Hipsters and Squares, Part Nine

Published: July 9, 2004
Categories: Uncategorized

Hipsters and Squares
Part 9: Crazy Rhythm

So, hey, speaking of that Hipsters vs Squares dynamic, I haven’t mentioned the most important Hipster/Square team: Ernie and Bert.It’s hard to see Ernie as much of a hipster, really, but check out this sketch and see if you don’t start thinking of Bert as the perfect square.

Cast: Jim Henson (Ernie), Frank Oz (Bert).Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.33 PM

(Bert chuckles as he looks at his new bass drum.)
Ernie


Bert! What is this, Bert?
Bert


Oh, oh, Ernie, hi! Hey, this is my new drum set.
Ernie


Drum set?
Bert


Yeah!
Ernie


Why, Bert, do you play the drums?
Bert


Do I play the drums? Is Big Bird yellow? Of course I play the drums — and when I play the drums, Ernie, I am the most far out hepcat and swingy person of them all!
Ernie


Oh, Bert! Hey, Bert — I’d like to hear that, Bert!
Bert


You would?
Ernie


Mm hmm!Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.38 PM
Bert


Okay, okay. Stand back, and I will show you a far out super hep swinging swaying drum solo.
Ernie


Oh, yeah, Bert!
Bert


A one and a two and a —
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Bert


Oh, groove with me, baby!
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.44 PM
Ernie


Uh…
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Bert


You gotta have soul!
BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie


Uh, Bert… Bert…
BOOM. BOOM.
Bert


Don’t stop me now!
BOOM. BOOM.Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.47 PM
Ernie


Uh, Bert, is that all you’re gonna do, Bert?
(Bert stops cold.)
Bert


Is that all I’m going to do? Who could ask for anything more?
BOOM. BOOM.Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.51 PM
Ernie


Well, Bert, wait a second. How about you play a different kind of rhythm, Bert?
Bert


What do you mean?
Ernie


Well, listen, suppose you could play like this, Bert. Now, listen to this.
(Ernie plays “shave and a haircut” on his drum kit.)
Ernie


You see? Or you could play a slightly different kind of a rhythm. You could play a rhythm like this.
(Ernie plays another rhythm, ending with a cymbal shot.)
Ernie


How about that, Bert? Why don’t you play like that, Bert?Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 4.59.56 PM
Bert


Ernie… let’s face it. You do your kind of drumming, and I’ll do my kind of drumming. We’ll just never get together on it, you know?
BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie


Oh, I don’t know, Bert. You know, maybe we could get together on it, Bert. See, suppose you do your kind of drumming, and I’ll do my kind of drumming at the same time — why, they might sound good together, Bert!
Bert


That’s so crazy it just might work!Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 5.00.00 PM
Ernie


You start, Bert. Go ahead.
Bert


Oh, okay. Here we go. A one and a two and a chicka booma chick!
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie


Okay, Bert — I’m coming in now!
(Ernie starts drumming, and it’s so crazy that it works. Bert is keeping time as Ernie drums away.)
Ernie


Doesn’t that sound nice, Bert?
Bert


Swinging!
(They keep drumming.)Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 5.00.04 PM
Ernie


How about a little faster, Bert?
Bert


Uh — I’ll try!
(They keep drumming.)
Ernie


Here we go, Bert!
Bert


Oh, I’ve never done this before!
Ernie


Oh, wow, Bert! Here we go, big finish, Bert! Three! Two! One! WHOO!
(Ernie smacks the cymbal, and the picture falls off the wall.)
Bert


Gracious! That was really cold. I mean, cool!Screen shot 2011-08-08 at 5.00.10 PM

by Danny Horn

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