Part Seven: Coming Up Roses
| Kermit
|
That was super! You guys were fantastic! Let’s hear it for the Electric Mayhem Band! |
| Crowd
|
Yaaaay! |
| Kermit
|
Okay, everybody, it’s time to shoot the big finale! The camera’s ready — are you ready, Miss Piggy? |
| Piggy
|
Actually, moi could use just a teensy bit of makeup! |
| Bean
|
You got it! |
| [ Bean smacks Miss Piggy with the powder puff. She coughs and splutters… ] | |
| Kermit
|
Okay, everybody! Remember your cue! When Piggy sneezes… |
| Piggy
|
Ahhh – choo! |
| Crowd
|
Gezundheit! |
| Fozzie
|
Ahhhh! The finale! Take one! [ He claps the clacker, too close to Piggy. ] |
| Piggy
|
Ah! Fozzie! |
| Fozzie
|
So-rry! |
| Kermit
|
On three, everybody yell Action! One! Two! Three! |
| Crowd
|
ACTION! |
| Kermit
|
[ Sad music starts again. ] Oh, Piggy — the star of the show has hurt her leg! |
| Piggy
|
[ gasps ] What a pity! [ She secretly giggles. ] |
| Kermit
|
Hmmm. I wonder how that happened. |
| Piggy
|
Moi simply can not imagine. |
| Kermit
|
Can you sing, Miss Piggy? Can you leave the flower shop? Can you go out there and be a star? |
| Piggy
|
Moi? A STAR? [ She pushes Kermit out of the way. ] You better believe it, buster! Hit it! [ She throws her coat off, revealing a pink and red evening gown. She begins a “42nd Street” medley: ]Come and meet these dancing feet!
On the avenue I’m taking you to, Forty-Second Street! [ Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Bean join her in a quick tap step… ] Hear the beat of dancing feet It’s the song I love the melody of, Naughty! Bawdy! Gaudy! Sporty! Forty-Second Street! |
| [ Piggy and Kermit tap away — and Fozzie, Gonzo and Bean do their own tap number. ] | |
| Fozzie
|
Here we go… Watch this! A bear, and a rabbit — and… a thing! Yes! What is the bear’s name? Oh! Take me home, Professor! |
| [ They segue into “Lullaby of Broadway”: ] | |
| F, G & B
|
C’mon along and listen toThe lullaby of Broadway
The hip-hooray and ballyhoo The lullaby of Broadway Good night, baby! Good night, let’s call it a day! Listen to that lullaby of old Broadway! |
| Fozzie
|
Take it, Kermit! |
| [ Kermit enters, and does a verse of “Happy Feet”: ] | |
| Kermit
|
Happy feet, I’ve got those happy feetGive them a lowdown beat,
And they begin dancing! I keep cheerful on an earful Of music sweet, Cause I’ve got hap-hap-happy feet! |
| [ Kermit does his own tap number, with Fozzie urging him on: ] | |
| Fozzie
|
Yes… Do it! The frog can dance! Look at those flippers! Aaahhh! Oh yes! Don’t hurt yourself… All right! |
| Kermit
|
I keep cheerful on an earfulOf music sweet,
Cause I’ve got hap-hap-happy — |
| F, G & B
|
Cause he’s got hap-hap-happy — |
| Kermit
|
Cause I’ve got hap-hap-happy feet!Aw, thank you! Thanks, everybody! And now — ladies and gentlemen, the star of our movie, the one and only Miss Piggy! |
| [ Piggy enters in a red dress and frilly flowered boa. ] | |
| Piggy
|
BIG FINISH![ She sings “Everything’s Comin’ Up Roses”: ]
Things look swell! Things look great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Starting here… starting now… Honey, everything’s comin’ up — |
| Gonzo
|
RAINBOWS! [ Gonzo uses a pump to inflate a huge prop rainbow balloon. ] |
| Piggy
|
[ impatiently: ]Everything’s comin’ up ROSES — |
| [ Gonzo sticks a bouquet of roses in Piggy’s face. ] | |
| Piggy
|
Ah-choo! |
| Crowd
|
Gezundheit! |
| All
|
Curtain up! Light the lights!We got nothing to hit but the heights!
We’ll be swell! We’ll be great! |
| Piggy
|
I can tell! Just you wait!That lucky star I talk about is due!
Honey, everything’s comin’ up roses and daffodils — [ Bean offers Piggy a bouquet of daffodils. She almost sneezes, and pushes them away. ] Everything’s comin’ up sunshine and Santa Claus — [ Fozzie throws glitter over Piggy. ] Everything’s gonna be bright lights and — |
| Kermit
|
Lollipops![ Kermit offers Piggy a lollipop. She throws it away. ] |
| Piggy
|
Gimme a break!Everything’s comin’ up roses —
What is THIS? |
| Gonzo
|
[ Gonzo hands Piggy a lit stick of dynamite. ]You said you wanted a big finish! |
| Piggy
|
[ Piggy realizes what she’s holding, and throws it through a door. Gonzo slams the door, and there’s a huge BANG! A cloud of smoke billows out… ]For… YOU!
[ Piggy is overcome by the smoke… ] Ah-CHOO! |
| Crowd
|
Gezundheit! |
| Piggy
|
Thank you! |
| Kermit
|
CUT! That’s a wrap! Great job, everybody! [ The band starts playing the Muppet Show theme song. ] Well, that just about brings us down to the end of another great shoot. Thank you for helping us to make our movie. You were just terrific! Give yourselves a big hand! Yaaaaaay! |
| [ The Muppets all wave goodbye as they exit. ] | |
| Animal
|
Bye bye! |
| Kermit
|
Hmm… I wonder if they give Oscars for this kind of movie. Thanks, everybody! |
| Bean
|
Kermit, aren’t you supposed to take the lens cap off the camera before we start shooting? Oh, well. |
| Fozzie
|
Say, Kermit, was I supposed to put this film in the camera? |
| Janice
|
Oh, we should do this more often, don’t you think? |
| Floyd
|
So long! |
| Dr. Teeth
|
See you later, man! |
| Animal
|
Bye bye! |
by Danny Horn
