Secret Santa
Part 2: Christmas Evil
Outside Santa’s workshop, a boulder hides the entrance to a dark cave. The boulder moves, pushed aside by two huge monsters…
| Thig
|
Hey! Dere it is! We bust open the tunnel, right next to Santa’s place! Call Cosmo… |
Down below Santa’s workshop, there’s an underground cavern, with monsters growing and crawling on every surface. These monsters are the Frackles — and at the moment, they’re all shouting that the phone is ringing…
The phone is answered by that wicked magician, Cosmo Scam!
| Cosmo
|
Cosmo Scam, King of Evil speakin’, whatta ya want? Ya busted open the tunnel, huh? Good, good work. Now, grab Santa as soon as ya can! Okay? Okay! |
Cheered by the news, Cosmo goes to his bubbling cauldron to summon his genie, Lothar.
| Cosmo
|
Lothar of the magic pot, tell me all the news that’s hot! |
| Lothar
|
You called? |
| Cosmo
|
I certainly did. Tell me what I wanna hear! |
| Lothar
|
You are the fairest of them all! |
| (The Frackles crack up.) | |
| Cosmo
|
Not that, not THAT, you idiot! Tell me if my plan is gonna work. |
| Lothar
|
Your plan to kidnap Santa Claus? |
| Cosmo
|
What else? |
| Lothar
|
Will the plan to kidnap Santa Claus succeed? By the prophecy of the genie, and by the powers of destiny… I bring you the word. |
| Cosmo
|
Well, what’s the word? |
| Lothar
|
Maybe. |
| (The Frackles chortle.) | |
| Cosmo
|
Maybe nothin’! In a few minutes… Santa will be ALL MINE! |
Up in the workshop, Santa shows Fred another magic trick, making an egg disappear. (“We’ll clean that up later.”) They don’t realize that the monsters are lurking just outside the window, watching…
| Santa
|
Say, Fred, this is your lunch hour. You shouldn’t be here working. |
| Fred
|
Oh, gosh, Santa sir, I’m too excited to eat. After all, this is my very first Christmas with you, and I just want to help you any way I can! |
| Santa
|
All right, if that’s the way you want it. |
| Fred
|
Yes, sir, it really is! |
| (Excited, Fred breaks into song.) | |
| Fred
|
I wanna help, help, help,I wanna serve, serve, serve,
I wanna do my duty faithfully And never, ever swerve. I wanna do my best, I wanna serve with zest! I wanna help, I wanna help, I wanna help! |
| Santa
|
If I ever need assistance… |
| Fred
|
Call on Fred! |
| Santa
|
If I meet with some resistance… |
| Fred
|
Call on Fred! |
| Fred
|
If you ever get in trouble,I will be there on the double!
If you come to any danger, I will never be a stranger! There is nothing you should fear, Oh, I will always be a hero! Call on Fred! Call on Fred! Call on Fred! |
| Santa
|
I’ll remember that, Fred. |
The tempo picks up — and as Fred gets involved with his song, the monsters sneak up and grab Santa!
| Fred
|
If you’re faced with a disaster, call on Fred! |
| Santa
|
Fred! |
| Fred
|
There is no one who is faster than ol’ Fred! |
| Santa
|
FRED! |
| Fred
|
When the plot begins to thicken,I will never be a chicken!
When the trouble starts a’brewin, I will save us all from ruin! It’s the truth that I am tellin’, When in danger, start your yellin’! Call on Fred! Call on Fred! Call on Fred! |
| Santa
|
FRED! |
| Fred
|
In a minute, Santa! |
| Fred
|
I wanna Help! Help! Help!I wanna Serve! Serve! Serve!
I wanna do my duty faithfully, And Never Ever Swerve! I wanna do my best! I wanna serve with zest! I wanna help! I wanna help! I wanna HELP! |
| Santa
|
HELP! |
| Fred
|
Oh, yeah! |
| Fred
|
I wanna HELP…
I wanna HELP… I wanna HELLLLLLLP! |
| Fred
|
… So that’s how it is, Santa, sir. Uh, Santa? Santa? Gee, I wonder where he went. |
by Danny Horn
