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December 18, 2017

It’s STILL A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie

Filed under: Feature,Reviews — Tags: , — Julia Gaskill @ 11:50 am

On December 11th, 2017, Julia Gaskill and her boyfriend, Stephen, watched It’s A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie together. A longtime fan, Julia had partaken in the, as she calls it, “worst Muppet special of all time” on numerous occasions, but being more of a causal fan, Stephen had never experienced it. What follows is a (condensed) transcript of their conversation during their viewing.

 

Julia: So Stephen and I are about to watch It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. Originally I was going to show him John Denver & the Muppets: A Christmas Together, cause it’s old and weird but still has a special place in my heart. But in this turn of events, [laughs] I’ve decided to show him Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie, which is, in my humble opinion, the worst Muppet production ever made. Maybe tied with Muppets Wizard of Oz. Maybe. Stephen, what expectations do you have for this movie?

Stephen: Well you could have not introduced it like that, cause now my expectations are lowered. But I feel like it’s going to be good?

J: I mean, just based off of this DVD start menu…

S: It’s great! Look, Pepe rolls right up.

J: It’s a lot of really bad stock images…

S: Dr. Bunsen’s upside down!

J: … moving around …

S: Can we play the movie?

J: Yeah, okay.

They start the film.

J: Things you should know: Joan Cusack’s in this movie. Whoopi Goldberg. David –

S: You don’t have to give it away! I can find them!

J: All right. All right.

The movie lists all the actors who are in the film.

J: Look at all those names. And it’s got your favorite, Matthew Lillard!

S: Carson Daly’s in this movie.

J: Yeah, it’s got a lot of cameos. That’s sort of the Muppets thing.

S: Also Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? He doesn’t seem like a good fit. Do the Muppets live in New York?

J: They live in different places depending on the special or the movie. The thing to know about the Muppets is there’s no official canon except for when they’re in the real world, so the movies are always just the Muppets acting something out.

S: Well yeah, cause they’re a theater troupe.

J: Yeah, so this one, yes, they live in New York.

Joe Snow appears to introduce the movie.

J: [immediately] It’s so bad. It’s SO BAD.

Cuts to the Muppets partying at their theater.

J: That’s Johnny Fiama.

S: Yeah, he’s from Muppets Tonight.

J: Yes! Good job!

S: Who’s this monkey?

J: That’s Sal Minella. He’s Johnny’s friend. I think? Or agent?

S: His name is Sal Minella? They named a Muppet Sal Minella??

J: It’s a joke. His name is Sal, his last name’s Minella.

S: I get the joke, but that’s a bad joke. That’s not like a Muppet joke. But I do appreciate that there’s a menorah on screen, but I don’t know which Muppet is Jewish.

J: Zoot. Zoot’s Jewish.

S: Why didn’t I know that? Is Zoot the only Jewish Muppet?

J: Zoot’s the only one who’s been confirmed. In Letters To Santa he says “Happy Hanukkah” and he’s also shown lighting a menorah.

S: What is Gonzo? Is he a Scientologist?

J: He probably has his own religion.

S: Scientology has a lot of space stuff.

Kermit has already entered the screen and is being a Christmas grump.

J: Are you paying attention to the plot, Stephen? Basically, Kermit’s really depressed and it’s Christmas. He just mentioned how they’re going to lose the theater.

Little frog: “Kermit! Help me! I’m stuck!”

Kermit: “I can’t help you. I’ll ruin your life.”

S: Oof. Why is Kermit going to ruin somebody’s life?

J: They’re going to flashback and answer that.

The movie cuts up to where Danny is watching in heaven.

J: [whispering] That’s David Arquette.

S: I know who that is. It’s the former WCW World Champion.

Danny: “I’m taking Kermit’s case to the boss.”

J: The boss is god.

S: Who’s that bearded guy [in the background]?

J: An extra?

S: Those guys [in the background] look they’ve been in other things.

J: I mean, they’re actors, so sure, but they’re also extras.

S: Who’s that? And that?

J: Dude. It’s William H. Macy, David Arquette, and then a bunch of extras, none of whom come back after this scene. William H. Macy doesn’t even come back after this.

S: Spoiler alert, Julia!

Whoopi: “You’ll have to transfer all my albums to MP3 files.”

Danny: “But you have every album ever recorded! Ever!”

S: This is definitely a 2002 joke.

J: Yeah, this movie’s very clearly from the early 00’s. The CGI also gives it away.

Flashback: Kermit talks to Carson Daly, then to the Muppets, and then Matthew Lillard pops up.

J: Annnd there’s Matthew Lillard. [sarcasm] This is Matthew Lillard’s greatest role.

S: He’s one of the greatest actors of this generation. That said, he does not speak French.

J: I am well aware he doesn’t actually have an accent.

Kermit watches the show Matthew Lillard’s directed.

S: This is cool.

J: It’s not supposed to be cool.

S: This is great. This is really making me wonder why no one ever made a Muppets Cirque Du Soleil.

J: I mean, there’s definitely an audience for it.

S: What if Gonzo’s family, as discovered in Muppets From Space, came back and put on a Cirque Du Soleil show.

Matthew Lillard storms off. Lew Zealand pops up from behind some chairs.

J: It’s your favorite.

S: He’s so talented. All he’s gotta do is throw a green perch and a red snapper! Then it’s Christmas!

Other Muppets have reappeared.

S: I don’t like that monkey.

J: I’ve got bad news. He comes back, multiple times.

S: Is Clifford in this movie?

J: Um, I don’t remember. Pepe’s right there though. This came out not during the time of Muppets Tonight, but after that era, so a lot of the characters from that show are in this.

Pepe makes a joke about going to a topless nightclub. Stephen does not verbally comment on this, but looks properly horrified.

Enter Joan Cusack, aka Ms. Bitterman.

J: Which is your favorite Cusack?

S: Matthew Broderick.

Ms. Bitterman is being evil and trying to steal the theater.

S: What were the working conditions like in this era of the Muppets?

J: I mean, the Muppets having their theater taken away isn’t exactly a new plot point.

S: Right, but it seems like everybody’s, like, not happy. And I’m talking about the outside appearances of the actors so far in this special. There’s just a lot of faces happening.

J: Oh. It could just be the acting choices being made?

S: Those are poor choices.

Joan Cusack leaves the screen.

J: So basically they need to get enough money so they can save their theater.

S: How is this PG? They referenced a topless nightclub.

J: Oh! You haven’t even seen what they do to Scooter later in this special!

Bunsen and Beaker make a Windows computer joke using an actual window.

S: I like this. This is a good ol’ Windows joke.

J: Also very dated.

S: Yeah! It’s great!

Scene where there’s a group shot of the Muppets sitting in the theater.

J: What’s with Sam’s hair??

S: His hair’s great. It’s very 2000’s. All he needs is frosted tips.

J: Why did they give Sam hair for just this one movie? It goes away, it never comes back.

S: He’s probably embarrassed about his baldness. [whispers] He’s a bald eagle.

J: Yes. Thank you. I am aware that he’s a bald eagle.

S: But not a bald one here!

Cut to Joan Cusack and Pepe, wherein Pepe says the line “I want you too.”

J: This is not my favorite facet of Pepe.

S: Do you think Pepe’s going to get accused of sexual harassment?

J: Don’t. Stop. I’m cutting that from this transcript.

S: [laughs] It’s real. Allegations against Pepe the King Prawn.

J: I find that Pepe’s really only effective when he’s used minimally.

S: Pepe was good in the recent Muppets show.

J: Yeah, when they team him up with Rizzo or Gonzo, I like that more.

S: Pepe’s really good in the Weezer music video.

Cusack points Pepe’s face at her chest while saying “Christmas bonus.”

S: THIS IS PG??

J: [laughing] The Christmas bonus is her boobs!

Pepe asks Joan Cusack if her mini Club Dot comes with action figures.

S: Oof, that could have been a really cool playset.

J: The Club Dot playset? You get a little evil Joan Cusack and Pepe, and a bunch of sad looking Muppets.

S: Yeah, they really missed out on their merchandising opportunities.

More scenes of the Muppets trying to figure out how to save their theater.

J: Why is Fozzie wearing a watch???

Kermit heads to Scrubs to get Piggy.

J: That’s how old this special is. Scrubs was still on the air.

S: Scrubs was on the air for ten seasons!

J: Man, I miss Scrubs.

S: This is fascinating to me that the Muppets exist in the Scrubs universe.

J: I’m pretty sure characters from Sesame Street appeared in a Scrubs episode. Scrubs is the loophole where Sesame Street and Muppets can coexist again together in harmony.

Back to Pepe, who is playing out a weird, sexy office scenario about him and Ms. Bitterman. Stephen looks horrified.

J: [to Stephen] Your face says a lot.

Cusack comes in and explains her contract trick to her flunky.

S: Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.

Cusack: “Come on Einstein, let’s go decorate my tree.”

J: Is that an innuendo??

S: Probably.

Cusack: “You know, not everything is an innuendo.”

J: Oh, there you go, but I legit forgot how sexual this movie is.

The Muppets are getting ready to start their Christmas show.

J: This special was made in a weird transition where Jerry Nelson was close to retirement, and Frank Oz had just stepped away and that’s why some of his characters aren’t played by Eric Jacobson yet. And they were just starting to bring Rowlf and Scooter back to the forefront. That’s why a lot of the voices and casting are off, in case you were wondering.

S: I can’t really tell. If the Muppets look like the Muppets they’re supposed to be, that works for me.

J: That’s a good mindset for enjoying anything Muppet related.

Kermit: “We’d like to ask you to please turn off all cellphones and pagers.”

S: Pagers? Lots of drug deals happening in this theater.

J: So this is also going to date it, cause they’re going to riff on Moulin Rouge.

S: I’ve never seen Moulin Rouge.

J: I liked it a lot when I was fourteen.

S: Some things are only dated if you know the reference.

Kermit: “But first, I think I’ll try this funny green root beer!”

J: [laughing] The green root beer is absinthe. Kermit is stone cold drunk in this sequence. And now Fozzie is Jim Broadbent!

S: This is impressive camera work.

J: And now the chickens are going to sing ‘Lady Marmalade.’ Which would be inappropriate but, to be fair, they did sing ‘Forget You’ in The Muppets.

S: ‘Cluck You,’ Julia. It was ‘Cluck You.’

J: No, it was ‘Forget You,’ because they didn’t want people to associate it with profanity.

Miss Piggy comes out singing Santa Baby.

S: This song seems inappropriate.

J: This movie’s already highly sexual, so…

S: Which seems weird. Again, PG. And also, this song is nothing but innuendo.

J: I mean, to be fair, the Muppets have used innuendos in previous and recent productions. There were mature jokes on The Muppet Show, and there was quite a lot of it in the recent Muppets, since it was set in the real world and had a more adult feel to it.

S: A little bit, but like … [gets distracted by staging in movie] This is pretty intense.

J: I don’t know, this whole staged sequence is weird and dated, style-wise.

S: All I know is Rowlf plays one mean piano!

Miss Piggy [to Kermit]: “Voulez vous coucher avec moi?”

S: Whoa! What!

The Moulin Scrooge segment is finally over.

J: This movie is so much longer than I remember it being. I thought it was only an hour.

S: It’s an hour and thirty-eight minutes, right?

J: Noooo!

S: Hour and twenty-eight?

J: We haven’t even gotten to the main action of the film. I guess it’s like It’s A Wonderful Life where there’s a bunch of setup.

Fozzie gets sent to the bank with all the theater-saving money.

J: If you were gonna choose a Muppet to give an immense amount of money to –

S: Scooter.

J: Yeah, there you go.

S: Scooter!

J: Or maybe Rowlf?

S: No. Scooter.

J: Okay. Yeah. That’s fair.

An Australian film crew accosts Fozzie on the streets of NYC.

J: I… don’t… Blerg…

S: Who is that?

J: I don’t think it’s anybody famous.

S: It’s not Steve Irwin.

J: I think he’s supposed to be Steve Irwin. But this whole sequence is unnecessary.

S: I mean, this is a common occurrence in New York as understood by the movie Crocodile Dundee. Australians in New York just kind of go crazy.

J: Also why is it in fast motion?

S: Because crimes?

J: I feel that’s more telling of the era this is made in, maybe. There’s a lot of unnecessary CGI and special effects.

Joe Snowman from the beginning gets shot with a blow dart and gets knocked out.

S: Respect. This is the best part of the movie, right there. That was genuinely incredible.

J: I just feel like they could have come up with a better way for Fozzie to – spoiler alert! – lose all of the money.

S: Oh, he’s becoming the Grinch? That’s pretty cool.

J: No. It’s not.

On cue, the Who’s appear.

S: Yes!

J: Do they live in the same verse as the Who’s?

S: I love it!

J: This is also ….

S: … very much the Jim Carrey Grinch.

J: They live in the same universe where Scrubs exists and also Who’s are a living being?

S: We all live in the same universe as the Who’s.

J: Aren’t they really small though? They live on a snowflake. They wouldn’t … do the Muppets live on a snowflake, Stephen? I think that’s the real conspiracy theory of this movie: that the Muppets exist on a snowflake, so they’re the same size as the Who’s.

Fozzie rides an elevator to Cusack’s office. She pushes a button under her desk.

J: She has a Matt Lauer button. Yikes.

S: So wait, I don’t get to make my Pepe allegation jokes, but you’re allowed to make a Matt Lauer joke? My Pepe jokes are way more accurate to this movie.

Fozzie comes face-to-face with a hall full of lasers.

S: Nice. Mission Impossible.

Fozzie looks at his watch.

S: That’s why he’s wearing a watch!

J: That is why he’s wearing a watch!!

S: It all comes together!!

J: Just so he could look at it in this one instance.

S: In the Mission Impossible reference!

J: I will give them props for setting that up several scenes before this.

S: Mission. Impossible. You got this, Foz. Oof, that is an anti-Muppet device, fo’ sho’.

Fozzie runs through the lasers.

S: [disappointed] Oh Fozzie.

J: He’s taking one for the team.

S: He could have done so much better than that. And he left the bag. But it’s not even the right bag, Fozzie!

J: I mean, he’s the Uncle Billy of this movie.

S: That seems like a Gonzo moment that Fozzie is living.

J: No, here’s the difference: Gonzo would enjoy running through those lasers.

Cusack: “You smell like a burnt couch.”

S: Why would he smell like a burnt couch?

J: What else would he smell like?

S: Roasted bear!

Back to the Muppets Theater.

S: You’d think that Fozzie would be wishing that he had never been born? That he wanted his life to be over? Given that it’s Fozzie’s mistake?

J: But Uncle Billy didn’t wish he had never been born, it was George Bailey. Kermit’s the protagonist, so…

S: It’s A Wonderful Life is the worst Christmas movie.

J: It is not. You’re being a Moulin Scrooge right now.

Kermit and Fozzie can’t find the money. Kermit goes back to Joan Cusack.

Cusack: “Dreams ruin lives, and they ruin the lives of your friends too.”

S: That’s kind of true. It’s rough when a very solid and profound anti-capitalist message is embedded in the character that’s supposed to be the villain. But they’re saying a real thing … man, dreams ruin lives, if people were more pragmatic about the realities of their lives … oof!

J: Thanks, Stephen, for telling me the true meaning of Christmas.

S: I’m just saying we wouldn’t have [a certain someone in the White House] right now.

Kermit goes back to the theater to give the bad news.

J: So now we’re back to the start of the movie, in case you couldn’t tell.

S: I feel like those glasses were probably not good for David Arquette’s vision.

Danny: “I look like an ice cream man from Hello Dolly.”

J: He looks more like Robert Preston from Music Man.

S: It’s time to go sell somebody a monorail!

Danny is sent down to earth and finds a frozen Kermit.

J: He’s frozen solid, by the way, that’s what’s happening.

S: Yeah, but frogs can be frozen and then come back from that. That’s like a natural frog trait.

J: That’s a fun fact.

Kermit: “You don’t run one of those Muppets internet fan sites, do you?”

J: Yikes! Thanks, Kermit!

S: Shots fired! How does that make you feel, Julia?

J: I feel so seen.

Danny makes it so Kermit’s never been born. Whoopi watches on her god TV.

J: If she’s just going to watch, why didn’t she go down and solve this quickly?

S: The Christian god, of which I’m assuming Whoopi Goldberg is representing in this movie, is cruel and capricious and is a terrible god.

J: Fair. I don’t think that that much thought went into this movie though.

S: Perhaps whoever’s directing this Muppet special wanted to point out how cruel the Christian god is.

J: I think it’s more that it’s doing the Wonderful Life thing.

Gonzo’s homeless, Rizzo’s on Fear Factor, Electric Mayhem are river dancers, and there’s a Doc Hopper’s.

J: That’s a pretty good callback. I don’t know if it’s warranted for this movie, but… do you get it?

S: No?

J: It’s from The Muppet Movie. Doc Hopper’s whole goal is to turn Kermit into frogs legs because Kermit won’t be his spokesperson for his restaurant.

S: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen The Muppet Movie.

J: We should watch it. That’s a good one.

S: This is pretty great.

J: Sure. [gasp] This is the best part of the movie.

Kermit and Danny go into Club Dot.

S: Sam’s definitely raving right there.

J: THERE’S SCOOOTER. HE’S CAGE DANCING.

S: That’s unsettling. That’s deeply unsettling.

J: It’s the most unsettling shot of any Muppet production.

A buff Beaker appears.

J: Oh yeah.

S: That’s amazing. Beaker is swole. His tattoo is pretty fierce too.

Fozzie appears and acts weird.

S: So he’s on drugs now.

Danny reveals Fozzie is a pickpocket

J: For drug money, probably.

Danny preaches that Kermit really makes a big difference in people’s lives.

S: Keeping Fozzie on the straight and narrow.

J: [laughing] Keeping Scooter out of that cage.

S: Scooter just wants to dance, Julia.

J: I don’t think any of us need to see Scooter dance.

Kermit finds Piggy alone in her apartment with a ton of cats.

J: This is when you can see the Twin Towers in the background, I believe.

S: Yeah! They talked about it in that Cracked video!

Kermit: “Just someone that you used to know.”

S: That’s where that song comes from.

J: Yeah, this is what that song was written about. An alternate universe where Kermit was never born.

S: So not only did 9/11 never happen, they also helped write the Gotye song.

Twin Towers can be seen out the window. Stephen gestures to this.

J: Yes. I see them. I would like to point out that they are probably filming on a sound stage and that’s a stock image, and it just happens to have the Twin Towers in it.

S: I would like to point out that, according to this, if Kermit had never been born, 9/11 would never have happened.

Kermit is kicked out of Piggy’s apartment. Goes back to mall and finds Gonzo.

J: I will say that this is my actual favorite part of the movie, cause it’s not a bad song. It’s not great, but it’s not bad.

S: I never realized Gonzo was left handed.

J: Every Muppet is left handed.

Julia and Stephen proceed to spend the rest of the song discussing why Muppets are all left handed up until the very end.

S: I don’t like the idea that “everyone matters for worse or for better.” I dispute that. People who are in this world to do worse do not matter. I mean, they matter, but I don’t want them to.

Kermit is sent back to his proper time. He runs off without taking Danny’s survey.

S: Classic.

J: They never address why David Arquette cares so much about Kermit’s life. I thought there was some backstory of why the Muppets matter so much to him… and there wasn’t? He just really likes Kermit?

Kermit grabs Piggy and kisses her.

S: WHOA-OKAY. CONSENT, KERMIT.

Cusack makes a fat joke at Piggy.

J: Oof! Joan Cusack! That’s not supporting women!

A kung fu sequence takes place.

J: There’s just a lot of weird segments and sequences. This one especially feels out of place because the movie is obviously ending soon?

S: I’m trying to think of what this is referencing.

J: It’s just referencing … old, dubbed Chinese films? I don’t think it’s referencing anything particular from the 00’s.

S: Yeah. Also, Matthew Broderick is definitely my favorite Cusack, based on this performance alone, sealing the deal.

J: Joan Cusack has done many other great roles. This is sadly not one of them.

Pepe: “Si, si, si. When you can help friends and get revenge on enemies, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?”

S: That’s a good moral.

Joan Cusack: “No! No! I hate you, Muppets! No!”

J: [sarcastically] You’re not impressed by Joan Cusack’s acting?

S: I’m just wondering if that’s Joan Cusack saying that or if that’s her character, because I feel like that’s a moment where she’s like, “This is Joan Cusack saying I hate the Muppets!!!”

The Muppets head outside of their theater to sing together.

J: Was anything resolved? I know that the theater can’t be torn down, but – ?

S: It’s a historical landmark now.

J: But can’t she just evict them?

S: No, it always has to be the Muppet Theater.

The Muppets do a reprise of ‘Everyone Matters.’

J: WHY DOES SAM NOT HAVE HAIR NOW? WHERE DID HIS HAIR GO? WHY DID HE EVEN HAVE HAIR IN THAT ONE SCENE?

S: There are mysteries.

J: Also that snowman came back.

S: Good.

The movie comes to an end – at long last.

J: So that’s It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. Do you have any final thoughts on what you just watched? Did you like it? Did I overhype? Underhype?

S: I’m deeply disturbed by a lot of things, but… there’s a lot of vibes that I can’t vibe with. We’re living in times, and Whoopi Goldberg is one of those victims of those times, probably because of The View. Also the Salvation Army at the end – oof.

J: Do you want to give me some thoughts on the Muppet-related content of the movie, without talking about the Salvation Army or Whoopi Goldberg’s problematic nature?

S: [laughing] Nah?

J: How do you feel about it as a Muppet movie?

S: It hit a lot of marks that I expect from the Muppets. I’m sure if I’d watched it at the time there would be a lot more jokes that would make sense. It seems of a piece of a number of Muppet things that were happening post the great era of Muppet adaptation movies, which I wish had kept going on – and I think could be brought back. I don’t see why the Muppets adapting famous things has to stop. The Muppet Christmas Carol, Muppet Treasure Island, Muppet Chinatown, and Muppets Wizard of Oz are some of the greatest Muppet adaptations / movies to ever exist. [laughing]

J: You just listed two real movies, one awful special, and a movie that definitely does not exist.

S: Look, Julia, Muppet Christmas Carol definitely exists.

J: [laughs loudly]

S: And I would much rather watch it in the future than It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas. That said, I do believe that the theory on Cracked about how the Muppets perhaps – I’m not saying they caused it, but I’m certainly saying they didn’t not have anything to do with it, as evidenced by this movie – caused 9/11, is pretty spot on.

J: I know you do.

S: I’m waiting for the It’s A Very Joyous Muppet Hanukah Movie, or the It’s a Very Happening Muppet Kwanza Film. Where’s the It’s A Very Giving Muppet Boxing Day? Why aren’t there any Canadian Muppets?

J: What?

S: There’s a Spanish Muppet. Where’s the Canadian Muppet that speaks in French? His name would be like Mon Treal. [laughs]

J: Okay, we are stupidly off subject here. Do you have any final wrap-up thoughts? What were your thoughts on seeing Scooter be a cage dancer? Did it leave you unsettled?

S: [still laughing] What are your thoughts on Scooter cage dancing?

J: It’s an unsettling thing.

S: I was just impressed at Scooter’s legs. Muppets got legs for days. Let’s talk about that. Something that’s rarely seen but happened a number of times in this movie. Muppet legs. Muppet legs will never not confuse me.

J: There were only two shots of Muppet legs?

S: There was a Can-Can, then there was a Can-Can reprise. There was also the River Dance sequence, and there was Scooter all up in a gyrating cage.

J: I was thinking more of the full-bodied shots, not the legs being filmed separately or coming up into the screen. And there was way too much gyrating. Also, what are the sequence of events where Sam the Eagle is just raving instead of talking about America?

S: My real question, ultimately, is what did Beaker do? What was – like – what – how much time was he spending in the gym?

J: I guess Bunsen and him, without the help of Kermit and the aid of the money from the Muppets, they couldn’t afford to be scientists?

S: Is his regular sort of science job so traumatizing that he just eats himself into a coma every night?

J: Well no, cause he’s not overweight, but he’s not swole either.

S: He’s constantly tortured. He’s like a belittled and destroyed man, but when Kermit’s not born it really works out for Beaker.

J: I just think they didn’t have the money to afford to be scientists, so they had to get jobs as a bouncer and a doorman, so they don’t spend as much time together and don’t spend time doing science, so they have more time for things like the gym and growing out weird goatees. So, because he’s not doing science and he’s not spending his whole life being traumatized, Beaker spends a lot of time at the gym getting swole for his job. He’s probably actually happier. He might be the sole Muppet who’s happier in Kermit’s weird alternate reality cause, presumably, he’s not being tortured on an hourly bases.

S: You don’t think that Scooter’s happy with his life as an empowered cage dancer?

J: I mean, maybe. Maybe he found his bliss. He looked pretty content.

Stephen gives Julia a “wrap it up” gesture.

J: Last note, would you watch It’s A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie with me again?

S: Sure.

J: Where does it rank? Is it the worst Muppet Christmas special you’ve seen?

S: Maybe? I don’t know. It’s not great, but I’m sure there’s worse Muppet ones out there.

J: With that, we’re done. Let’s watch some Chopped.

Click here to get swole with Beaker on the Tough Pigs forum!

by Julia Gaskill and Stephen Meads



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