Part Two: Trial and Error
March 11-15, 2002
Welcome back to My Week with The Muppet Show -- my foolhardy, desperate cry for attention where I watch every single episode of The Muppet Show in production order and write a commentary on every single one. This is the start of Week #2, so I'm still only a bit into Season 1. If this were Survivor, then this would be the part where I'm looking around and going, hey, where's the food? And what do you mean I have to build my own shelter?
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Building character
Monday, March 11
Okay, so maybe the Survivor analogy doesn't hold up. I mean, all I'm doing is watching The Muppet Show, right? It's not like I have to make fire. I love this show. All I have to do is sit right down and watch another episode.
Although I think it's possible that spending a half hour looking for food under rocks is actually more enjoyable than spending a half hour watching Jim Nabors. I'm not going to go into it in detail, because it just makes me depressed. Suffice it to say that the appeal of Jim Nabors eludes me. He pulls faces, he mugs at the camera, he insists on speaking in the Gomer Pyle voice. Another half-hour of him, and living on cornmeal for a month would look like a party.
But let's not talk about him, okay? Let's talk about Scooter.
This is the episode that introduces Scooter, and basically we've got everything in the first two minutes that Scooter is gonna do for the next five years. He walks up to Kermit and tells him, "I'm your new gofer. I'll go fer coffee, I'll go fer sandwiches, I'll go fer anything you need... I'll start tonight, okay?" Kermit walks away: "Listen, kid, I'm sorry, but you're too young, you don't have any experience, and I don't have any money for it in the budget." Scooter: "Yeah... My uncle owns this theater." Kermit: "Uh... you start today, get me a cup of coffee, your salary is twenty a week." Scooter says his uncle will be really disappointed if he doesn't get twenty-five. Kermit: "How about thirty?"
Scooter looks surprised -- and that right there is the thing that makes Scooter work. There's a very delicate balance going on in this scene. Every time Scooter mentions his uncle, he looks away, as if he doesn't quite realize that he's pressuring Kermit. There's a kind of guileless innocence to Scooter. He's getting his job through nepotism -- and obviously he can get pretty much anything he wants -- but what he's asking for is the lowest entry-level job in the theater. He doesn't push his way on stage, and he seems genuinely interested in working for Kermit. He actually seems to enjoy being there, which is the thing that saves him from being an abrasive villain character.
Unfortunately, he only has one shtick, and this is it. Scooter meets George the janitor, who complains about the new guy who bought the theater: "The roof leaks, the seats are torn, the furnace is on the fritz... I tell you, he is the WORST!" He's my uncle. "He is the BEST!"
And that's about it. Scooter follows everyone around through the whole episode -- spilling coffee on Kermit, giving Fozzie bad jokes for his act. The episode is obviously meant to showcase Scooter, but it doesn't really establish much of a character. After a whole episode, we have an attitude, and we have a running gag -- but Scooter doesn't seem to want anything other than to follow people around and be enthusiastic.
It's like the writers know how to establish a character's voice -- Gonzo is depressed, Fozzie is clueless, Scooter is hyper -- but they don't quite know what to do after that. It's a good start, but there's still a ways to go in order to make them into real characters.
At the end of the show, Jim tells Kermit that Scooter was really helpful -- he picked up his coffee and his wardrobe. "I even picked up his accent!" Scooter chirps. "Well, Go-oh-oh-lly!" Kermit: "Make sure he doesn't try to pick up your paycheck." Scooter: "I'm shocked!" Fozzie pops up: "I'm Fozzie!" And Piggy: "I'm Piggy!" And Animal: "I'm Animal!" Kermit: "Well, I'm saying good night. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!"
Oooh. Ouch. Let's not do THAT again. Pass the cornmeal.
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Battle of the sexes
Tuesday, March 12
Okay, let's take the house lights down a little bit. We're going to slow down the music, and slip into something more comfortable -- because on today's episode, it's all about the love.
Here's Florence Henderson dressed in a flowing tie-dye dashiki, appearing and vanishing in a snowy forest, singing "Butterfly of Love" and getting all ethereal. Apparently in 1976 it was okay to just be Enya every once in a while. I like it. It looks relaxing.
Anyway, speaking of Love, here comes the pig. Kermit is screaming backstage, and Miss Piggy admires him: "You have such a masculine yell." She asks if there's anything she can do to make him happy, and ignores his sarcastic replies. Within moments, she's overcome with passion, and tackles him. She kisses him all over, then preens: "Forgive me for being so forward, but I'm a liberated pig. Ta." She flounces away, and Kermit does a take to the camera. "Must be my animal musk."
You know, Kermit's building a pretty strong sexual harassment suit in this episode. The case continues just a couple scenes later, when Piggy interrupts the talk spot between Kermit and Florence. Kermit is admiring Florence's eyes when Piggy appears: "Don't 'Hi Piggy' me, you frog-stealer!" Florence explains that Kermit was just practicing on her what he really wants to say to Piggy. The pig swallows this line and makes her move on Kermit again. Kermit falls out of the shot, and Piggy can't find him. Florence tries to give Piggy some romance advice, but all Piggy wants to hear is that Florence's relationship with Kermit is just platonic. "I'm off to find my love!" she declares. Kermit re-appears -- and when Florence touches him on the shoulder, Piggy bursts back in and attacks Florence.
Now, by now everybody should know about my personal affection for Miss Piggy. She's my favorite Muppet in the whole entire world. But even I think that Piggy is overbearing and horrible in this episode. This episode is supposed to be a showcase for Piggy -- but, like Scooter in the last episode, she only gets one shtick that she has to repeat over and over. She rushes up to Kermit, acts overdramatic and passionate, kisses him, and then runs away again.
Later on in the episode, Kermit is trying to get organized backstage when Piggy approaches again. "I tremble with desire and uncontrollable passion!" She goes on about how great it is, when he finally explodes: "I have a SHOW to do! Will you get OUT of here!" Piggy sniffs. "He loves me." Kermit shrugs: "I give up." "I knew you would," she says, and tackles him for another kiss.
I'm sorry, no. They can do this scene four times -- and, actually, they do -- but it doesn't get any better for me. My problem with Piggy is that she doesn't want anything yet, so there's not much of a character. She wants to be with Kermit, but she's not really demanding very much in the way of affection from him. Even yelling at her to go away is interpreted as a sign of love, so the standards are pretty low affection-wise. She can tackle him and kiss him any time she wants, so what else does she want from him?
She's missing something, and it took me the whole episode to figure it out. The thing that she's missing is that she doesn't want to be a star yet. She's not asking Kermit if she can go onstage. She did the Temptation number in the first episode, and she's had some supporting roles on Vet's Hospital and the talk panel, but so far, she hasn't shown any real desire to be onstage. All she does is roam around backstage, tackle Kermit and then wander away. She needs love, and right now she thinks that the only way she's going to get it is by frog-handling Kermit. But once she starts seeking that love from an audience -- from the world -- then it's a lot harder to achieve. That's when she starts getting interesting.
By next season, Miss Piggy will become a complicated, vulnerable, fierce diva who plants herself center stage and refuses to leave the spotlight. That's the Piggy I love. But here, in this episode, she's... well, she's just annoying, really. It's like Piggy's awkward adolescent stage, and it's kind of painful to watch.
Piggy, my love. You're so close to becoming a superstar. All you have to do is grow up a little.
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Having fun
Wednesday, March 13
Phew. The last couple days have been pretty rough around the Tough Pigs office. That Jim Nabors-Florence Henderson one-two punch kind of took it out of us. Just this morning, my secretary Jason noticed that I was feeling a little down. He asked me if I wanted him to go for coffee, and I just snapped: "What, does your uncle own the theater now?" I felt bad about it, of course. But it just kind of hit a nerve.
Anyway, to make it up to him, we watched the Paul Williams episode today. The opening number is "All of Me," with a furry pink monster singing to another monster holding a box. "All of me," he sings, "Why not take all of me? Can't you see, I'm no good without you?" He reaches up to his mouth: "Take my lips, I want to lose them..." -- and then he rips his lips right off his face, and sticks them in the box. "Take my arms, I'll never use them..." His arms come off, and he keeps on singing. "Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry -- here, take them too!" As he goes on, he ends up giving away every part of his body. "Hey, you want my hair? Well, hair it is!" He just goes to pieces, still singing until every piece of him is in the box. It's a weird, original take on the song -- unsettling, yes, but high-spirited and really funny. I can see Jason starting to perk up a bit.
The next number is really fun, too. Paul is sitting alone in a room by a rainy window, singing "Just An Old-Fashioned Love Song" -- a melancholy tune about hearing a song on the radio and remembering an old love affair. Then, as the chorus starts, the prop radio opens -- and a Muppet version of Paul pops out, doing a jumpy harmony with Paul. As the chorus ends, the Muppet Paul darts back into the radio, which slams shut again. Paul sings another verse -- and for the next chorus, two Muppet Pauls jump out and harmonize. The Muppet Pauls are dancing around in sync with each other, really getting into it. Paul picks up a little ukelele, and soon a whole Muppet jug band is piling out of the radio, turning the sad tune into a cheerful anthem. The room is filled with Muppets, dancing and singing and playing the trumpet. At the end of the song, all the Muppets pop back into the radio, leaving Paul onstage.
Now we're having fun again. And mostly, it's because the people making the show are obviously enjoying themselves. In the last couple episodes, it felt like the producers had something to prove. They were trying to show that they could create funny characters and situations, and make the show work, and the episodes showed some strain. They repeated the same shtick again and again in the last couple episodes -- Scooter saying that his uncle owns the theater, Piggy jumping on Kermit. But now it feels like they're relaxing and enjoying themselves. This episode pops from one creative idea to the next, never resting for a minute.
What they're figuring out here is that The Muppet Show isn't just a regular comedy-variety show that happens to star a frog and a bear. They can do stuff with these puppets that a regular show wouldn't be able to do. So the monster can take himself apart in "All of Me," and Paul can harmonize with himself in "Love Song." Then Dr. Bunsen Honeydew appears, demonstrating Muppet Labs' All-Purpose Tenderizer -- which turns a dish into a soft piece of foam. In another scene, Paul gloats that for once he's the tallest person on the show -- but then some eight-foot Muppet monsters come by to make him feel small again.
In another sketch, Paul plays a travel agent. A monster enters, and says he wants to go to Pittsburgh -- but every suggestion Paul makes is met with: "Got anything cheaper?" Paul keeps trying to go cheaper -- from jet to prop plane to broken-down bus -- but the monster keeps insisting, "Got anything cheaper?" Finally, Paul pulls a lever on the wall, and a 5000 pound weight falls on the monster. Paul picks up the remains -- a squashed circle of blue felt with a face -- and mails it to Pittsburgh.
Squash them, stretch them, pull them apart: Muppets can do anything. And, best of all -- they're enjoying it.
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Roll in the universe
Thursday, March 14
Charles Aznavour. He's French, apparently. He dances with Mildred. He whispers sweet nothings to Miss Piggy. He sings "Inchworm." You know. The French guy.
But we're not going to talk about him today. Today, we're going to answer the question, "What is Man's Role in the Universe?" Kermit is moderating the discussion panel sketch, with the distinguished panel of Sam the Eagle, Gonzo the Great, Hilda the wardrobe lady, and Mildred Hocksteader, MA, PhD, OBE and RSVP.
Now, this may not seem like a blockbuster panel to you. But for one of these first-season discussion panels, this is like the Night of a Thousand Stars. They've done a bunch of these sketches so far, and all the others included Kermit, the guest star, maybe one main character like Piggy or Sam, and then a couple of no-name pigs or humans. This is the first time they've actually done a discussion panel with five main characters. (And yes, for the first season, Hilda and Mildred qualify as main characters.) So here's Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Dave Goelz, Richard Hunt and Eren Ozker going at it for a few minutes.
Gonzo isn't sure how to answer the question of Man's Role in the Universe. Hilda says that this discussion is above his head, and maybe he should keep it down. "Check!" says Gonzo, and puts his head down. Sam corrects him: "She didn't mean keep your head down! You take things too literally." (Cue the running gag.) Kermit says they don't have much time, so they'd better get hopping. Gonzo starts hopping. Sam turns to Kermit: "Who are these weird people?" Kermit says not to pay any attention.
Sam tries to move on. "All right. I suggest we look carefully at what's before us, and break it down into separate pieces." Check, says Gonzo, as he whips out a huge mallet and starts breaking the table with it. They stop him, and tell him that they're looking for the answer. He looks under the table.
Mildred takes charge. "Well, as to man's role in the universe... I don't think he can." Can what? "I don't think he can roll. In the universe. I mean, he's not round enough to roll." Sam puts his head in his hands: "This can't be happening."
Mildred goes on. "Of course, he could enroll. But you can't enroll in the universe!" No, says Hilda -- "but you can enroll in the university! A little Hilda Ha-Ha there!" Very little, Mildred mutters.
Gonzo still can't find the answers under the table. "Will you knock it off?" Sam snaps. "Knock it off?" says Gonzo, as he takes his mallet and knocks Sam's hand off the table. Everyone is squabbling and yelling at each other as Kermit announces, "Join us next week when our distinguished panel answers the question: What are we doing here?"
What are you doing here? You're running amuck, that's what you're doing. Who needs French people?
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
Halfway
Friday, March 15
So they're funny, these Muppets. I think we've established that. They're wild, they're creative, and they've got plenty of ideas for their new show. The problem that they're having is that they don't quite know what to do with the guest stars.
When it's just Muppets, everything's fine. Today's episode starts out with an explosive Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem number, so you know that's all right. Then Kermit does a little on-stage talk spot with Animal, introducing the Muppet drummer to everyone. "Why don't you tell our audience how long you've been playing the drums?" Kermit asks. Animal thinks, and beats his head on the drum. One... two... three... four... five. "Five years," says Kermit. This is good stuff. This is the kind of stuff you turned on The Muppet Show to see.
And then there's Harvey Korman's comedy spot. Kermit introduces "Maurice the Magnificent" and his trained animal act. Harvey plays Maurice, a nasty circus performer with a top hat and a thin little villain mustache. Maurice warns the audience not to scream when his animal comes out of the cage -- loud noises drive it berzerk. He wiggles his villain mustache and cracks his whip. "OUT!" he screams. "OUT, you demon! OUT!" The monster emerges from the cage -- and it's Thog, a huge, gentle powder-blue monster with droopy sad eyes.
Maurice screams and snarls, but Thog gets all the laughs. Maurice orders him to speak, and Thog shrugs: "I hardly know where to begin. I was re-reading Balzac the other day... only in translation..." Maurice shouts for silence, and cracks his whip. "You're very good with that whip, Morris," Thog says. Maurice orders the monster to dance, and Thog obeys with a few shuffled dance steps. "This is really an easy trick," he explains. "I wanted to ride a pony around the stage, but Morris is afraid of ponies." He ends up dancing with Maurice, then spins him into the cage and mugs for applause.
It's amazing. Harvey Korman is an old comedy pro, and he's in red-alert full-speed-ahead scenery-chewing DANCE-you-demon-DANCE mode. Then Thog just waltzes in and steals the scene out from under him, and he makes it look easy.
And maybe it is easy, cause then a couple of dogs do it. Harvey's backstage, and he's approached by Rowlf and Muppy. Rowlf tells him that they've been worried about ecology. Harvey says that he's in the middle of a show, he doesn't have time to think about ecology. "That's easy for you," Rowlf says, "but if all those trees go, we're in big trouble!"
It just don't add up. They've got Harvey Korman as a guest star, but they don't give him any of the punchlines. Harvey can't sing or dance, so it seems like they don't quite know what to do with him. The thing he does best is play silly characters and tell jokes, but they've already got silly characters who tell jokes. So why bother dragging poor Harvey onstage just to have him play the straight man?
In the second half, Harvey complains to Kermit that he's the "token person" on the show -- he feels strange being the only human around with all the dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens. The Muppets all rush onstage and put him in a big chicken suit, and then they pretty much just forget about him for the rest of the show.
Which is just as well, because then Fozzie does his comedy act, enlisting Kermit to help him with the punchline. The gag is that when Fozzie says the word "hear," Kermit's supposed to run out on stage and yell, "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!" But not the first time Fozzie says "hear." And not the second time, either. Kermit keeps running out and saying "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!" and they get mad at each other, and I can't really explain it, but it's an amazing double-team comedy performance. And then Harvey comes out in the chicken suit.
To close the show, Robin the Frog sits on a staircase and sings "Halfway Down the Stairs." It's a great number, really lovely and innocent, but it's not so much a closing number. The rest of the episode hasn't really built to anything, and there hasn't been much of a plot. The episode doesn't have an ending; it just goes for half an hour, and then it stops.
And that's about it. Kind of an anti-climax for the week, really. Would it help if I brought out Harvey in the chicken suit again?
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
My Week with The Muppet Show Contents