Part Five : Tender, Meaty Richness
Esskay Meats ads
Late 1950’s and early 60’s
Ladies and gentlemen, frogs and pigs, Muppet Fans around the world, let’s take a moment to bow our heads and give some respect to Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage. Why? Well, for one thing, it’s delicious. But also because Esskay Meats was the sponsor of Sam and Friends, and it’s thanks to them that Jim Henson got the chance to break into TV puppetry.
Remember the “Ol’ Black Magic” number that they always show on the Henson documentaries, with Sam and Kermit dancing on a prop TV screen? Well, the documentaries always cut away when the song’s over… but when that segment originally aired, here’s what happened next:
|
Esskay Meats — Interruption
|
|
| [ Sam and Kermit finish their song, and the “TV screen” goes dark. Then Omar appears on the screen, dressed in a suit and tie.] | |
| Omar
|
Folks, tonight I’d like to talk about — |
| [ Omar is interrupted by Professor Madcliffe, a wild-eyed professor who runs into the room and talks back to Omar on the TV screen. ] | |
| Madcliffe
|
Hold it! Stop the presses! |
| Omar
|
Excuse me, Professor, but I’m in the middle of a commercial. |
| Madcliffe
|
Nope, I’ve decided we’re going to call off the commercial tonight. You’re all getting sloppy on your delivery. Come up here, everybody. |
| Omar
|
The Esskay people aren’t going to like this… |
| [ Harry and Yorick enter. ] | |
| Madcliffe
|
All right now, gentlemen. We’ve got a problem. We’re not getting the Esskay Quality story across to our audience. Here’s a company that’s been turning out the finest quality products for over a hundred years. And what are we doing about it? |
| Omar
|
Well, if you’d stop interrupting — |
| Madcliffe
|
NOTHING! Those listeners out there are doing the important thing when they shop. They’re buying for the most important people in the world — their family! And that means they shouldn’t be buying anything but Esskay quality products, right? |
| Omar
|
Right! |
| Madcliffe
|
All right then. Let’s do a good job, now. Try it, Omar. And give it some gumption! |
| Omar
|
I can’t. Our time is up! |
|
Esskay Meats — Megaphone
|
|
| [ Professor Madcliffe enters, shouting through a megaphone. ] | |
| Madcliffe
|
LADIES and GENTLEMEN! Introducing the new — |
| [ Harry enters. ] | |
| Harry
|
Hold it! Wait a minute. You can’t come shouting in here. We’re on the air. |
| Madcliffe
|
Blast off! I’ve got news that’s too hot to keep! LADIES… |
| Harry
|
Hold it. Look, Professor, I’m a patient man, but what could be important enough to shout about? All this confusion could cost us our jobs. |
| Madcliffe
|
[ softer ] Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll try to remain calm as I tell you about the new Esskay idea in flavor. It’s the new Esskay PORK and BACON SAUSAGE! It combines the wonderful taste of pure PORK SAUSAGE with the delicious flavor of hickory-smoked quality BACON! |
| Harry
|
Well, why didn’t you say so sooner? Pork and Bacon is the brand new flavor for tasty breakfast. And it cooks to a tender, meaty richness every time. |
| Madcliffe
|
The people over at Esskay make it fresh EVERY DAY! |
| Harry
|
Get some new Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage soon. |
| Madcliffe
|
TODAY! |
| Harry
|
Remember… with Esskay Quality meats, you can taste the difference Q-wal-ity makes. |
|
Esskay Meats — Kitchen
|
|
| [ Kermit is in the kitchen with Esskay spokesmodel Pat. Pat is frying up some breakfast. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Hey, Pat, what would most people like for breakfast? |
| Pat
|
Well, uh… |
| Kermit
|
I mean, what would really make ’em sit up and say Mmmmm! |
| Pat
|
Well, I think that… |
| Kermit
|
I tell ya, something new and delicious. Look. You take this Esskay hickory smoked bacon and Esskay pure pork sausage. And you combine ’em. Now wouldn’t that taste terrific? |
| Pat
|
It does. And we’re having some right now. It’s Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage! |
| Kermit
|
Them Esskay people don’t miss a trick. |
| Pat
|
No, sir. It’s tender pork sausage, blended with tiny morsels of bacon — a different delicious idea from Esskay, the people who make all of their meats up to a standard, not down to a price. And it goes great with eggs! Here, now, doesn’t that make you want to sit up and say — |
| Kermit
|
Mmmmmm! Folks, Esskay Pork and Bacon Sausage is another wonderful way to taste the difference Q-wal-ity makes. [ Kermit kisses the package. ] |
by Danny Horn
