The Jim Henson Company is auctioning off a bunch of stuff! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you can read all about it here or listen to a podcast about it here. You can also check out the auction website here.
I’ve browsed through all 435 lots in the auction, and several items jumped out at me as especially notable. Meander with me, won’t you?
Statler and Waldorf’s Grandfather Clock from Sex and Violence
The description says it’s “a Muppet-scaled grandfather clock” and “The pendulum can oscillate, though there does not appear to be any actual mechanisms within the clock, nor does it actually keep time.” So you could keep it in your parlor as a decorative piece of furniture, but it won’t chime to tell you when it’s time to make a weird joke about the Kaiser.
Emmet Otter Squirrel
You know, it would be cool to own an original Animal or Beaker, or some other major Muppet, but there aren’t really any characters of that significance in the auction. And you know what? I think it might actually feel more exciting to own a puppet like this, one of the actual acrobatic squirrels from the talent show in Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. After all, we know that multiple Animals and Beakers have been built over the years, but there were only a few of these squirrels!
Jim Henson’s Business Cards
These five tiny pieces of paper are up to $1,000 in bids so far, and I completely understand why somebody would want to pay so much for so little. Just think: These cards belonged to Jim himself! He might have carried them around in his wallet right next to his subway tokens and the video store membership card he used to rent Ghostbusters! (I have no idea if Jim Henson ever rented Ghostbusters, but I’d like to think he did.)
Jim’s Groovy Floral Shirt
Wow, a shirt that Jim actually wore! It could only be better if it included a stain from where he dropped some cake on it. Here’s the question: If you could afford to buy this shirt… Would you wear it?
Uncle Travelling Matt(!)
“Dear Nephew Gobo, I’ve been mounted on a stand. I’m afraid I don’t recommend it.”
Of all the puppets in the auction, Travelling Matt is the most “famous” character. In my opinion, anyway. Maybe you disagree with me and you think one of the other Fraggles in the auction is more famous, like Gillis Fraggle, Morris Fraggle, Rumple Fraggle, Mermer, Tosh, or Aunt Granny. One lucky bidder is going to have the privilege of bringing him home so Matt can comically misunderstand their everyday household routines.
Terrible Tunnel Spider Puppet
When I was a kid, the “Terrible Tunnel” episode of Fraggle Rock scared the crap out of me. This puppet from that episode is up to $25,000 so far. If I were a rich man, I would bid on it so I could put it on display in my house and prove to everyone that I’m not afraid of the Terrible Tunnel anymore.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m still afraid of it! Keep me away from that tunnel!
Land of Gortch Gligs
I can’t believe these puppets from a single sketch from the infamously unpopular “Land of Gortch” sketches from Saturday Night Live are in such good condition! In the sketch, these Gligs are an endangered species because Ploobis and his friends keep eating them. I think a funny joke would be to buy these in the auction, and when they arrive, make an unboxing video where you take them out and eat them.
Piece of the Hollywood Sign
This would be so cool to own! Most of the items in this auction are pieces of Henson and Muppet history, but this one also serves as a piece of Hollywood history, so it would go for a significant chunk of change even if it hadn’t been owned by Jim Henson.
The item specifies that this is “A piece of the original sign / 1923-1978.” Here’s a thought: Was this piece a part of the sign when the sign appeared in The Muppet Movie? The movie was filmed in the summer of 1978, and various sources online tell me a new Hollywood sign was unveiled in November 1978 after the original one was damaged in February 1978. So in the movie, are we seeing the old sign before it was replaced? Or the new sign before it was officially unveiled? I hope a Hollywood sign expert is reading this article and lets me know!
Promotional Baseball Diamond
This is an intriguing one. It’s not the screen-used prop; it’s a Baseball Diamond “[c]reated for promotional events surrounding the release of the second theatrical Muppet film.” So presumably the real prop is still being kept under lock and key somewhere.
If you won the auction for this, nobody could say “I don’t think that belongs to you!”
But good luck, because it’s up to $2,500 in bids as of this writing.
But if you DID win, you could have a lot of fun throwing it around your house!
Baby Kermit’s Rocking Chair
Under normal circumstances, you’d be pretty mad if you spent $800 or more on a rocking chair and it had a hole in it. But the “circular puppeteering hole” on the seat of this one is the most exciting thing about it! The description says “The chair should be considered fragile and not sustainable to human weight.” So don’t put your stupid baby on it!
McDonald’s Happy Meal Toy Appreciation Display
This one’s up to $1,250 so far. I’m pretty sure I saw these toys going for 75 cents each at the thrift store last week.
The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance Crystal of Truth
This one is up to $17,500 in bids. According to the dimensions provided, it’s almost seven feet tall! When somebody wins this, where will they put it?
Skeksis Cutlery
There must be at least a hundred lots consisting of items from The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance in this auction, but this is the best one. I truly believe it would be impossible to win this lot and not use these as silverware at least once. At the very least, I would use the fork-looking thing to eat some macaroni and cheese.
Skeksis Banquet Tentacles and Eyeballs
As of this writing, this one’s only up to $200. Unbelievable! Why aren’t more people clamoring to own tentacles and an eyeball?! If only they had scheduled this auction closer to May, this lot would have made a great Mother’s Day gift for somebody.
The Ethel Merman Disco Album
And here it is: My #1 favorite item in this auction. The estimate for this record (inscribed to Jim Henson from Merman) was $200-$300, but it’s already up to $700. What a world we live in. It’s hilarious that Broadway legend Ethel Merman recorded a disco album in the first place, and I would love to know how Jim Henson reacted to receiving this as a gift from her. Did he ever even listen to it?
The Christmas Toy Meteora Stunt Puppet
She is lovely
Meteora!
Yes, so lovely, and smart, and full of pluck
So exciting
Meteora!
And she might cost someone twenty thousand bucks
Muppet Christmas Carol Shakespeare Bust
They’re expecting to get at least $3,000-$5,000 for this. But look — it has a broken nose! What kind of scam are they trying to pull?!
Muppet Christmas Carol Coal Scuttle Gifts from Scrooge
They expected to get at least $400-$600 for these. But look — they’re empty! There’s no coal! What kind of scam are they trying to pull?!
Muppet Treasure Island Treasure Map
Wait a minute. This is going for $10,000 so far… but Captain Flint’s treasure is worth WAY more than that! I’m going to place a bid, procure the map, charter a ship to the island, and dig up the treasure myself. I’ll be RICH!
Admiral Benbow Inn Sign
I bet this ends up hanging in somebody’s kitchen.
Old Tom’s Peg Leg
They’re selling his leg? All I can see is Old Tom on Old Tom-sized crutches.
Muppets From Space Alarm Clocks
These are cool! Each of them was onscreen for about a second (except for Piggy’s and Fozzie’s, which didn’t appear onscreen at all!), but you can tell how much care the prop-makers put into them. Why do you suppose Sweetums’s and Bunsen & Beaker’s alarm clocks are currently going for so much more than the others?
Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss Green Eggs and Ham Prop
Would you buy this with a Visa?
Would you buy it for your friend Lisa?
Would you buy this with your Venmo?
Would you buy it for Carl Winslow?
Would you buy this item, honey?
Would you buy it, Sam-I-Have-Money?
Sid Spider Puppet with Harmonica
I was an occasional viewer of The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss, but I have no memory of this guy. And yet… I think he’s my new favorite Muppet AND my new favorite Dr. Seuss character?
Aliens in the Family Doll and Yukkles Puppets
Aliens in the Family was more or less the Jim Henson Company’s follow-up to Dinosaurs. It was another Creature Shop-driven family sitcom with an opinionated talking baby (Boubot, the future ruler of the universe, whose catchphrase was — say it with me — “I REQUIRE PUDDING!”). It failed to grab the attention of ABC’s TGIF audience back in 1996, but I watched every episode that aired.
If I could justify splurging on anything in this auction, it just might be one of these. This might sound strange considering how obscure the show is, but the fact nobody except me has ever heard of Aliens in the Family just makes these items more appealing to me. If a visitor asks “What’s that?” and the answer is “That’s a prop from Muppet Treasure Island,” that’s the end of that conversation. But if somebody asked me “What’s that?” regarding the Yukkles, I could spend hours giving them all the necessary context. And what a joy that would be for both of us.
Dozen Grandma Egg Puppets from Duff’s Happy Fun Bake Time
A few questions:
-What is Duff’s Happy Fun Bake Time?
-Is that the Grandma Eggs’ real hair, or do some of them wear egg wigs?
-Does the existence of Grandma Eggs imply the existence of Grandpa Eggs?
-Are these Grandma Eggs free-range?
I have decided not to read the description, even though it might answer some of these questions.
Sesame Street Puppeteer Cooling Blower Tool
From the description: “This tool was used by puppeteers for full-body cooling during the production of Sesame Street (Sesame Workshop, 1969 – Present), particularly for the performer portraying the dog ‘Barkley.’”
So this was probably vitally important to ensuring safety and happiness on the set of Sesame Street, and yet the viewers at home never once considered that such a thing might exist. The winner of this item could use it as a leaf-blower, or to recreate the famous Marilyn Monroe subway vent scene from The Seven-Year Itch.
And those are my picks for the most remarkable lots in the Jim Henson Company auction! Did I miss any that you think are particularly interesting? Are you planning to bid on anything? Let me know on the Tough Pigs Discord!
Click here to eat a Glig or two on the Tough Pigs Discord!
by Ryan Roe – [email protected]
