Editor's Choice Award
Huge Piggy doll
(Igel Toys, 2000)
This toy was my personal choice for Ugliest Toy.
It only got two votes in its category, and didn't get any votes for Ugliest Toy, so that shows you how my finger is on the pulse of popular taste. But I have to take a moment to celebrate how amazingly horrible this toy is.
The thing that I find horrifying about this Piggy doll is the sheer bulk of it. At a certain size, a doll stops being a toy, and it becomes a piece of furniture -- in this case, a piece of furniture with tiny eyes, too much rouge and lumpy arms.
I mean, imagine you're a German child. (If you are a German child, you can skip this step.) Your grandmother knows that you're a fan of Das Muppets, so she buys you this Piggy doll as a special treat for your birthday. This set the old lady back 235 deutschmarks, so you can't just throw it away.
But it's too big to stuff it under the bed when she's not around. You can't hide it in a drawer, or stick it in a box in the closet. You're just going to have to live with it, squatting malevolently in a corner of your bedroom, staring at you, giving you bad dreams, gradually sucking all the joy out of your life. You're stuck with it.
Giant, hideous Miss Piggy doll -- too ugly to own, not ugly enough to win an Ugly Toy Contest. You are a true loser in every sense of the word. I salute you.
for Ugliest Muppet Toy We Could Find
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