Santa Maybe, Part Two

Bert

He was supposed to come, right, Ernie? I don’t understand.

Ernie

Who was, Bert?

Bert

Sinterklaas. You told me. Sinterklaas will visit us too. You told me yourself.

Ernie

Oh, yeah. But, Bert?

Bert

Yes? Yes?

Ernie

That was just a joke, Bert. Keeheehee.

Bert

A joke? A joke?! You call that a JOKE?

Ernie

Yeah. Because Sinterklaas is probably too busy.

Bert

Ernie. What is Sinterklaas busy doing?

Ernie

Buying presents everywhere, and delivering them, and visiting. And scaring naughty kids. Keeheehee.

Bert

Ernie.

Ernie

Yeah, Bert.

Bert

… Oh! I hear something! Quiet! I hear something!

Ernie

I don’t hear anything. Just you talking.

Bert

Somebody’s walking on the roof. On our roof.

Ernie

On the roof? Who would walk on the roof, Bert?

Bert

Sinterklaas, of course! You know that, everyone knows that. Sinterklaas always walks on the roof, and Black Pete too, and their horse walks on the roof too, a white horse, and presents, and…

Ernie

Presents?

Bert

Yes. Presents, presents, presents, big or small. Will there be one for me at all… and…

Ernie

Presents can’t walk on the roof, Bert.

Bert

Huh?

Ernie

Presents can’t even walk down the street. Presents can’t walk.

Bert

Ernie, stop it. Is Sinterklaas coming, yes or no? I want to know, or else I may be nervous for nothing. Oh, Ernie, I’m so NERVOUS!

Ernie

Bert! I know.

Bert

Will Saint and Pete come see our street?

Ernie

That’s a rhyme! You hear that, kids, Bert’s so confused about Sinterklaas that he’s been talking in rhyme for the whole week!

Bert

I don’t talk in rhyme. You talk in rhyme yourself.

Ernie

How much is eleven plus one, Bert?

Bert

I know that one, it’s twelve.

Ernie

Hear that? Here he goes again. He can’t stop that rhyme…

Bert

I can’t take it anymore.

Ernie

… Bert’s talking in rhymes just all the time…

Bert

I can’t help it. But it’s not a crime.

Ernie

Isn’t that fun? Talking in rhyme. Kids at home, you try it too. Here goes: “If you see Saint and Pete, tell them…”

Bert

Let the kids at home rhyme for themselves, so we can go on with being nervous. W-w-w-what was I saying again? Ernie, you told me you knew if Saint and Pete were going to come and visit us.

Ernie

Did I?

Bert

You did, I’m sure. ARE SAINT AND PETE COMING, YES OR NO?!

Ernie

That’s the question. And I don’t know.

Bert

Ernie, I can’t take this at all…

Ernie

… and after sunshine, raindrops fall. And after rain comes the sunshine. Keeheehee. And if it rains and the sun shines… what do you get then, Bert?

Bert

A rainbow, I know.

Ernie

Yeah, we once sang a beautiful song about that, huh kids? “I see a rainbow, a pretty rainbow…”

Bert

I don’t want a rainbow now, Ernie. I want presents and gifts, and they’re in this big sack, and Saint and Pete are coming to deliver them, because it’s the Feast of Saint Nicholas. Oh, I hope they come…

Ernie

Hey, you know what we’re going to do, Bert?

Bert

No. No.

Ernie

We’ll wait.

Bert

Wait?!

Ernie

Yes. We’ll just wait.

Bert

Will waiting help?

Ernie

No. Nothing “helps.” That’s why we just have to wait.

Bert

Why wait if it won’t help?!

Ernie

Why don’t you go read your Zippy and Zoppy book?

Bert

I already finished that.

Ernie

Read it again.

Bert

I’ve read it three times already.

Ernie

Oh.

Bert

Ohhh, Ernie, Ernie… You know what I heard? They just released a new book about Zippy and Zoppy.

Ernie

More adventures of Zippy and Zoppy?

Bert

Is that the title, Ernie? Maybe I’ll get that from Sinterklaas. That would be fantastic. Then I can read what happens next with Zippy and Zoppy.

Ernie

Just wait, Bert. That Zippy and Zoppy you own now… You got that from Uncle Rudolph, right?

Bert

Yes, Uncle Rudolph gave it to me for my birthday.

Ernie

Well, then you’ll probably get your second Zippy and Zoppy book from Uncle Rudolph, too.

Bert

Says who?

Ernie

I think so. And then you’ll have two…

Bert

No, then I’ll have three. Three Zippy and Zoppy books. One, Zippy and Zoppy part one. Two, Zippy and Zoppy part two. And three, another Zippy and Zoppy part two.

Ernie

Oh, that’s handy. Then I can throw one out the window, when we’re on a car trip again! Remember, Bert?

Bert

That was very mean, Ernie. That wasn’t nice.

Ernie

But I didn’t really do that, Bert. That was just a joke.

Bert

Yeah. That’s true. But I don’t like jokes! Oh, this is taking so LONG…

Ernie

You’re trembling, Bert. Why don’t you sit down? Eat some peppernuts. You still have your peppernuts?

Bert

Waiting takes long, long, long

Boy, does waiting take long

I’ve been waiting so long, long, long

Boy, have I been waiting long

Ernie

Oh, I think waiting takes short, Bert.

Bert

Oh, yeah? You’re being smart again?

Ernie

Boy, does it take short. How about a game, Bert? Time will fly. Wooosh. Or how about singing?

Bert

I sang already, Ernie. Boy, does waiting take long.

Ernie

I didn’t know that was singing, Bert.

Waiting takes short, short, short

Boy, does waiting take short

I’ve been waiting short, short, short

Boy, have I been waiting short!

Bert

Ernie, I really want him to come! That’s why waiting takes so long!

Ernie

You want him to come? And you’re so nervous!

Bert

I still want him to come. And if you want something really bad, then it takes a lot longer.

Ernie

No, Bert. It just seems longer.

Bert

Stop that, Ernie. It really takes longer. You notice that too.

Ernie

No, no. Kids at home… if tomorrow is your birthday, then it takes a long time till it’s tomorrow, huh? It seems like a longer time. But it’s really just as long. But because you want it so badly, it seems longer. And because Bert wants Sinterklaas to come, that’s why he thinks waiting takes so long.

Bert

What are you saying, Ernie?

Ernie

I’m talking to the kids at home.

Bert

How long have we been waiting now?

Ernie

Ten minutes.

Bert

Seems like hours. Will he come, Ernie?

Ernie

Just wait, Bert! You’re all sweaty.

Bert

Yeah, I wish he were here already!

Ernie

Maybe he won’t come. Keeheehee.

Bert

But… when is he coming? Where is he?

Ernie

How should I know?

Bert

Where did he go? Or is he not coming?

Ernie

Maybe he’s forgotten us.

Bert

Waiting takes long, long, long

Boy, does waiting take long

I’ve been waiting so long, long, long

Boy, have I been waiting long

Ernie

Waiting takes short, short, short

Boy, does waiting take short

I’ve been waiting short, short, short

Boy, have I been waiting short!

Ernie

Wasn’t that good? A little active singing… Makes you forget you’re nervous, huh?

Bert

Ernie! I had just forgotten I was nervous! Did you have to mention that…

Ernie

Well, then we’re gonna sing again, whether you…

Bert

Weather? It’s not that great weather. It’s all gray and wet snow.

Ernie

Did you at home sing along too? Because of course you’re waiting for Sinterklaas too.

Bert

How is that possible?

Ernie

It’s not?

Bert

No. Because WE are waiting for Saint and Pete.

Ernie

Yes, and the kids at home too. Just like us — keeheehee! We’re all waiting for Saint and Pete! Isn’t that funny?

Bert

That’s not funny at all, Ernie.

Ernie

Why not, Bert?

Bert

Because if Sinterklaas visits all those kids first, it’ll take even longer before he gets to us. Sinterklaas and Black Pete, don’t forget Bert and Ernie! … Oh! I hear something! No, I don’t…

Ernie

Bert, Saint and Pete won’t forget us.

Bert

Sure they will. Or they’re not coming on purpose. And we probably won’t get anything. And then we won’t have a Sinterklaas party. (starts to cry)

Ernie

Bert. Don’t cry, Bert. Have a peppernut. I squeezed it out of the bottom of your shoe.

Bert

Give me. That’s mine. (He gobbles it up.)

Ernie

Sinterklaas won’t forget us, Bert.

Bert

Then why won’t he come?

Ernie

Because there are so many children.

Bert

How many?

Ernie

A hundred thousand. He could never visit everybody in one night.

Bert

But, Ernie. Why is there only one Sinterklaas?

Ernie

And that’s why, on the Evening of Saint Nicholas, all the Black Petes are knocking on the doors and the windows, and…

Bert

Why is there only one Sinterklaas, Ernie?

Ernie

… I don’t know. And then they’ll toss sacks full of presents on the sidewalk, and then they run away.

Bert

You don’t know anything… What did you say? Did they toss a sack of presents on our sidewalk? Ernie, take a look!

Ernie

I’m going, Bert!

Bert

Oooh. Everything will be all right, thank goodness. Ernie, hurry up! Should I help? It must be a big sack of presents, so big that little Ernie can’t pull it inside by himself. I’d better go help him.

Ernie

Bert. There’s no sack full of presents on our sidewalk. We must have been naughty this year.

Bert

Especially you! Ernie, it’s FANTASTIC that there’s no sack full of presents on our sidewalk. Don’t be silly, Ernie, don’t you know what that means? It means that Sinterklaas will personally visit us to deliver his sack! We just have to practice our patience…

Ernie

Practice our patience? You know what? You practice your patience, I’ll practice my bugle playing. I want to be a famous bugle player, and everyone will applaud for me because they love the way I play. Listen. (plays some flat notes)

Bert

Ernie, stop that! Or else we can’t hear if anyone knocks on the door!

Ernie

Oh. Shall we just stuff ourselves with all our cookies and candy and forget that Sinterklaas forgot about us?

Bert

No, we have some active singing to do, because it’s a Sinterklaas party. We’re going to sing that beautiful Sinterklaas song “We Are Ready.”

Bert & Ernie

We are ready, Saint and Pete, come on in

Then the party can start for real

All of us together, like we do every year

Have you finished writing all those poems?

Is it really true, Sinterklaas, are you there?

Oh, I’m suddenly starting to feel funny

Bert

Will I get a few presents, or will I get a lot?

Ernie

Will I get that painting set with a paintbrush?

Bert

Give me a toy train or a nice book

Ernie

A sausage made of marzipan or new pants

Bert & Ernie

We are ready, Saint and Pete, come on in

Then the party can start for real

All of us together, like we do every year

Have you finished writing all those poems?

Is it really true, Sinterklaas, are you there?

Oh, I’m suddenly starting to feel funny

Ernie

Will you get sunglasses instead of that new bike?

Bert

I want a pigeon loft, maybe I won’t get anything

Ernie

A Sesamstraat record album, a guitar made of speculaas

Bert

A car made of fudge — thank you, Sinterklaas!

Bert & Ernie

We are ready, Saint and Pete, come on in

Then the party can start for real

All of us together, like we do every year

Have you finished writing all those poems?

Is it really true, Sinterklaas, are you there?

Oh, I’m suddenly starting to feel funny

Bert

Will I get a few presents, or will I get a lot?

Don’t be envious, then you’ll turn green

Ernie

We’ll keep on laughing, because it’s all about the party

And when you’re having fun, you’ll have the most!

Bert & Ernie

We are ready, Saint and Pete, come on in

Then the party can start for real

All of us together, like we do every year

Have you finished writing all those poems?

Is it really true, Sinterklaas, are you there?

Oh, I’m suddenly starting to feel funny

La la la la la la la la la la…