Chapter 11
Buzzkill
in which Scred discovers the unbearable lightness of bee-ing
(January 24, 1976 — hosts Peter Cook & Dudley Moore)
| [ Gilda Radner is in front of a black screen, ready to introduce the musical guest. ] | |
| Gilda
|
And now… |
| [ Scred enters, wearing a killer-bee costume. ] | |
| Scred
|
Okay, here I am! I’m ready! |
| Gilda
|
Scred… what are you doing here? |
| Scred
|
Hey, where is everybody? Where’s all the bees? |
| Gilda
|
Scred, there aren’t going to be any bees on this show. |
| Scred
|
Are you sure? |
| Gilda
|
Yeah! |
| Scred
|
Oh… well, they told me that they were doing a sketch on The Andy Griffith Show, and that I could play Aunt Bea. |
| Gilda
|
Scred… they decided not to do it. Didn’t anybody tell you? |
| Scred
|
Aww, that’s just great! That’s really great! Boy, how come nobody tells us Muppets anything? No, don’t laugh. We’re tired of being second class citizens around here. |
| Gilda
|
Oh, Scred… |
| Scred
|
Don’t gimme that aw Scred stuff! I mean, how come we’re not in any of the major sketches? Really! I could do News Update. I’m capable. |
| Gilda
|
Okay. |
| Scred
|
Good evening. I’m Scred. And you’re not. |
| [ The audience applauds. ] | |
| Scred
|
I mean, y’know, toy boat, toy boat, big deal. But nooo… you know, I have to go to a lot of trouble just to get extra tickets! |
| Gilda
|
Really! |
| Scred
|
Yeah! And let me tell you… |
| Gilda
|
What? |
| Scred
|
My parents are sick about it. |
| Gilda
|
Really? You know something, Scred, is there anything else you want to say? |
| Scred
|
Uh. Just one more thing… Can I play with your moogies? |
| Gilda
|
[ She giggles and tickles him. ] No, you can’t play with my moogies! You know something, now that you’re here, there is something you can do. |
| Scred
|
Oh, yeah? |
| Gilda
|
Yeah. |
| Scred
|
What? |
| Gilda
|
Why don’t you introduce Neil Sedaka. |
| Scred
|
Hey, I’d love to. |
| Gilda
|
Okay. |
| Scred
|
Ladies and gentlemen… Neil Sedaka. |
| [ Gilda kisses Scred and nuzzles with him. ] |
illustration by Chris Smigliano
Gorch Fact
This is another Gorch sketch that manages to evade the re-run editors, who typically cut out the Gorch sketch when they edit the show down to an hour.
It’s a neat little artifact — the first time the Gorch characters actually expressed the real resentment that was building between the SNL folks and the Henson folks. Gilda obviously adores Scred and the Muppets, and she takes every opportunity to touch him and kiss him. But the Muppets weren’t working on the show, and everybody knew it.
There’s a two-month break between this appearance and the next Gorch sketch — this was late January, and the next time the Muppets appear on SNL, it’s mid-March. And all sorts of things have happened while they were away…
by Danny Horn
