The Academy Awards are mere days away, and those of us who put too much stock into awards shows are atwitter with excitement over who’s going to take home the little gold trophies. It’s so exciting, I simply cannot wait until this weekend to find out who the winners will be. So it’s a good thing we already know!
Every year, we at ToughPigs share our Oscar predictions, which are 100% correct (well, we only got one right last year, but who’s counting?). We’re so confident because we have a fool-proof method for accurate predictions. The math goes like this: Only the biggest and best talents win awards. And only the best and biggest talents work with the Muppets. Therefore, the people and productions with the bestest and biggenest Muppet connections will win at the Oscars.
Let’s take a look at the big Oscar categories, and we’ll show you who will be the big winners. We’ll show you all!!
Actor in a Supporting Role
Yura Borisov for Anora
Kieran Culkin for A Real Pain
Edward Norton for A Complete Unknown
Guy Pearce for The Brutalist
Jeremy Strong for The Apprentice
We’re off to a terrible start! None of these five nominees have ever directly worked with the Muppets. So rather than looking at their appearances in Muppet productions, we’ll have to look at degrees of separation. While Ed Norton shares a name with Muppets Take Manhattan guest star Art Carney’s character from The Honeymooners, we’ll give this one to Kieran Culkin, whose brother Macaulay was once photographed with Elmo at Sesame Place, along with his wife (and therefore Kieran’s sister-in-law) Brenda Song, who spent some time with the Muppets in the poorly received Studio DC special.
Actress in a Supporting Role
Monica Barbaro for A Complete Unknown
Ariana Grande for Wicked
Felicity Jones for The Brutalist
Isabella Rossellini for Conclave
Zoe Saldaña for Emilia Pérez
Okay, we’re back in action. Although I’m a little surprised to learn that Ariana Grande hasn’t yet worked with the Muppets, Hollywood legend Isabella Rossellini earned her badge with her appearances in the Jim Henson Creature Shop productions Merlin and The Odyssey. However, Zoe Saldaña had an actual interaction with a Muppet, appearing with Elmo on Sesame Street to present “transportation” as the Word of the Day.
Actor in a Leading Role
Adrien Brody for The Brutalist
Timothée Chalamet for A Complete Unknown
Colman Domingo for Sing Sing
Ralph Fiennes for Conclave
Sebastian Stan for The Apprentice
This award is going to Ralph Fiennes, who basically became part Muppet by wearing Jim Henson Creature Shop-built prosthetics as the titular English Patient back in 1996. The film won a bunch of Academy Awards including Best Picture (though not even nominated for Best Makeup), and Fiennes got a Best Actor nod. And now, 28 years later, that Henson makeup will earn him that Oscar.
Actress in a Leading Role
Cynthia Erivo for Wicked
Karla Sofía Gascón for Emilia Pérez
Mikey Madison for Anora
Demi Moore for The Substance
Fernanda Torres for I’m Still Here
Demi Moore (with her then-husband Bruce Willis) made an inexplicable cameo in the Muppets’ music video for “She Drives Me Crazy,” dancing in their kitchen wearing captains hats. For good reason, I’m sure. But Cynthia Erivo easily sweeps the competition with two genuine Muppet connections: voicing the Archivist on Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock and singing “Bein’ Green” with Oscar just a few months ago.
Animated Feature Film
Flow
Inside Out 2
Memoir of a Snail
Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Foul
The Wild Robot
Only one of these movies features the voices of Muppet performers Frank Oz and Dave Goelz, as well as writer/director Kirk Thatcher. And that movie is certainly not Memoir of a Snail. This Oscar’s going home with Inside Out 2.
Best Original Song
“El Mal” from Emilia Pérez
“The Journey” from The Six Triple Eight
“Like a Bird” from Sing Sing
“Mi Camino” from Emilia Pérez
“Never Too Late” from Elton John: Never Too Late
As if it wasn’t enough of a feather in his cap to have guest starred on an episode of The Muppet Show, Elton John is also going to win an Academy Award. It really is never too late.
Directing
Sean Baker for Anora
Brady Corbet for The Brutalist
James Mangold for A Complete Unknown
Jacques Audiard for Emilia Pérez
Coralie Fargeat for The Substance
This is a tough category, since I can’t seem to find any genuine connection between any of these directors and the Muppets. So we’ll have to go with Sean Baker, whose name is a homophone for Shaun Baker, an actor that the Muppet Wiki tells me provided the voice for “Lingo,” a dinosaur gang member in the sitcom Dinosaurs. Eh, close enough.
Documentary Short Film
Death by Numbers
I Am Ready, Warden
Incident
Instruments of a Beating Heart
The Only Girl in the Orchestra
What a joy it was to see the trumpet-playing Muppet lady featured in her own documentary short, The Only Girl in the Orchestra.
Best Picture
Anora
The Brutalist
A Complete Unknown
Conclave
Dune: Part Two
Emilia Pérez
I’m Still Here
Nickel Boys
The Substance
Wicked
And here we are, at the biggest award of the night. Who’s going to take home the Oscar? But more importantly, which of these movies can claim the best Muppet connection?? With subjects like sex workers, Catholic cardinals, spice wars, and whatever the heck is happening in The Substance, it’s hard to find many topics that the Muppets would even come close to. But one of these films features fictionalized versions of two Muppet Show guest stars: Joan Baez and Johnny Cash (plus, Arlo Guthrie‘s dad Woody). Congratulations to this year’s inevitable Best Picture winner, A Complete Unknown.
Be sure to catch the Oscars this Sunday, despite the fact that you already know who’s gonna win everything!
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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
