The Jim Henson Hour
Monster Telethon, Part 4:
Mrs Goldfarb
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Fozzie Bear), Kevin Clash (Husband), Fran Brill (Wife), Steve Whitmire (Purple Monster), Gordon Robertson (Pink Monster, Lindy), Dan Redican (Beautiful Day Monster), Baby (Rob Mills).
| Kermit
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Hey, that looks like New York City. Fozzie? How’s New York?
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| Fozzie
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[ on a monitor: ] Oh, Kermit! Hi! Oh, it’s great! Oh, yeah, I’ve come to the Big Apple, to showcase my comic a-peel! Get it? Apple? A peel? Ahhhh!
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| Kermit
|
Same old Fozzie, same old jokes.
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| Fozzie
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No, no, no, Kermit, you’re wrong. I have chosen a new career, with real artistic integrity.
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| Kermit
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Oh? And what career might that be?
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| Fozzie
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I am going to be — a TV weatherman!
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| Kermit
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A TV weatherman? Fozzie, are you sure?
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| Fozzie
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Of course, Kermit! It is time to move on. It’s time to leave behind the funny nose and glasses. [ He tosses them. ] Time to say goodbye to the childish whoopee cushion. [ Splat. ] And, of course, the tired old banana peel. [ He drops it. ] Kermit, I am now on my way to NBC headquarters to meet — Willard Scott. Yes! Wish me luck!
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| [ Fozzie turns to go — and slips on the banana peel he dropped. He falls to the ground with a crash. ]
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| Fozzie
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Ya-aa-aa! [ He gets up. ] It was… the banana peel… Forget it.
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| [ Fozzie exits. ]
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| Kermit
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Well, I guess if he can slip up there, he can slip up anywhere. Digit — cue the soap opera!
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| [ Soap-opera organ music. ]
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| Husband
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Darling?
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| Wife
|
Yes, sweetiebuns?
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| Husband
|
I just spoke with Mrs Goldfarb.
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| Wife
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Oh… about my operation?
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| Husband
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Yes…
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|
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[ The doorbell rings — and suddenly, the door blows off its hinges, and monsters bust in. ]
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| Purple M
|
Hello!
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| Pink M
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Hi!
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| Purple M
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May we come in?
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| Husband
|
Oh! It’s monsters!
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| Purple M
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Actually, we don’t like being called monsters. We prefer the term “cosmetically challenged.” Ha ha ha.
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| Pink M
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Have you GIVEN yet?
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| Husband
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What?
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| Pink M
|
TWENTY BUCKS!
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| B-Day M
|
Thirty bucks and we’ll give you your kid back.
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| [ The Husband and Wife burst into tears. The monsters laugh. ]
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| Husband
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Wait! We don’t have any kids.
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| Monsters
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Huh?
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| [ The Beautiful-Day Monster has a baby in his arms. The baby instantly starts bawling and screaming. ]
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| Purple M
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FIFTY bucks — or we leave him HERE!
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