Tough Pigs Journal
July 9, 2002
Tales of Ebay
Part Two: Toilet Green
I've said it before, kids: If you want to have an uber-cool, urban-sophisticate, bleeding-edge, post-millennium, end-of-history Muppet collection, you really don't have to look any further than 70's Sesame Street stuff. Okay, actually, I've never said that before, but it sounds true.
I'll give you an example. Take this 1971 Sesame Toys Magazine Ad recently
offered for sale on Ebay. Kind of weird looking, kind of ugly -- but also kind
of irresistible in a downtown, ugly-is-cool, ironic way, isn't it? It's
advertising all the cool Sesame toys made by Knickerbocker. On the scan posted
with the Ebay listing, the writing at the bottom is kind of hard to make out,
but the product names are in bold: Ernie Hand Puppet, Bert Hand Puppet, Cookie
Monster, Oscar, Big Bird, Spell-A-Phone, Walking Letters, and Sherlock Hemlock
Magic Puzzles -- "complete with the Magic Looking Glass to reveal hidden
letters and numbers." By the way, yes, I said Spell-A-Phone.
"Dial a word, and the word will talk to you. Dial characters from Sesame
Street, too." I think of all the things I love about this ad, the thing
that I love most is that it has no exclamation points. It's talking about the
most amazing things, like talking phones and magic looking glasses, but it talks
about them in this flat, unimpressed, seen-it tone. And how downtown is that?
Tragically listed too high at $9.50, this item closed with no bids. I
guess everyone was too cool to even bid for it.
Also from the Too Cool For The Room file is this 1976 Four Monsters Puzzle,
made by Playskool. It says "Four Monsters" at the bottom, but as all true hipsters know, Oscar isn't a monster... he's a grouch,
man. This was listed for the oddly specific price of $7.90, and it closed
with no bids -- because, like all great art, it goes unappreciated in its own
time. Check it out, it says "YUMMY!" at the top. That's too
much.
My fantasy about these Ebay articles, by the way, is that someone out there is taking notes, and now you're all hard at work assembling an enormous collection of weird, unfortunate Muppet stuff. If so, I hope you also picked up these items. One is a Ken doll with the shirt stolen from the Wendy's Kermit doll. It was listed as 6-½ inch male figure MUPPETS FROM SPACE, "a collector's item in excellent condition." Sold for $3.95. The other one was listed as Sesame Street Muppets Old Yellow Horse PVC Figure. What Sesame Street Old Yellow Horse, you may well ask. It's actually a piece from a big Sesame Street farm-house set, which I think was made by Fisher-Price. It does have kind of a Muppety look to it, and it's marked "1974, 1978 MUPPETS Hong Kong." Plus, it's apparently in excellent condition. A steal, really, at $3.00, which is what it sold for.
Now, it's time for the Price Is Right audience-participation quiz. The following six hand-painted oak toilet seats were offered for sale over the last few weeks. "New Solid Oak Toilet Seat," says the artist -- that's her Ebay ID, the_artist* -- "Perfect for your bathroom or as a gift! It is classy solid oak, with a cool, professionally hand-painted cover." The quiz question is: One of these six toilet seats sold for $30.00; the rest went unsold. Which of these toilet seats would you pay $30.00 for? (The answer's at the bottom of the page.)
Finally, it's back to the Deep Weirdness file for this last item, listed as Fraggle
Rock Lighter Raver. "This is a high quality lighter, with a BOLD,
BRIGHT IMAGE! The image is treated with a super strong, clear, poly-resin
coating. SUPER THICK! NOT A PAPER STICK-ON! The image is indestructible, and
will NEVER WEAR OR FADE!" Sounds good to me. It sold for $20.00.
The listing closes with the prophetic warning, "YOU WILL BE THE HIPPEST PERSON IN YOUR KLIQUE WITH THIS LIGHTER!" And truer words were never spoken.
Remember what I said about how all the cool urban sophisticates are collecting 70's Sesame stuff? Well, what I meant to say was that the really cool kids are collecting bootleg Fraggle Rock head-shop merchandise. Light up, my friends, and rave on.
(By the way, the answer to the Price is Right quiz, obviously, is that the Kermit toilet seat was the one that sold for $30.00. The others were all instantly re-listed, so if you've been looking for a professionally hand-painted Muppet toilet seat, operators are still standing by.)
Tales of Ebay, Part 1: A River Runs, Buy It
Don't Try So Hard: Sage Advice from a Barely Competent Webmaster
Cover to Cover: Muppets on TV Guide covers