[ Later... ] 

 

Johnny

 

Wow. What a great night, huh, Sal?

 

Sal

 

I'm having a blast! 

 

Johnny

 

I tell ya. George, Bob, you guys are terrific. I can't even begin to tell ya how wonderful this is. But, uh, let's go to our live co-hosts in Chicago, here's Bob Conner and Nadia Comaneci! 

 

Sal

 

Oh, my gosh! 

 

Johnny

 

Yeah, good morning! Good morning! 

 

Sal

 

Holy cow! 

 

    

 

Bob

 

How are you guys doing out there?

 

Sal

 

You two look fan -- I gotta tell ya, being a monkey, you two are like my heros! 

 

[ Bob laughs. ] 

 

Sal

 

You can do stuff I can't even do! 

 

Johnny

 

That's true, that's true. 

 

Bob

 

When we get out there to Hollywood, we'll swing on the bars together with you sometime. 

 

Sal

 

Oh my, I would be so honored! I gotta tell ya! 

 

[ Bob laughs again. Bob likes the monkey. ] 

 

Nadia

 

Can you do a cartwheel? 

 

Sal

 

... No. 

 

Johnny

 

If I push him real hard, yeah.  

 

Sal

 

Anyway, over to you! 

 

Bob

 

Hey, thanks a lot... 

 

          

 

 

 

[ Later... ] 

 

Johnny

 

Hey, Sal... guess what time it is, baby!

 

Sal

 

Oh, I'm way ahead a ya!

 

Johnny

 

Make it happen! 

 

Sal

 

Let's see it! Let's see the big number!

 

Johnny

 

Here it is, George! Yeah! 

 

    

 

Johnny

 

Hey, you better believe it! And that's thanks to all of you out there. Thank you so much, everybody. Keep it coming. And now we're gonna go to our lovely, lovely friend -- I'm very excited -- Tony Orlando in New York City! 

 

Sal

 

Oh, my goodness. 

 

Johnny

 

Tony... 

 

Tony

 

Thank you, guys. Thank you so very much... 

 

    

 

 

 

[ Later... ] 

 

Host

 

They have hope, but they need more than that, and that's why we're here. They need science, and MDA will make the science happen, and find a cure for ALS -- but it'll only happen with your support. So make a contribution now, and help defeat ALS. It's really important to make that contribution. I can't stress that enough. Right, Johnny? Right, Sal? 

 

Sal

 

Are you kiddin' me? 

 

Johnny

 

Yeah, Sal, tell 'em how important it is to pledge, will ya? 

 

Sal

 

Oh, ya want me to REALLY tell 'em how important it is... 

 

Johnny

 

Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. 

 

    

 

    

 

Sal

 

All right, I'll tell ya how important it is... YOU BETTER SEND YOUR MONEY IN!  

 

Host

 

Sal, you can't say that... 

 

Sal

 

I CAN SAY THAT!  

 

Host

 

No, we gotta be a little... 

 

Sal

 

I'M FROM JOISEY! 

 

Johnny

 

He's sayin' it. 

 

Sal

 

I'LL SEND THE BOYS ROUND! 

 

       

 

Host

 

No, these are nice people... These are nice folks at home. We want to entertain 'em, have a good time, and just, you know... to have them help out. So... maybe not... maybe, no threats.

 

Sal

 

Awright, awright! 

 

Johnny

 

Just make nice and send your money, awright? Keep Sal calm.

 

Sal

 

Dump yer bank accounts this way.

 

Johnny

 

All right, let's go to Chicago, Sal...

 

Sal

 

Oh, yeah, yeah! 

 

Johnny

 

Back to Bob and Nadia... Hey, guys! Back to you... 

 

    

 

 

 

[ Later... ] 

 

Host

 

I've had a great time... We're actually going to throw it to the affiliates, and then... we're leaving. 

 

Host 2

 

Yeah, you guys have to go. I'm sticking around for four more hours, but...

 

Johnny

 

Oh, hey. 

 

Sal

 

We'd love to stay with ya. 

 

Host 2

 

I know, but you're busy. You've got a lot going on.

 

Johnny

 

Yeah, I gotta get home and put my mother to bed. 

 

Sal

 

That's true... And then I gotta put him to bed. 

 

    

 

Host 2

 

Oh, by the way, I loved your mom out there, dancing. She was fantastic. 

 

Johnny

 

Oh, thank you, yeah.  

 

Host

 

You know what, this is very serious... I want to say thank you to [ list of names ] and everybody that's working very hard on this crew, in the booth, you know who you are, everybody in the audience...  

 

Johnny

 

And Jerry Lewis, we love you, baby! 

 

Sal

 

Yeah! 

 

Host

 

God bless you guys!

 

Johnny

 

Get well, Jerry! We love ya! 

 

    

 

If you'd like to help fight muscular dystrophy,

visit MDA's website at www.mdausa.org...

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

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