Today’s article is written by our newest ToughPigs staff member, Cameron Garrity! Welcome to the team, Cam!
Cameron Garrity – Hello! My name is Cameron Garrity, newest member of the Tough Pigs staff. You may know me from my previous contributions to the site, such as art spotlights, comprehensive Letterboxd lists, and a compilation of potentially saucy Muppet songs. I also used to host the podcast Puppet Tears: Puppetry Shop Talk with the late, great Adam Kreutinger
For my first article as an official member of the team, I wanted to put my best foot forward. I have been a gigantic fan of this site since high school; such reverence deserves an equally impassioned submission. So, I’ve been reflecting upon my many Muppet hyper fixations and what I truly value most about this legendary oeuvre.
With that in mind, I want to talk about…
Barrels.
No, this isn’t a bit.
“Cam…,” you’re thinking to yourself, “whatsoever do barrels have to do with Muppet fandom? Get back to photoshopping.” A fair criticism; I won’t suspend my Adobe Creative Cloud License just yet. With that said, there are countless small, yet vital, elements that recur in (nearly) every Muppet movie — automobiles, bodies of water, Sesame Street cameos, Presbyterians(!) — and I think it’s high time we explore how these common elements shape our favorite films.
“Why are you doing this to me?,” you’re still asking yourself. …Please stop interrupting me. I’m trying my best here.
Two reasons: 1) it was a silly idea that made me laugh and I hope someone reading this enjoys it, as well; and (more importantly) 2) what makes the Muppets great is their recognition and celebration of the underappreciated beauty in our lives.
So. Let’s have our swoopfoomers at the ready and rank some Muppet movie barrels.
A few ground rules… I have accepted both steel and wooden barrels for the purposes of this ranking; neither material has an advantage over the other. I am judging based on a criteria that includes visual prominence, creativity, impact on the story, and comedic value, graded 0 to 5 for a total possible score of 20 points. I will include the numbers in each summary, while also including a full report card at the end of this article.
Also: This list only includes theatrically released movies starring the classic Muppets. No Sesame Street, no TV movies, no specials… Mostly because I couldn’t find my DVD of Kermit’s Swamp Years.
Without further ado, I proudly present…
The Definitive Ranking of Muppet Movies …based on their Barrels
8. The Great Muppet Caper
Starring everybody… but barrels! Yes, in a win for red-handed thieves everywhere, there are literally no barrels in this movie. Not the way I would have hoped to see Jim Henson start his career as a Hollywood director. Disappointing.
Visual Prominence: 0 | Creativity: 0 | Impact on the Story: 0 | Comedic Value: 0
Total Score: 0
7. The Muppets
Served alongside a filet of fish in Life’s a Happy Song.
Holding TNT for Crazy Harry during rehearsals.
Beside a crate outside Gonzo’s Royal Flush.
Keeping Hobo Joe and Co. warm in the audience.
Believe it or not, there were actually a surprising number of barrels throughout this Jason Segel Vanity Project™. Could I tell you, even after just re-watching the film, where any of them actually appeared? …just barely. Barrel-y?
I digress. The barrels in The Muppets really are lackluster. They’re either forgettable or do nothing to enhance the actual film. Each and every one of them could easily be scrubbed away and we’d still have nearly the exact same movie.
Visual Prominence: 2 | Creativity: 0 | Impact on the Story: 0 | Comedic Value: 0
Total Score: 2
6. Muppets From Space
The fires of Cape Doom.
When going through Muppets From Space, I thought we were about to have a second film with zero barrels. But around the one-hour mark, Gonzo and the gang’s trek to Cape Doom totally turned things around. There are countless barrels being used as fire pits on the beach to keep the cast of Dawson’s Creek from getting hypothermia.
Although this is not their most inventive use in the series (after all, they could just as easily be garbage cans or plain old camp fires), they still manage to pack an emotional punch when used to burn the party-goers’ picket signs. A solid effort at pathos by Tim Hill. But it was unfortunately too little too late.
Visual Prominence: 3 | Creativity: 1 | Impact on the Story: 2 | Comedic Value: 0
Total Score: 6
5. Muppets: Most Wanted
In the upper-right background as Kermit is welcomed to The Gulag.
During the talent show’s Working on the Coal Mine number.
A closer look feat. Miss Poogy and Blind Pew.
The barrels of Muppets: Most Wanted are also rather unimpressive. They appear exclusively in The Gulag and are mostly used for set dressing. Where things get exciting, however, is with whom the MMW barrels get to share their screentime with.
Both Steve Whitmire’s and Blind Pew’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-em cameos in this film are shared with some good ol’ hoops ‘n’ slats. Somebody notify IMBb. Why isn’t the Muppet Wiki covering this!?
Visual Prominence: 3 | Creativity: 2 | Impact on the Story: 2 | Comedic Value: 0
Total Score: 7
4. The Muppet Movie
Would buy from SkyMall. Nice work, fellas.
For those of you who’ve made it this far… This is where things begin to get (legitimately) interesting!
The Muppet Movie may be the only theatrical Muppet movie to use the word “barrel” (there’s literally NO way anybody can fact-check this). Bunsen and Beaker’s Musical Rotating Rain Barrel is the first sign of life that Kermit sees in the deserted ghost town. It’s weird, it’s novel, and it’s a musical tune that I turned into a ringtone for my cell phone (true story).
Most important about this invention is how it discreetly gives us some helpful information to contextualize the level of the scientists’ competence in this movie-within-a-movie. Think back to 1979… Up to this moment in Muppet history, fans have known Bunsen and Beaker as largely bad at their jobs, with experiments going awry week after week. However, since their main purpose in this film, structurally, is to insta-grow Animal right in time for the big finale, audiences needed to know that this version of Muppet Labs was capable of creating functional inventions.
Could Jack Burns and Jerry Juhl have chosen a different type of invention to deliver this information? Sure. Did they choose a barrel? You betcha.
Visual Prominence: 5 | Creativity: 5 | Impact on the Story: 2 | Comedic Value: 3
Total Score: 15
Honorable Mention
I know I said Sesame Street and the specials were off limits… But before I get to my Top 3, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my favorite barrel in ALL of Muppet history from the opening skating party in Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. For the uninitiated, you can watch the scene here, beginning at the 4:34 mark:
Embed video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1sbhfh0Dho
What. A. Delight. It doesn’t even need to be scored. It’s a perfect use of barrel just in time for the holidays. No notes.
3. The Muppet Christmas Carol
Catching Rizzo mid-yeet
A stare fit for a Whatever
The Acoustic Mayhem’s rhythm section
Unlike his father, Brian Henson understood the assignment on his first directing gig (yes offense). We get some Grade-A barrel appearances throughout the film that put a smile on my face every time I see them.
Gonzo and Rizzo’s shenanigans during One More Sleep ’Til Christmas’s penguin skating party is a stellar comedy beat to counterbalance the song’s sentimentality. One of Rizzo’s all-time-great deadpans happens moments after Gonzo yeets him into a snowy barrel. Go back and watch his impatient little foot tap… I’ll wait for you. Re-watch it right now — it’s genius.
The real stars, though, are the barrels used by Animal for his drum kit at Fozziewig and Ma’s Christmas Party. Whoever in the art department had that idea deserves a raise yesterday. Or, in 1992…? It’s so effortless and clever; just one of the many thoughtful details that can easily be overlooked when watching this or any other Muppet movie.
Visual Prominence: 5 | Creativity: 7 | Impact on the Story: 1 | Comedic Value: 5
Total Score: 18
2. Muppet Treasure Island
Ready the gunpowder, mateys!
Do barrels get cabin fever, too?
What is it with these guys and apples?
A nearly perfect score. You can’t go more than a few minutes without seeing a barrel in Muppet Treasure Island. I suppose this makes sense, as the setting and time-period for this film necessitate them more than any other on the list.
But it wasn’t mere practicality that allowed these barrels to take MTI this far up the ranking. Once again, Brian Henson managed to harness the barrel in new and ambitious ways. Whether arming both the good and bad guys with explosives at the Bembo Inn, or being bigger-on-the-inside just in time for Jim Hawkins to overhear Long John’s evil intentions, these canisters can do anything (except make Mr. Bimbo funny).
Visual Prominence: 5 | Creativity: 5 | Impact on the Story: 5 | Comedic Value: 4
Total Score: 19
1. The Muppets Take Manhattan
I’LL GIVE YOU THE HUGGIES!
When I first set out to do this ranking, I thought for sure Muppet Treasure Island was going to run away with the #1 slot. I’m embarrassed to say I almost didn’t re-watch The Muppets Take Manhattan for this review — nearly neglecting one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie!
When a lonely Miss Piggy sees her frog getting the huggies from a fashion school wannabe, she takes all of her rage out on an innocent drum with a nearby construction beam. Now, yes, this didn’t have to be a barrel… goodness knows Piggy could have been hitting anyone or anything for the audience to understand where she is in her emotional journey.
But Frank Oz did choose a barrel as his pig’s canvas upon which she could go hog wild in broad daylight. You can never unhear the echoes of that metallic can as they billow through the busy streets of New York City. Why weren’t there Oscar nominations for the catcalling foremen when they fearfully went back to work after stoking her ire? A perfect comedy moment was forged here, the Academy. Pay attention next time.
This scene broke my rubric… 13/5 comedic value.
Visual Prominence: 4 | Creativity: 1 | Impact on the Story: 3 | Comedic Value: 13
Total Score: 21
And there you have it. I hope this ranking gives you something to talk about the next time you’re at some highbrow cocktail party somewhere. I plan to make this a recurring series in the coming months, so let us know what element you think I should use for future Definitive Muppet Rankings!
By Cameron Garrity
Click here to sit on the side of the barrel on the Tough Pigs Discord!
